Lost my brother in Feb 2016, my friend March 2016, both unexpectedly

[RL2552]

Hello, 

I am hoping this will help me feel a bit better. Maybe? February 9, 2016 one of my older brothers passed away from complications of the flu and his diabetes. It was a shock. I am the youngest out of 6 siblings. (half). The following month my close friend was killed Easter Sunday by a drunk driver. I have been doing ok up until this last week. The one year mark is coming up and I am freaking out. I think I am getting close to the final stages. My brother and I didn't have the best relationship and I had to move past that. I just can't seem to get back into the world after whats happened. The biggest mistake I made was moving into my friends house right after she died to help the family. Her things were still here when we moved in and there were constant triggers. We live about 3 miles from where she's buried and about 15 minutes from the crash site. I literally feel like I'm suffocating. I refuse to go to the site and the therapist I saw agreed that this wasn't wise. In the last few months people have told me horror stories of the accident and it has taken it's toll on me. Because I can't even get into our car now without freaking out. This past week I have had terrible anxiety and panic attacks. It wasn't this bad last Spring. My brothers estate is closing soon and I am dreading that as well. To me it will mean it's final and I will have to accept he's gone. Then on top of that, my friends anniversary is in March too and her trial. I feel like somedays nothing has happened and other days it hits all over. Or I take one step forward then one back. We are moving out of here and I know that will help in the process of healing. I am in the final stages right? It's just been so overwhelming to processe it all. I may end up having to go to the hospital if I don't calm down. I can't even be in the car longer than 10 mins without having anxiety or seeing images in my head. I do acknowledge my thoughts and feelings as that. And I have cried. Im just tired of the anxiety. I just keep telling myself,"This too shall pass." Thanks for listening. 

[reader]

Dear RL,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your brother and dear friend. I'm so sorry. Sending you love and hugs. Please try to be gentle and kind with yourself. Thinking of you.

[More]

It is hard when we feel overwhelmed.  I too find myself in those moments.  It helps me to think about my loved ones and what they would want for me.  The overwhelming thoughts slow down and I find I can breathe again.  My thoughts are with you.