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i miss my boy


lizz89

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Making the decision to put my beautiful sweet boy to sleep was the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. He was with me since i was 13 years old, almost 15 wonderful years. We had his mother before him for a few wonderful years and i had my sweet boy since he was born. A few years back he had an abscess in his mouth which required all but 3 of his teeth removed. He was throwing up after that so the vet asked us to take him to a specialist. We did, they did some tests and said it look as if he had something on his spleen but the only way they would know what it was was if they did exploratory surgery. Junior never did well with vets and it always stressed him. My mum and i decided then those years ago we were going to take him home and give him the best life we could until the end. When we took him home he became his cheeky self again. Then suddenly on the 26/01/17 it all went down hill rapidly. It was about 1:30am and he started having a seizure, which he never had  before. It probably lasted about a minute but when he came out of his he couldn't breathe and he would pace around and not settle, he didnt even seem to recognise me. He managed to go to sleep and 5 hours later it happened again. Throughout the morning he had about 6 in total in a period of 12 hours, each of them getting longer each time. I couldn't stand to see him like that, so i took him to the emergency vet, who asked me questions about his age, what he was doing, if he was eating etc. She said most likely it wasn't epilepsy because of his age, but they would only know what it was if they done tests. He had already been through 6 long seizures in a 12 hour period. I couldn't put him through anymore. I made the most heart breaking decision to let him go. I was crying more than i ever have telling him i was sorry over and over again and how much i loved him while he passed away in my arms. I bring him home and buried him here where he belongs.

 

I miss him. God how i miss my beautiful sweet boy. I am finding it so hard not having him here. He was my best friend, my shadow, my everything for that past almost 15 years. Theres times i feel so guilty about putting him to sleep. I constantly question if i did the right thing, would he have came out of the seizures if we tested him, did he have more time, does he forgive me for letting him go. Its only been a two  days but I'm as miserable and as sad as that day. I still look for him. I catch a look at his bed, his lead hanging up and my heart just breaks all over again.

I still have his blanket that he slept with and i wrapped him in for the last time. It still smells like him.

He was such an important part of my life. Does it get easier in time? Will there always be a part of me that regrets my decision? i just wish i could cuddle my sweet boy one more time.

My sweet June, i hope you can understand why i had to let you go, and i hope you can forgive me. I miss you so so much and i will love you always.

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lizz89---I am so sorry for the loss of your furfriend. You had him for many wonderful years and of course you miss him. Pets are family and we grieve so much when they can no longer be with us. They are our constant companions, so loyal and trusting. So much unconditional love that is given. You did the right thing by him in making that tough decision to help him to the rainbow bridge. It was the last gift of unselfish love. He was sick and suffering and he is thankful for what you did in helping him to go peacefully. He will remember you with a lot of love that you gave him good years here. You will carry him and the love in your heart forever.

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Oh Hon, I'm so sorry for the loss of your June.  15 years is a really long life for a dog, I don't think you cut it short any except for the suffering part, and I would do the same thing...to me, the sign of a really good parent is one that cares more for their child (dog) than their own feelings.  We want to spare them pain and we don't want them to suffer for OUR benefit.

He does understand.  I truly believe we will be together again and right now he is waiting for you.  I hope you find comfort in youtube video of The Rainbow Bridge:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcQvYh_3Atw

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I'm very sorry for your loss. I understand the pain as our family had to put our beloved Gracie down recently. You did the right thing it is best to help them pass on with as little suffering as possible. Just remember the Love that your best friend brought and always keep it in your heart. The pain will slowly ease of losing your friend, it's been less than 2 weeks for us and we still cry daily. It just means that the Love you have is strong. I hope your heart heals fast and you can find peace.

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