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Missing him so much


green7

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                January 31st


Nine months and sixteen days without you. You're still my last thought when I go to sleep and my first one when I wake up. I still don't understand why you had to die, I can't understand why you? Why us? With you some of me died as well. If only you knew how broken I am without you maybe, just maybe you would still be here with me.   As every day, I love you when I wake up, when I eat breakfast, when I read a book, when I drink coffee. When I am at work and you're not around, when I'm driving and my favorite song comes on the radio. When I am at school and you're taking over my thoughts and I'm there but I'm not. I love you when I hate you for leaving me, I love you when I want to die so I can be with you. I love you every single second of the day. I love you when I sleep, I love you when I dream. I simply love you when I breath. As long as I live I will always love you. More than anything, more that you will ever know. More than I knew when you were alive. Love you when the wind touches my face and like to think that it's you. I love you more than the world. Some day I will be able to tell you this in person or spirit, whatever form our souls will have once I get to join you whatever you are. We will be wind, or clouds, or rain, or birds or ghosts, but we will be together. I like to think that someday we will be together forever. Until then I will be loving you from here, in everything I do, I will be loving you.

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Beautiful epiphany. Couldn't have said it better myself. Your love shines through. You will be together again someday. My prayers to you.

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This is beautiful. I have only been grieving for a few days but I already feel this way. My girlfriend's death was so sudden and so unexpected, and I already can't do anything without thinking of her and missing her. "It will get better", everyone says. "Time heals all wounds." How? How do you stop being desperately in love with someone? How do you even think about opening your life to something other than them? How?

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Green 

It's beautiful what you said. They will always be loved by us. Forever. 

The universe bends, time curves. I will again, meet you.

But by then, my love,  I will not remain me.  Will you be YOU?

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It's been 11 1/2 years and he's in my thoughts continually and in my heart always.  What you wrote speaks for us all.  I've given up on asking "why"...there was no resounding answer, I think things happen in life that seem rather random and I don't see reason in it.  I've learned to channel my energy into "what now" as "why" seemed to get me nowhere.  The intensity of the pain lessens with time as we adjust and little by little we learn to cope and build our lives into something we can live with.  It's never the same but it's doable...something I didn't see possible in the beginning.  I welcome the day we can be together again.

9 hours ago, fzald said:

How do you stop being desperately in love with someone?

You don't.  Our love continues, it's the one thing that surpasses death.  I have learned to coexist with my grief.  I've learned to focus on today rather than the whole "rest of my life" which is too overwhelming.  I've learned to appreciate what IS rather than focusing solely on what isn't.  As you can see by my timeline, it's taken me much time to get to this point.

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