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Want to share my experience.


Andy

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KMB, I think you've defined my issue of late, the "permanence of loss" gaining ground as my new world, my new reality. Its not a thing we are used to dealing with. We lose a job, get sick, fight with a friend, suffer financial problems, damage a vehicle, these are all problematic, all carry varying degrees of difficulty. They tend though, to be temporary, we get through them, move on with our lives. This loss we face now? Oh no, not temporary, not going to correct itself. This is FOREVER. I think physiologically, our body's and our minds are "expecting" this to be over soon, it isn't in our usual experiences. This is so far removed from routine, it has an entirely different effect. It's been roughly 2 1/2 months, my "body" says "this is enough", I should be better by now. It's like an automatic reaction. A reflex of sorts. It's so terribly wrong, our minds, hearts, even down to our cells, we can't process this. If everyone on earth could feel our pain for one minute, at a young age, I wonder how many would risk marriage or any long term, committed, relationship? Of course, I wouldn't change anything, I love the life I had, the honor of being loved by her and being privileged enough to care for her, but to those who've never had that kind of sincere kind of relationship, they might have second thoughts. 

I hooked up my GoPro camera today, on one of my tvs, and my wife was in a few of the clips. Not featured front and center, but peripherally, in and out of view as I shot scenery or a few Disney World things. It was surreal, my reaction wasn't what I expected. Instead of tears or terrible waves of sorrow, it was very calming. It was if she was "there", still alive, just in another way. It saddened me of course, but not terribly so. It was reassuring that I could see her, moving, speaking, her hair moving. I have some old VHS and Super 8 tapes that I have yet to look at. Some of those WILL feature her more prominently, our wedding video, our newborn daughter, some vacations, car shows, and I really don't know what else. I'm not ready for them yet. 

Thank you KMB, I hope you rest well and find some peacefulness. Bless you,

Andy 

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18 hours ago, Andy said:

A great deal of time. I don't believe this will be "better", I think it will evolve though. Or maybe I will? Either way, learning to cope with this, figuring out how to best move forward, will be a tremendous undertaking. Any life altering experiences, good or bad, are presumably shared with our life partners, but in our case, we set out alone. Time is no friend of mine, it will try to rob my memories, create distance with the ticking of the clock, erode my emotional connections. I'll fight that, it won't take that away too. Time though, will allow me to better understand my new reality, so I guess I'll have to cooperate on that level. So much misery, so much so that I find it amazing that we can feel this much pain, hour after hour, and still function at all. Incredible. 

To a better tomorrow, or at least a more bearable one.

Andy  

You are so right.  Grief has a beginning but not an ending, but it does evolve and it changes us, how we view things, how we respond.  I've also found I'm stronger than I knew and I've learned a tremendous amount on this journey.

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1 hour ago, KayC said:

You are so right.  Grief has a beginning but not an ending, but it does evolve and it changes us, how we view things, how we respond.  I've also found I'm stronger than I knew and I've learned a tremendous amount on this journey.

KayC, I can only hope that I have the strength and resolve you've found within yourself, through faith and determination. Whether you realize it or not, you are an inspiration to myself, and I'm safe in assuming, many others as well. Thank you for your continued insight and words of encouragement, they are appreciated and taken to heart. 

Andy 

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Andy---It is the permanence of loss that is affecting me so much more so at this time. The other things in life, like you mention, jobs, sickness, vehicles. Those can be fixed or replaced. We cannot replace our soulmate. If cloning a human being was a reality, I would be fighting to get at the top of the list, no matter the cost. I don't know that much about cloning. The animals that have been cloned, were embryos to start. I would want my husband back at my current age, with full memory intact.I guess with the grieving, our minds go to bizarre places. Science fiction movies and the news media fuel that bizarreness. We would do anything to have our loved ones back with us again.

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45 minutes ago, KMB said:

Andy---It is the permanence of loss that is affecting me so much more so at this time. The other things in life, like you mention, jobs, sickness, vehicles. Those can be fixed or replaced. We cannot replace our soulmate. If cloning a human being was a reality, I would be fighting to get at the top of the list, no matter the cost. I don't know that much about cloning. The animals that have been cloned, were embryos to start. I would want my husband back at my current age, with full memory intact.I guess with the grieving, our minds go to bizarre places. Science fiction movies and the news media fuel that bizarreness. We would do anything to have our loved ones back with us again.

Today's science fiction, tomorrow's reality. We've mapped the human genome, isolating specific genes that regulate aging is in fact a possibility, not in my lifetime perhaps, but one day aging will be FAR different than today. Cloning or growing organs from our own genetic material will also be a possibility. Too bad we or our loved ones won't benefit from these advances. I suppose it's no different than people 100 years ago not having the modem "miracle" of x-rays or CT scans. 

This permanence is so "massive" in its scope, it's implications. It's so bleak, we know there is nothing that will repair our lives, nothing will be the same. I'm sure, hoping maybe, that things will get easier, joy will creep back in, but this will always be with us. It is a true watershed event, life before, then life after. A defining moment in our lives that altered everything. Our outlook, our future, the way we interact with others, even the way others see us, how we think and consider, our decisions, feelings of life and death, our moods, even physically we may experience changes, and what makes it all worse is that it is literally impossible for anyone else, not in our world, to understand this. The isolation is horrible, the loneliness nearly unbearable, and we can't "fix" it. We bide our time, we wait for a change, we hope that we get better, but we know it's not too promising. KMB, here's to a better tomorrow and I hope you get to enjoy at least a tiny bit of it. 

Love and hugs

Andy

 

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KayC, 

Andy is right..you are an inspiration for most of us here. Bless you for that. 

I've been really occupied for the last week or so and so I haven't been able to come here as much as I would like. I have a lot going on. My uncle is back in the hospital so I have been trying to visit as much as I can. I believe he is on his last now. It's so sad seeing him like this. He is barely responsive now. It seems I'm surrounded by death a lot lately. On Saturday my cousin dropped by for a short visit. He brought a friend with him. Nice guy..really pleasant. It was the first time I met him. I learnt today from my cousin that that nice guy took his own life last night. I was shocked. I mean even though I barely knew him, he was here at my house just a few days ago. It's all just so much. I am at a loss for words. This life is so strange. 

Tonight i was driving home when I realized that something wasn't right with my car. I pulled aside only to discover that I had a flat tyre. My first thought was to call Stan. He was always the one to handle all our car issues. I felt so very sad. I am really no good at changing a tyre although I know the basics of it. I called my brother who was able to help me out. It made me realize how alone I am, how alone I feel. I'm lucky to have my family around but they all have their own lives. I hate to be an imposition. Is my life always going to be such a sad mess? I feel it might as I feel I have no purpose here. 

Prayers to all my dear friends here. Much love.

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OMG, Nads!  I'm so sorry!  That must have been a horrible shock!  We never know what's going on inside of people.  I can't say it hasn't occurred to me many times but when all's said and done, I couldn't do that, not really.  It's not that I want to be dead, it's that I often don't want to go through what I have to go through.  But there IS no easy out!  And knowing how hard my daughter is grieving the loss of her baby/pregnancy, I could never put her through anything more.  Even if she doesn't call me.  I know she loves me, it's not about me, it's about her and what she is going through.  And my son, we've always been close, even if he does live 2 1/2 hours away, even if he has a wife and two babies and works long hours.  The feelings are the same between us no matter how busy his life is.  The thirties is a busy time in life, I remember.

Gosh, Nads, something like this kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it.  This morning I was thinking I HAVE to live to take care of my animals, I could not bear them going through the emotional pain of losing me, they mean too much to me.  So our thoughts go.  But I wonder what the difference is between the person suicide occurs to and the person that actually does it?

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14 hours ago, Nads said:

onight i was driving home when I realized that something wasn't right with my car. I pulled aside only to discover that I had a flat tyre. My first thought was to call Stan. He was always the one to handle all our car issues. I felt so very sad. I am really no good at changing a tyre although I know the basics of it. I called my brother who was able to help me out. It made me realize how alone I am, how alone I feel. I'm lucky to have my family around but they all have their own lives. I hate to be an imposition. Is my life always going to be such a sad mess? I feel it might as I feel I have no purpose here. 

And I bet your brother didn't mind being called, he didn't consider it an imposition.  My family isn't around to help with stuff like that, but I could call someone from my church to help if the tire center was closed.  It IS hard not having our husbands to call, people don't realize until they're there.  Even facing this eye surgery, it'd be so much easier if my husband was here.  I'm lucky a friend has volunteered to stay with me a couple of days afterwards and another friend is taking me to/from the surgery.

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Nads---So sorry about what you have been dealing with. We lose our soulmates and are left alone to deal with a world that seems to be conspiring against us. The world isn't against us though, it just feels that way. Random occurrences feel more overwhelming. Like your flat tire. Our first thought is to call our husband and it kicks in that we can't. Panic mode---our brain is scrambling to figure out who else to call. I don't think your brother considered it an imposition. It probably made him feel good that he could do something proactive to help you. That is true support. You are blessed.  I can't imagine having someone I met in my home that takes their life a few days later. There are no words for that experience. I wonder how your cousin is coping with the loss of a friend in that manner?

Hang in there, Nads. Keep checking in. You have so much to deal with and yet, you keep carrying on. You are stronger than you realize. Stan is cheering you on.

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KayC, You are blessed to be able to have a friend take you to your surgery and another willing to stay with you for a couple days. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Nads, I'm so sorry for the experiences of late you've been enduring, simply horrible. It's always so shocking and sad to hear of a suicide, especially someone you know, even casually or briefly. I told my daughter, years ago, as she entered those middle-high school years, to always try and choose your words carefully when speaking to others. We really have no idea what someone on any particular day may be going through. What you say could make a significant impact, for better or worse, on someone's life. BE KIND. When in doubt, be kind. You, at that moment, might be the only person who shows anything resembling kindness or respect to an individual. 

I think it's all a window into just how much misery, pain, loneliness, hopelessness and sorrow there is, seems like more and more everyday. 

And I'm sorry about you're uncle, it's nice that you've gone to see him, I know he must appreciate your kindness. It's the little things that we appreciate the most and miss the most when they're gone. 

KayC, I'm glad you have support for your impending eye surgery. I'd be glad to take you, but I'm afraid I wouldn't make back in time for work, because I imagine you're over 15-18 hours away. :-) 

The difference between a thought and an action is everything I believe. Thoughts are exercises in frustration, academic considerations, fantasy, formations of inspiration, and so on, but action is very different. It's the expression of our thoughts. It's normal after suffering loss or severe trauma (not including psychological disorders) to consider or "flirt" with the idea of taking our life, but to carry it out is NOT normal. People will go to extraordinary lengths to preserve their life, that's normal, so getting to a point where it feels ok to actually end ones life, that's very different. How many times do we think about knocking a coworker about the head with a sturdy piece of hickory? A few times I imagine, but we don't go through with it. Those thoughts of self destruction should be confronted at all times, and I'd suggest (implore!) to anyone that they seek professional guidance if those thoughts persist. It is not the answer. Anyway, I'll hop off my high horse. Don't mean to "preach", but I've seen the destruction left in the wake of suicides, and it can destroy a family and plant seeds of future issues for those left to deal with this tragedy. Our adopted daughter has suffered FOUR suicides, all in her biological family, the first her father when she was 8, the last was 1 month ago, her maternal grandfather. It's horrific. 

 

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Now they're predicting snow the day before the surgery (haven't predicted day of yet) which could be problematic.  :angry:

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16 hours ago, Andy said:

The difference between a thought and an action is everything I believe. Thoughts are exercises in frustration, academic considerations, fantasy, formations of inspiration, and so on, but action is very different. It's the expression of our thoughts. It's normal after suffering loss or severe trauma (not including psychological disorders) to consider or "flirt" with the idea of taking our life, but to carry it out is NOT normal. People will go to extraordinary lengths to preserve their life, that's normal, so getting to a point where it feels ok to actually end ones life, that's very different. How many times do we think about knocking a coworker about the head with a sturdy piece of hickory? A few times I imagine, but we don't go through with it. Those thoughts of self destruction should be confronted at all times, and I'd suggest (implore!) to anyone that they seek professional guidance if those thoughts persist. It is not the answer. Anyway, I'll hop off my high horse. Don't mean to "preach", but I've seen the destruction left in the wake of suicides, and it can destroy a family and plant seeds of future issues for those left to deal with this tragedy. Our adopted daughter has suffered FOUR suicides, all in her biological family, the first her father when she was 8, the last was 1 month ago, her maternal grandfather. It's horrific. 

You're right, the difference between a thought occurring and acting on it is all the difference in the world to those remaining as well as to the one contemplating it.  It removes all hope.

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It's 3:17 am and lying wide awake, crying, because my Tracie isn't coming back. My God, 3 months, I admire all of you who are further along than myself.  6, 10 months, 2, 5, 12 years, how does this work? My poor daughter, she was in such a sad state earlier. Asking me how this is possible, how can her momma be gone? How can my wife be gone? My dear Tracie, who I need so much. I needed her everyday we were together, I needed her the day she passed, and I need her now, this minute. How do I manage, with whatever time I have left, to go on without her? I'm so weak. I saw a sign today, in an antique mall, it asked "What is a home without a mom?" Indeed, what is it? Like me, empty I suppose. 

Please come home, our little girl needs you, she needs her momma, and I'm falling apart. 

I hope you still think of me, I love you so much

Andy

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Oh Andy, I hear you and your daughter's heart's cries,  I'm so sorry...

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Andy...hugs to you. I'm so sorry. Wish I could help somehow. At three months I felt exactly how you're feeling right now. It's has gotten a bit easier now though as I am about five and a half months in. I still have my grief waves and I still cry but I'm here still. You are stronger than you know and you are there for your daughter regardless of how you may be feeling. Hope you have a better day today. My prayers are with you. Love to you. 

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I usually post when I'm feeling somewhat "good", but after reading some posts and feeling not-so-good this morning, I've found myself in a bad way.  It will be 3 months on Saturday, March 1.  Will I ever stop crying?  Every single day I cry, some for a longer time than others, some more than once.  In some ways it feels worse as time goes by.  The larger picture seems bleaker.  Maybe I'm looking ahead too far.  I am still trying so hard to stay in the day, but there are so many things in my life that are questions marks right now.  

I was in the middle of job searching and interviewing when Pat passed.  So, I'm still not working but I really need to be.  But I don't know how I will make it through an 8 hour day at a job.  I still don't feel I have that focus back.  I've also been considering relocating to LA, where my daughter is.  What's keeping me here?  No Pat, no job, no daughter.  And I hate the cold weather here.  People are saying I shouldn't make such a major decision while I'm in this state of mind, but I feel like I will always be in this state, so when would I make such a decision?  

I know there's a plan for me, but I have no idea what that is.  I've made some work related contacts out in LA and have applied for more jobs out there (and here).  I guess it's in God's hands and what will be will be.  In the meantime, I need to get through these excruciating days somehow.  Today is one of those days - so painful, so sad, missing him so much, and so much confusion and uncertainty about my future without him.

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HHFaith, I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. I myself find Sundays to be the hardest, maybe because it was the one day where we spent the entire day together doing whatever we felt like. For me, being busy at work helps. I'm sure it help you as well. At first I had to force myself to focus but it got better. It's still very hard though but I'm handling it all better. The option to move to L.A. can be one worth considering as you will be closer to your daughter and have that source of comfort and support and a change of environment can be healthy sometimes. I know God will guide you to make the best decision for yourself. Just take it one moment at a time and you will get through those excruciating times. Post here whenever you feel especially when you're not so good. We are all here for one another....good and bad. 

My prayers are with you. 

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56 minutes ago, Nads said:

HHFaith, I'm so sorry you're having a bad day. I myself find Sundays to be the hardest, maybe because it was the one day where we spent the entire day together doing whatever we felt like. For me, being busy at work helps. I'm sure it help you as well. At first I had to force myself to focus but it got better. It's still very hard though but I'm handling it alel better. The option to move to L.A. can be one worth considering as you will be closer to your daughter and have that source of comfort and support and a change of environment can be healthy sometimes. I know God will guide you to make the best decision for yourself. Just take it one moment at a time and you will get through those excruciating times. Post here whenever you feel especially when you're not so good. We are all here for one another....good and bad. 

My prayers are with you. 

Thanks Nads.  Yes, Sundays are tough.  We also would spend the day together doing whatever, and no matter what it was we were doing, it was always good.  It amazes me how truly happy we were doing anything and everything together.  It's so sad that we only had a short time together, that his happiness was cut so short.  And mine too.  His life is over but I'm left here - will I ever be happy again?  Not feeling so today.  I do have faith and I know in my head that I will be ok, but my heart is not feeling it today.  I am going to try to make this a "take care of myself" day.  I'm not very good at it, but I have to be.  My health and my sanity have to be my priorities.  I just made a big mug of tea, have my cozy robe on, listening to my playlist, looking at pictures of Pat and me.  Think I need a new box of Kleenex!

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HHFaith, You are doing what you need to do for you. We all need those *take care of yourself* days. I'm also still in my cozy robe, but with a mug of decaf coffee. Sundays are tough for me too. It was *our* day, to do what we wanted, even if was flaking out in front of the tv in the afternoon. This new, empty, lonely life is a b---- to get used to.

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Nads, Keep praying. God will show you the direction you need for yourself. Just be still and listen to your intuition, that is God speaking to you. (HUGS)

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Andy, I am so sorry for you and your daughter. Our losses are so unbearable that I would think our hearts would just give out from the pain. A huge hug for you and your daughter.

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Dear Andy,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your love and devotion to your beloved wife touched my heart.

Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

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9 hours ago, KayC said:

Oh Andy, I hear you and your daughter's heart's cries,  I'm so sorry...

Thank you KayC, your words are ever appreciated and your kindness even more so. 

Love, 

Andy

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8 hours ago, Nads said:

Andy...hugs to you. I'm so sorry. Wish I could help somehow. At three months I felt exactly how you're feeling right now. It's has gotten a bit easier now though as I am about five and a half months in. I still have my grief waves and I still cry but I'm here still. You are stronger than you know and you are there for your daughter regardless of how you may be feeling. Hope you have a better day today. My prayers are with you. Love to you. 

Thank you Nads, last night was just so out of sync, it was one of the tougher moments in about 6-8 days I think. Another "sucker punch". Laid me out. My heart hurts worse thinking about my daughters grief and my relative inability to do anything about it. Too much pain, so much sadness. I keep moving though, she needs me to carry her when she can't move, and God will need to carry us both when I'm too exhausted and frail. 

Love, 

Andy

P.S. You do help, you all do, merely reaching out with your kind words helps more than you'll ever know. Bless you, you all are so generous. 

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KMB, thank you, you said something I think about quite often. How DO our hearts, minds, our sanity even, hold up to this constant barrage of sorrow? It's so constant, so relentless in its grip. It's a wonder we get up at all, that we can actually dress and shower and tie our shoes. I find it extraordinary that I can write a check and operate a vehicle. 

Love, 

Andy

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1 hour ago, reader said:

Dear Andy,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your love and devotion to your beloved wife touched my heart.

Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.

Reader, thank you so much for saying so. My love was/is absolute for my wife, and I miss her every second of the day. It's tough figuring out "life" without my beloved, and my daughters pain makes this so much more difficult, but, she's also a great strength for me, and a source of inspiration. She provides me with a degree of "necessity". I'm not sure I'd find anything necessary without her. 

Love and hugs,

Andy

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HHFaith, I'm so sorry about your state, your conflicting thoughts about moving and finding work. It's all such a convoluted mess, and nothing really makes it easier other than just slogging through it, dirt and all. I think you'll figure out what's best for you, only you can know what's right. I would say perhaps, give yourself a little time before making any BIG decisions, I've done a little reading on this and it's often the biggest "regret" among widows/widowers, making a decision and later wishing they had waited. Usually financial in nature or choosing to live with a family member. I believe you'll make the right choice though, it'll work out as best as it can. Nothing about any of this is easy. It seems like every choice is either larger than life or completely unimportant. My thoughts and prayers to you. 

Love and comfort,

Andy

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Andy, I don't know how any of us do this, day after day. There must be something hard wired in our DNA in order for us to survive our loss and deal with the resulting pain, to continue on. I think of all the generations that have come before us. People have been coping with loss of loved ones since the beginning of creation. It is US, coping with loss NOW. I think about the people I currently know and wonder how they are going to cope when they lose their spouse.

I think about those things to try to come to an understanding for myself. Someday, when all of us are gone, we will have those we know grieving for us. We know what they are in for.  It's a never ending cycle. (HUGS)

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37 minutes ago, KMB said:

There must be something hard wired in our DNA in order for us to survive our loss and deal with the resulting pain, to continue on

Probably. Without any hope It's unbearable. I have felt the complete lack of hope, one may as well not live at that point. But I think about how my gran's "presence" or "soul" or whatever must still be out there. It gives me more comfort day by day. I feel like we're all connected in some way. Well I don't necessarily "feel" it all that much, but there are coincidences and moments when I do.

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On 3/26/2017 at 8:31 AM, HHFaith said:

I've also been considering relocating to LA, where my daughter is.  What's keeping me here?  No Pat, no job, no daughter.  And I hate the cold weather here.  People are saying I shouldn't make such a major decision while I'm in this state of mind, but I feel like I will always be in this state, so when would I make such a decision?  

I think the one exception to that "rule" if there is one would be if you don't have a good support system and want to move where there is one.  I remember a lady who lost her husband and lived clear across the country from her family, she had no one where she was, she relocated to where her family was and I think it was a good decision for her and she knew her own mind wisely.  We all have to do what is right for us.

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HHFaith,

I'm glad you understand the importance of self-care, now more than ever.  It took me years after George died to realize that...he was the one that always made sure I was cared for, and I've had to take over that role now.  Being in your robe, having a cup of tea, sounds the way to go!  We should buy stock in Kleenex!

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KMB, new, Andy, HHFaith, all of you reading,

I thank God for this community of support.  Yes, people have been dealing with loss since the beginning of time, but they didn't have the internet and hence grief forums, I'm glad that they were around when I needed it most!

Today I'm having a hard time, a lot of hard things (family situations) I'm grieving and grappling with.  My daughter, my nephew, my son's situation, it's all weighing on me, and as usual, when I am going through something hard, I'm wishing George was here going through it with me, he was truly my biggest support.

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KayC----I wish there was something I could do for you to ease your burdens. I do pray for you, like I do for everyone here. I know you talk to George, just like I talk to Ed. Sometimes I do feel a calmness and feel that he is listening. We all want the best for our families, to see them happy and fulfilled with life. I try the best I can for my own kids in whatever help I can give and leave the rest up to them and God. (HUGS)

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Thanks.  My daughter is having a really hard time with the loss of her baby, nothing I can fix. :(  And my nephew is going through a really rough place, my sister is very worried about him, again, nothing I can do but pray.  It IS emotional though to watch our loved ones struggling.  And my cyst decided to shrink, I'm scheduled for surgery Friday, now I don't know if the doctor will go through with it, after I've made special arrangements for someone to drive me in (120 miles) and stay with me during recovery.  I went through this once before and they canceled.  Trouble is, they schedule it so far out you don't know what it'll be like by then...I've lived with it for seven years and just want it gone, it keeps causing eye infections and discomfort and distorted vision.  Grr!  Guess I'll know Friday one way or another.

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KayC---Sorry about the cyst. Maybe it would be best just to convince the doctor to remove it even though it has shrunk.  No more far out appointments and finding someone to help you .I have a cyst on my lower back. I was born with it. Must be genetics. I was told my dad had cysts. I have to be careful with the pants I wear. Nothing with a hard, thick seam near the waist band to irritate it into swelling. I had a specialist look at it years ago. He said it was a type of cyst that had an 80% chance of returning. So, I live with it and am careful.

I wish the best for your kids. As mothers, we always worry, no matter how old they are.

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This one returns too but it's on my eyeball, it hurts when you blink, hurts when you don't!  There is no convincing doctors, if they think there isn't enough to work with, they won't do it, I just hope and pray he will.  Bad enough they won't quote me and the insurance won't pay for it.  Anything uncomfortable, I'd say, get it off and take your chances it'll be a long while before it returns!

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KayC----I hope your cyst gets removed. I cannot imagine how you deal with the pain. It would drive me bonkers. Insurance won't cover part of the cost and you can't get a quote? That is unacceptable. My husband didn't have health coverage when he needed his bypass surgery. We were given an estimated cost and in the end we were given some discounts. You would think eye doctors would work the same with procedural costs.

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No it all goes towards deductible that I probably will never meet.  That's the way of insurance nowadays.

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I know. Insurance companies are a pain and a rip off. They know they have you by the short hairs, LOL

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On 3/28/2017 at 5:48 PM, KayC said:

This one returns too but it's on my eyeball, it hurts when you blink, hurts when you don't!  There is no convincing doctors, if they think there isn't enough to work with, they won't do it, I just hope and pray he will.  Bad enough they won't quote me and the insurance won't pay for it.  Anything uncomfortable, I'd say, get it off and take your chances it'll be a long while before it returns!

KayC, I can't imagine having to deal with not only the cyst itself, but add on that navigating an insurance pain, but the logistics of just getting to the Dr. You are indeed a very resourceful and strong individual. I hope it all works out with as little difficulty as possible. Praying for you,

Andy

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7 hours ago, KMB said:

I know. Insurance companies are a pain and a rip off. They know they have you by the short hairs, LOL

Amen. That goes for car insurance as well, but that's a story for another day. Meh. 

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KayC----Wishing you the best for your( hopefully) eye surgery tomorrow. Safe traveling and I'll be praying for you that all goes well.

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Thank you all, I have my friend coming up tonight, going to take me down and back tomorrow and stay with me while I recuperate.  I just hope they do it and it turns out okay.  I have a hard time trusting anyone with my eyes...a doctor butchered my sister's eyes and she's pretty much blind now because of it.

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Hope it goes well kay c, im glad your friend is looking after you, take care x

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KayC, my thoughts are with you and my prayers for you. 

Love and support, Andy

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I attended a car show today. I took the car by myself, my daughter showed up later. I really like the whole car culture atmosphere, you meet such a broad spectrum of people, from young "tuners" to old gear heads, all pretty much good people. I met a retired college tennis coach today, we began talking over his 67' Beetle and the conversation turned to his first wife. She, he told me, had died of cancer, they fought it together for nearly 5 years before she slipped away. He also told me he had remarried, but shared that "it wasn't the same". His second wife was a "good woman", loved her dearly, but his first wife occupied a permanent and special place in his heart. It got me to thinking about that scenario, is that how most people feel? Or is he an exception? I think he was being very candid with me, he told me my grief would ease with time, but it'll be with me always. IF I ever find myself at that place where I would even consider another person, will I even be emotionally ready? Is it possible to set aside your feelings for your beloved to make room for another? At this point, I can't even see that being possible, I can't imagine that. I know people do, and I thinks it's great, but ultimately it's an individual decision. I appreciated his honesty, and his words. Anyway, I wanted to share with any of you just another experience brought on by this new world. 

Andy

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