Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Lost my Dad December 2015


BanjoPanda

Recommended Posts

  • Members

I don't even know where to start.  Or if this is even the right forum to post this.  Apologies if it isn't.

I lost my dad, suddenly, a little over a year ago to a heart attack.  It was just him, my mom, and me as the rest of our family lives 8+ hours away.  I have been my mom's sole support.  It's taking a lot to prop the both of us up.  I'm beyond stressed out at work because the workload is overwhelming (I am working on fixing this).  But, in the meantime, I'm drained.  It's not that I don't have support, I do, I just wish my mom could be my support too.  And it hurts that she hasn't asked how I'm doing in the year since it happened.  And it hurts that when I try to talk about how I'm doing she interrupts with how she's doing.  I'm just tired.  And exhausted.  (And feel absolutely terrible for thinking/saying any of this but I need to get it out somewhere.) 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

You came to the right place Banjo.

My mom and I are best friends... and we have shared some significant losses together in the past years.  I lived with her 9 years ago when we walked Dad through his cancer.  It took me a while to realize that thought we lost the same man, we lost different relationships. I lost my Dad but she lost her husband, her life long love, her partner in everything... for 43 1/2 years.  I couldn't understand what she was going through at the time, because I was still single back then.  We fared well together in light of all we had to go through. 

I found myself drawn to others in my grief who had lost their dad.  I spent time with people who felt my pain, so I didn't need to rely on my mom for all of that.  My mom knew what I was going through... she had lost her dad too.  But I didn't understand her pain.  So she connected with others who knew her pain, and I connected with people who helped me on my journey.  When we got together, it was doing what we did best together... playing games .  I helped her  around the farm and with whatever else she needed.  We spent time together and we were okay. 

You may need to withdraw your need to have a mom right now... and get that support from  God and  others.  Then you can be there for your mom when and where she needs you. 

She may never ask you how you are doing. that is okay too.  Spend time with her and meet her where she is at.  Love her the best that you know how to do. 

This place is a good place to come to for healing as well.  I have said this often... healing comes when you share your story and when you allow others to share their stories with you. 

Thank you for sharing your story.

Ruby from Canada.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.