"Not my Son" A poem written for my nephew... before and after his death

[Auntie Ruby]

I first wrote this poem in 2010.  It paints the picture of the struggle I had to love my nephew in the limits I had.  I told my mom this past week.  "I'm just auntie"  and she replied back.  "You aren't just an auntie, you're THE auntie!" 

I added a new verse this morning.  

 

NOT MY SON

March 9,2010

"Written for my nephew"

Not my son
Do I have the right to love you
Like my son
Not my son
Though you're not my son, can I hold you like you are

I was there when you were born
I was there when you came home
I was there to see the smile in your infant eyes

As you grew, I came for birthdays
Holidays and Sundays
I was there to see you grow in heart and size

But now you've put your toys away
It's girls and sports, that's what you play
Your world is changing day by day

Not my son
Do I have right to love you
Like my son
Not my son
Though you're not my son, can I hold you like you are

Not my son
The road is stretching farther
The lesson learned are harder
The ones who call you son seem like light years away

It feels like no one understands
Like no one's there to lend a hand
Not my son, can you turn your head my way

But now you've put your toys away
It's cars and work,  that's what you play
Your world is changing day by day

Not my son
Do I have right to love you
Like my son
Not my son
Though you're not my son, can I hold you like you are

I will always love you
You're the son I never had
Only God and your parents love you more

 

( new verse written January 31, 2017)

Not my son, my heart’s on hold

How do I love you, how do I let you go

I cannot see nor feel the loss like the ones who call you son

My world goes on without you but my heart still doesn’t know

 

But now you put it all away

In Paradise is where you play

The world it changed that Saturday

 

Not my Son 

Do I have the right to grieve for you

Like my son

Not my son

If only in my dreams, can I hold you like you are

 

 

[uncledebbie]

auntie ruby - the new verse is good - i wish you well in your grief journey <3