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First meeting with grief councelor


CKYdad

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I had my first meeting with my Grief councilor on Monday.

I am not sure if she is going to be able to help, or not? She didn't really have anything to add to my grief coping tools. I am already doing everything she suggested.

She suggested that I keep a journal. I am not really keeping a journal, but I have been typing My wife's and my story in a word document. She said that was great, and to keep doing it.

Also that as many people I can tell about my wife, our stories, her sickness, our kids etc.. The better. I am doing that.

My grief doesn't really seem to be getting better. I don't feel it quite as much, but I don't feel like it is getting better, I feel like my mind is starting to block the feelings and thoughts. When I allow my mind to think about her, it is just as bad as it always has been.

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It takes a long time to process our grief and it's hard to see any progress when you're going through it...a few years from now you'll look back and see it.

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It seems you're not to impressed. I too visited a grief counselor, actually two.  The first one was a total waste of my time and I thought, Ok, that's it, I'm done.  Because my daughter originally suggested a grief counselor, she felt bad with my first encounter and ask that I don't completely zone out grief counselors completely.   I decided to see another one and this one is far better than the first. I've been seeing him for a little over a month and I'm beginning to make some headway.   You might want to look into other grief counselors; they sometimes help.  In whatever you choose, I hope you find strength in this most difficulty time.  God Bless

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Talking about my girlfriend who I lost does help me but it only helps to a point. It makes me smile a little remembering our good times, but it also reinforces just how much I've lost in her passing. It reminds me of how much life I have to live without her in my future. It reminds me of how much we were supposed to share and never got to. It reminds me of the little every-day things we loved about each other, the things that I can no longer share with anyone other than in memory. 

I'm sure every counselor has different feelings but I wonder if you actually can overdo talking or writing or thinking about the one you lost. Or maybe we're supposed to do it so that we feel that sadness? Maybe that's the point?

 

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claribassist13

CKYdad, 

Please try to remember that you are only 2 months into your loss. There are feelings and realizations you have yet to experience, so you are right. Your grief is not getting better right now. This is a process, something that will take months to journey. Don't expect a couple of months or a single session with a grief counselor to cure you. 

She might not have anything to offer you right now, but as other realizations come upon you (as time passes) she may be able to offer valuable insight into your feelings. 

Like Francine said, you may not have the right grief counselor for you. I would suggest trying a couple more session or seeing someone else before you abandon the idea completely. 

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CKYdad, it is still too soon.  You just lost your wife two months ago.  

I'm no pro, but I am guessing it takes a lot longer to start feeling better.  But you should still keep doing the things that you are doing, because I know from myself they seem to help.

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10 hours ago, fzald said:

I wonder if you actually can overdo talking or writing or thinking about the one you lost.

It's all part of processing our grief.  There is no way to circumvent it, if there was, I would have found it.  People have tried forgetting/ignoring it, only to have it come back and hit them square in the face years later.

Yes, it's painful, but there's only one way and that's straight through it.

You are right though in that it's hard dwelling on it all the time...that's why some people mete it out in doses...allow themselves to think about it and cry 1/2 hour every night.  I never could contain it that way, but if it works for them, more power to them.

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