missing my mom so much

[seattlemama]

My mom died last September and my grief gets easier some weeks and harder other weeks. This is a hard week.

I am an only child and was raised by my mother. It was just the two of us my whole childhood. She moved 4 years ago to live close to me and my husband and kids, and I am so glad that she did. We spent lots of time with her over the past 4 years. I was able to spend everyday with her during the 7 weeks between an unsuccessful surgery and her last breaths. It was just the two of us when she died in my arms......just as it had been during my childhood. 

I cannot believe that I will never see her again, that she will never give me that adoring look that she used to give me, that she won't see my boys grow up past their teenage years. I feel like I am changed forever. I witnessed the end of her life. I feel like my insides have shifted and that there is a huge hole in me that that can never be filled.  The loss is profound and gut-wrenching. I wear her ring. It is a ring that she wore everyday for 60 years. I want to wear the ring and it makes me feel closer to her, but it is also hard because it is a constant reminder that she is no longer here. I suppose  all these feelings are normal, but they sure aren't easy. I have a wonderful family, but I feel so alone in my sadness.

Mom, I miss you. Love you forever.

[cindyjane]

Hus seattlemama

I am so sorry for your loss.  You are absolutely right on 2 counts ... your feelings are normal and it sure isn't easy.  As hard as your loss is, you and your mom were given a special gift.  You were with her until the end of her life here.  In so many ways that is a difficult memory but I hope that you can come to see it for what a gift that really was.  

Take care and may you be blessed with comfort during those difficult days and moments.  

Cindy Jane

[Athina]

Seattlemama, I feel totally the same. I miss my mom terribly, it's been three months since she died very suddenly and unexpectedly. I also cannot get past the thought that mom won't see my kids grow up. She admired them so much and they are even not old enough to remember her and know what a beautiful woman she was. At the moment I cannot imagine how any future birthday of my kids or anything can be a happy moment, I will always be missing my mom. The worst is that none of my friends have lost any parent and I feel defined by my loss. I do not get any support from them cause nobody likes sad people. While I used to hang out very often before my mother died, I stopped receiving any calls or anything. This is crazy, I've become inconvenient suddenly. 

I believe I am still in denial about my mother's death. She was still quite young, not sick at the slightest. So I cannot comprehend how she just dissapeared. Just the day before we were making plans for the future. I need her so much in my daily life, she helped me a lot with my kids and now I do not have anybody to lean on. I didn't plan to live this kind of life. 

[reader]

Dear Seattlemama,

I'm so sorry for you loss. And for all your pain and sorrow. Thank you for sharing your mom's story with us. I so wish none of us had to go through losing our cherished parents. Thinking of you.