Members lostdroid Posted January 28, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2017 It's very hard to explain to people around me the feeling I am having right now. Everyone keeps saying to me that this is life and this is the path chosen for my dad. Or how I should keep myself busy and create distractions so I can "move on" with my life. How does one move on? It doesn't register yet. I'm 27 yrs old F, my dad is 60 yrs old. 3 months ago my dad had a medical malpractice accident, from a simple stomach procedure, to being semi-vegetative and nearly brain dead. I watched him collapse and bleed all over my body right before his first multi organ failure. We were laughing about something for a few minutes in the car and as we neared a hospital he crashed. He then miraculously got out of a coma and started rehabilitation and I thought everything would be okay and he will be out soon. Then he had a second heart attack and he was resuscitated in front of me, however the incident has left him permanently disabled and brain damaged. This man is my bestfriend, he's my other half and my world. I lost my mum a long time ago and both him and I were a strong unit. To see someone so big, strong and energetic to a version of what used to be him in bed is traumatizing. He's so helpless, small and fragile. A couple of days ago, the doctors told me that it was time and I had a few minutes to say goodbye as he was entering his third cardiac arrest. I told him that it was OKAY to go and that i'll be fine. But he didn't... he came back... his bp went back to normal within minutes. But now he's fully vegetative with no hope of restoring the brain, or what he was. I feel I'm stuck in this constant limbo of not knowing if he was going to die or if he's going to live. Right now he is definitely gone, even though his heart is pumping (Euthanisation of patients like this is illegal in my country and patients can remain brain dead for years and continue to be on the ventilator) I'm so heart broken. His body has gone through so much. My heart hurts every minute. I can't breathe, I quit my job to just be around him the past 3 months. I have problems sleeping as I'm constantly getting flashes of what happened to my dad. I feel I want to die and be with him. I'm not suicidal but this is what I feel right now. How do I mourn my father who's brain dead yet still in front of me breathing. I don't understand this. I'm so lost, I feel empty and I miss him so much. I can't afford counselling here so I don't have anyone to talk to. I hope someone can share me their experiences and their coping mechanisms. It's so lonely right now and I wish I got to say goodbye to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjane Posted January 28, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 28, 2017 HUGS lostdroid ... I am so sorry that your dad and you are going through such difficult times. Life sure gets difficult sometimes and this is one of those times. Your dad sounds like such a strong man to have gone through all that he has so far. It sounds like his time to leave may be nearing. You ask how does one move on. That is a good question. I remember something my dad said to me after my mom passed on. He said "we never get over it, but in honour of your mom we will get on with it." That statement really helped me after she left us and 11 months later when my dad passed on. I believe it really is honouring our parents after they leave us to get on with life. For me it took awhile to get through the grief (which still hits me at times) but I was able to move on and try to be the best person I can be. Take care and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers for comfort. Cindy Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Posted January 30, 2017 Guests Report Share Posted January 30, 2017 Lostdroid, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's going to be hard for awhile since he's still here in body form, even if he's been declared brain dead and I imagine you won't be able to start the grief and healing process until he's laid to rest. You still can say goodbye to him, he's still breathing and even though he's brain dead I believe his soul will hear you, so talk to him and say everything you want/need to say while his body is still breathing. CindyJane, I love what your dad had said and sounds very much like my dad's philosophy when my mom passed nearly 12 years ago and that was that "life is for the living and therefore, we must move on and enjoy ourselves" and that is now helping me after losing him a month ago. In order to cope with my new life without either parent and only having one remaining blood relative (a sibling) who I'm not close with, I am now getting myself out there and connecting more with old and new friends and plan on keeping myself as busy as I can with new experiences. Thankfully my dad left me enough money to allow me to splurge a bit and I'm planning on doing just that by going out to eat, seeing concerts and plays and also buying a new wardrobe which I've been in desperate need of for quite some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lostdroid Posted February 2, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2017 On 1/30/2017 at 10:18 PM, Belle526 said: Lostdroid, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It's going to be hard for awhile since he's still here in body form, even if he's been declared brain dead and I imagine you won't be able to start the grief and healing process until he's laid to rest. You still can say goodbye to him, he's still breathing and even though he's brain dead I believe his soul will hear you, so talk to him and say everything you want/need to say while his body is still breathing. CindyJane, I love what your dad had said and sounds very much like my dad's philosophy when my mom passed nearly 12 years ago and that was that "life is for the living and therefore, we must move on and enjoy ourselves" and that is now helping me after losing him a month ago. In order to cope with my new life without either parent and only having one remaining blood relative (a sibling) who I'm not close with, I am now getting myself out there and connecting more with old and new friends and plan on keeping myself as busy as I can with new experiences. Thankfully my dad left me enough money to allow me to splurge a bit and I'm planning on doing just that by going out to eat, seeing concerts and plays and also buying a new wardrobe which I've been in desperate need of for quite some time. Hi Belle, I also lost my month over 25 yrs ago, and the idea of coping alone is scary. I have one blood relative too, a brother that I'm not very close to, or get along with and don't have the intention to do so. My dad currently have a few more days left and while he is breathing I will say goodbye to him. This pain is too unbearable as I don't feel he's in peace and I want him to lay in rest. My dad also left me enough money behind that I'm going to use to distract myself and donate to charity. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.