A poem written after my nephew's tragic accident

[Auntie Ruby]

I am back nine years later to find a space to share my grief and sorrow once again. Nine years ago I lost my dad to cancer and came here to work through my loss.   Two weeks ago, my first nephew (26 yrs old) was killed in a vehicle accident.   I wrote this poem last week and have no one to share it with.  That is right.  When it was my dad, I felt like I was one of the closest ones that had lost. I felt like the whole world revolved around my pain.    Now there are others in much worse pain than I am.  My sister and her husband  have lost a son, my younger nephew has lost his best friend, roommate, mentor and only big brother. The world does not revolve around my pain, and yet I have come here to find a place to share my grief with others who have come here to find a place as well.  

 

The poem sums up where I am, what I feel, who I've lost and why I need to be here.  

 

If you are someone who has lost someone so precious to you, but find yourself not able to cry or share your grief with your family, because you feel they are hurting much more than you.  Then I am glad you have also found this place and these people to share your story with.  I have already read some stories and find comfort in reading them.  I have found healing in the past by listening to other people and their stories of loss.  

 

 

 

The Woman who loved him more

 

By Auntie Ruby

January 24, 2017

 

 

It was a dark time for both of us

That hour we said goodbye

The light within had vanished

The day had turned to night

 

We once shared everything

Our parents, home, clothes and school

She is my only sister

And that’s what sisters do

 

Then we grew up from girls to women

And from each other moved away

She got married and had a son

And I came over to play

 

I had no need of my own family 

I thought, “I’ll just have hers

There was enough love

I figured, for both of us

 

I changed diapers, fed

 And taught him some

We played, danced and cried together

He even once called me ‘Mom’

 

When time came for me 

To go someplace new

He asked with a sad heart

If he could come too

 

I moved along 

And left him behind

With the woman who loved him

More than I

 

We wrote letters, we called

And I came back when I could

He came to visit

When his parents would

 

Over time he grew 

From a boy to a man

Came back home, got a dog

A girl and some land

 

He didn’t forget me

Or our love for each other

He went out of his way

Like he did for his mother

 

He was taken from us

In the blink of an eye

Now we’re left behind

To grieve and ask why

 

He is gone and now

There’s a massive abyss

And I’m left to ask where

My pain fits in all this

 

I look at my sister

For a map through this grief

But she’s lost worse than I

Beyond my belief

 

So now I’m finding space

Where I can heal

Where I can cry and 

Where I can feel

 

Then I’ll dry my tears

To give her room to cry

Because she’s the woman who loved him

Much more than I

 

[uncledebbie]

auntie ruby - your poem is beautiful & i can so relate to your feelings - in dec 09 my nephew was killed in a single car accident - he had been drinking & was texting & missed a stop sign & landed in a ditch - luckily no one else was involved - but like you - i felt almost like i was on the outside looking in - my sis & her husband were so grief stricken that everyone was rallying around them - but no one gave a thought to the fact that i was hurting too - luckily i found an online grief chat site that gave me the outlet i needed to cope with my grief - i don't know how i would have made it without it & the people there - so thank you for your poem - it touched my heart <3

[Auntie Ruby]

Thank you Uncle Debbie.

 I was told I couldn't compare the pain of losing Dad and losing my nephew.  But when Dad died, I was immersed in the loss.  I lived with my Mom and Dad at the time when he took ill with the Cancer and passed away two months after.  I was more involved in the preparations and the details.  Now I live an hour away with my husband and only see snippets of the hole that is left.  Today I cleaned out a wall in my office and hung the pictures, memorials and cards.  So I have a place to sit and process.  To look at the evidence that that boy isn't going to come to my house anymore when I call him up.  He came often to help out his Auntie Ruby.  

 

 

[Missedyesterday]

Oh Ruby, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your poem is beautifully written. Your nephew sounds like a wonderful soul. I also find myself thinking my grief doesn't matter as much as hay best friends immediate family. They haven't made me feel that way, I guess I'm trying to minimize my pain so that I can be there for her children, her parents and siblings. 

 

(((Hugs))) to you.