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last night I lost my beloved Bellagio cant stop crying


amandaJ

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Last night was terrible thus morning the slience is awful .. I feel guilt that I made that choice for him. 

It is with deep sadness that I must say that this afternoon the love of my life my 12 year old Bellagio the Chartreux the apple of my eye, my constant companion. Going out and coming in he was always there to greet me. He woke me each morning by gently meowing at my door so that we could go out into the garden together, He taught me everything I know about love, faithfulness,  pleasure, patience honor and grace.
When I was impatient with him he forgave quicky, The highlight of his day was always when I finished working around nine and lit the fire and finally he would be able to sit on my lap. The silence is deafening tonight. my Prince has gone over the bridge. 
I was so honoured to have such a beautiful creature in my life, this house was his he made it a home. When I travelled he made such a fuss on my return he would let me pick him up like a baby to kiss his silky ears, and gaze into his magnificent green eyes. Everyone who ever met him fell in love with him, he loved everyone and was so playful and gentle.  I found him in Bellagio on Lake Como in Italy  when he was a tiny silvergrey kitten with azure blue eyes. He blessed my home with his beauty.
Im lucky he was at home in my arms when the executioner came. There was no cage, no sterile vets rooms with strangers and fear. He lay on the table at home  wrapped in his favourite blanket I wanted him to be warm. I stroked his minksoft coat and silky ears for the last time. I was fortunate to have a garden to bury him in among my roses, I dug his grave  through streams of sobbing tears digging through rocks and roots and laid him to rest wrapped in soft white  shroud with  white tulips and a lotus flower at his head.  When I had covered the grave with many stones I lit candles to stay on the grave through the night. 
There under a star filled sky on a cold January night I stood Under the cherry tree I planted 8 years ago that he watched grow to 25 feet. He inhabited never corner of the garden it was his. I dont think the garden or my home will ever be the same again. I said goodbye to my Prince and felt the silence so acutely. 
Without his chirps and meows.
He was my north, my south, my evening sky. 
My heart is broken 

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I understand.  I don't think we ever "get over" losing them, but it does lessen in intensity to something more bearable, and we do eventually adjust to the changes in our life.  It's tough in the beginning, really really tough.

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