Members Auntie Ruby Posted January 29, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2017 I am back nine years later to find a space to share my grief and sorrow once again. Nine years ago I lost my dad to cancer and came here to work through my loss. Two weeks ago, my first nephew (26 yrs old) was killed in a vehicle accident. I wrote this poem last week and have no one to share it with. That is right. When it was my dad, I felt like I was one of the closest ones that had lost. I felt like the whole world revolved around my pain. Now there are others in much worse pain than I am. My sister and her husband have lost a son, my younger nephew has lost his best friend, roommate, mentor and only big brother. The world does not revolve around my pain, and yet I have come here to find a place to share my grief with others who have come here to find a place as well. The poem sums up where I am, what I feel, who I've lost and why I need to be here. If you are someone who has lost someone so precious to you, but find yourself not able to cry or share your grief with your family, because you feel they are hurting much more than you. Then I am glad you have also found this place and these people to share your story with. I have already read some stories and find comfort in reading them. I have found healing in the past by listening to other people and their stories of loss. The Woman who loved him more By Auntie Ruby January 24, 2017 It was a dark time for both of us That hour we said goodbye The light within had vanished The day had turned to night We once shared everything Our parents, home, clothes and school She is my only sister And that’s what sisters do Then we grew up from girls to women And from each other moved away She got married and had a son And I came over to play I had no need of my own family I thought, “I’ll just have hers There was enough love I figured, for both of us I changed diapers, fed And taught him some We played, danced and cried together He even once called me ‘Mom’ When time came for me To go someplace new He asked with a sad heart If he could come too I moved along And left him behind With the woman who loved him More than I We wrote letters, we called And I came back when I could He came to visit When his parents would Over time he grew From a boy to a man Came back home, got a dog A girl and some land He didn’t forget me Or our love for each other He went out of his way Like he did for his mother He was taken from us In the blink of an eye Now we’re left behind To grieve and ask why He is gone and now There’s a massive abyss And I’m left to ask where My pain fits in all this I look at my sister For a map through this grief But she’s lost worse than I Beyond my belief So now I’m finding space Where I can heal Where I can cry and Where I can feel Then I’ll dry my tears To give her room to cry Because she’s the woman who loved him Much more than I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members uncledebbie Posted January 29, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2017 auntie ruby - your poem is beautiful & i can so relate to your feelings - in dec 09 my nephew was killed in a single car accident - he had been drinking & was texting & missed a stop sign & landed in a ditch - luckily no one else was involved - but like you - i felt almost like i was on the outside looking in - my sis & her husband were so grief stricken that everyone was rallying around them - but no one gave a thought to the fact that i was hurting too - luckily i found an online grief chat site that gave me the outlet i needed to cope with my grief - i don't know how i would have made it without it & the people there - so thank you for your poem - it touched my heart <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Auntie Ruby Posted January 29, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 29, 2017 Thank you Uncle Debbie. I was told I couldn't compare the pain of losing Dad and losing my nephew. But when Dad died, I was immersed in the loss. I lived with my Mom and Dad at the time when he took ill with the Cancer and passed away two months after. I was more involved in the preparations and the details. Now I live an hour away with my husband and only see snippets of the hole that is left. Today I cleaned out a wall in my office and hung the pictures, memorials and cards. So I have a place to sit and process. To look at the evidence that that boy isn't going to come to my house anymore when I call him up. He came often to help out his Auntie Ruby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missedyesterday Posted January 31, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2017 Oh Ruby, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your poem is beautifully written. Your nephew sounds like a wonderful soul. I also find myself thinking my grief doesn't matter as much as hay best friends immediate family. They haven't made me feel that way, I guess I'm trying to minimize my pain so that I can be there for her children, her parents and siblings. (((Hugs))) to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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