Members Mandipants84 Posted January 30, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2017 I found my bf of 2 years blue on our couch after having the flu on January 7th. I tried to get him to go to the doctor and he refused. I was sick before him and I'm fine. He was sleeping and just died and now when I try to sleep I see him and have panic attacks and can not sleep. We were planning a wedding and do everything together and now in faced with the rest of my life alone. He's only 34 and we were so happy. I feel stuck in that day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members soundmankeysman1 Posted January 30, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2017 Mandipants84, So sorry to hear about your loss. We have all lost someone on this site; all tragic. It's only been days for you, and you need to give yourself some slack. The numbness, stuck in that day feeling, will let up as time goes by. Try to focus on just making in through today. My wife died in my arms, on our bed, doped to the gills on morphine. Not a pretty memory; and I have to suppress it sometimes because it's so recent, it pops up when I think of her. In time, I think our minds block those kinds of memories for us for protection. But it does take time. This site will help you. Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandipants84 Posted January 30, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2017 I'm so sorry about your wife. I hate that other people are feeling pain. I guess at this point I'm consumed by pain and questions and what ifs. Thank you for your response and making me feel that I'm not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted January 30, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2017 Mandipants84, So sorry on the loss of your partner. The loss of your future also with planning the wedding. I know how devastated and lost you must be feeling. The pain gets all consuming and you just want away from it. I know what the panic attacks are like. I had them constantly for quite awhile. Now, it is only occaisonally. Sleeping has been an issue. It is so elusive because the mind won't shut down and all the thoughts and emotions keep swirling around. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. Just tired of being tired. I hope you find comfort and solace here on this site. Many kind hearted people going through this same tragic journey. We listen, you are heard and responded to. This site has become my lifeline. Hopefully, it will become yours also. Prayers and hugs to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted January 30, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 30, 2017 soundmankeysman1---Mike, I might have said this on another thread this morning, don't remember, but welcome to this site. I am truly sorry for the loss of your wife. I hope life gets easier for you. So much adjusting to the changes our loss brings us. It can get overwhelming at times. One day at a time is the best advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandipants84 Posted January 31, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2017 1 hour ago, KMB said: Mandipants84, So sorry on the loss of your partner. The loss of your future also with planning the wedding. I know how devastated and lost you must be feeling. The pain gets all consuming and you just want away from it. I know what the panic attacks are like. I had them constantly for quite awhile. Now, it is only occaisonally. Sleeping has been an issue. It is so elusive because the mind won't shut down and all the thoughts and emotions keep swirling around. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. Just tired of being tired. I hope you find comfort and solace here on this site. Many kind hearted people going through this same tragic journey. We listen, you are heard and responded to. This site has become my lifeline. Hopefully, it will become yours also. Prayers and hugs to you. I couldn't have said it better. That's the exact same. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words, they make sense to me when nothing else has. There has to be a way out of this otherwise nobody could ever survive this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted January 31, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2017 2 hours ago, Mandipants84 said: I found my bf of 2 years blue on our couch after having the flu on January 7th. I tried to get him to go to the doctor and he refused. I was sick before him and I'm fine. He was sleeping and just died and now when I try to sleep I see him and have panic attacks and can not sleep. We were planning a wedding and do everything together and now in faced with the rest of my life alone. He's only 34 and we were so happy. I feel stuck in that day I'm so sorry... For the panic attacks I use Lorazepam. It can really knock it down. I wish I could help more. Please write as much as want here. The members of this forum are terrific without exception. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mandipants84 Posted January 31, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2017 3 minutes ago, Jeff In Denver said: I'm so sorry... For the panic attacks I use Lorazepam. It can really knock it down. I wish I could help more. Please write as much as want here. The members of this forum are terrific without exception. I think I'm going to seek counseling and get put on something as well. I appreciate it. Everyone seems really nice and understanding. I tried to talk to others and they don't get it. The only one that can relate is his mom but we're both so bad off I hate bothering her. Everything makes me feel guilty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted January 31, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2017 4 minutes ago, Mandipants84 said: I think I'm going to seek counseling and get put on something as well. I appreciate it. Everyone seems really nice and understanding. I tried to talk to others and they don't get it. The only one that can relate is his mom but we're both so bad off I hate bothering her. Everything makes me feel guilty. The less medication, the better. You can use those for panic that you can't handle. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sadaf Nazim Posted January 31, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2017 5 hours ago, Mandipants84 said: I found my bf of 2 years blue on our couch after having the flu on January 7th. I tried to get him to go to the doctor and he refused. I was sick before him and I'm fine. He was sleeping and just died and now when I try to sleep I see him and have panic attacks and can not sleep. We were planning a wedding and do everything together and now in faced with the rest of my life alone. He's only 34 and we were so happy. I feel stuck in that day I am so sorry for your loss. I know how painful it would feel to lose your bf as well as your future husband. I have gone through a similar thing. I Lost my bf of 8 years and my bestfriend of 14 years on November 2016. He was 24. We were going to get married this year. For me the first month was numb. I could not feel anything. Getting panic attacks is normal as You are new in this journey. With time, it gets less painful. I know you won't want to do anything now, but if possible, take care of your meals, try to share how you feel, let the pain come out, cry, do whatever.. I may sound silly but if you can, exercise atleast 5 minutes daily.. Something light and easy. Maybe just walking outdoors. It helps to make you feel better. It has helped me a lot. Keep posting your thoughts here. We all will be listening. You are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 31, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted January 31, 2017 Mandipants, I'm so sorry, I know at your young age, this is the last thing you expected. No one expects a young person to die from the flu. He probably thought he just needed to stick it out and it would pass. I am so sorry for your loss of him, all your dreams, your future together. I am sorry for all of you, this is hard. With grace we'll all get through this together. 15 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said: The less medication, the better. You can use those for panic that you can't handle. Mandipants, Some medications are best taken regularly and don't work right if taken sporadically. This is something best discussed with your doctor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Francine Posted February 1, 2017 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2017 Mandipants84 That has to be one of the worst moments in your young life. I'm so terribly sorrow for your lost. I don't know why bad things happen, I guess we're not suppose to; but they do and we have to accept it no matter how hard it is. I hope you surround yourself with positive people and know that eventually you will get through this horrific time in your life. I hope you continue to visit this website; it is filled with amazing people who are not afraid to share their stories and their ability to offer you the words of comfort, encouragement and inspiration you so desperately need at this time. My prayer is for God to send his unwavering love, his surmountable strength and his inner peace. God Bless and keep you safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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