Michael

[amanda1]

I have read a few articles on grief and how it's not good to grieve alone., what if you just don't have any one to talk to.  My daughter was shot  and  my son Michael  went to her rescue, He was shot an killed. I Cant talk to my sister, she said she understood how I heel because she had a dog die on her Birthdays , . I can't talk to my daughter, she was there trying to do CPR on her dead brother and is dealing with too much guilt.

.  my husband after 3 days thinks I need professional help because I was crying., My son passed 5-14-16 and there has only been 2 days that I have not cried.to date. some days I hurt so bad I cant breath. and I don't know why I still hurt so dad. when does it get better,

[XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX]

Oh Amanda ~

i, too had similar experiences & have walked this lonely road alone,,then I found a web sight like this with others who basically saved my life / sanity in that I found all I felt , thought, did, was common to others who have lost their heart where their body soul & spirit were broken into a million peaces ~~

keep comeing here,,,keep saying all you need to ,,all you feel all the words you much say to work thru your grief ~

this is a supportive & caring community of broken hearts.  

MY SWEET RONNIE ~~~~

[Tommy's mum]

Amanda1 that is such a sad story involving both your daughter and son. How brave he was to come to her rescue and terribly sad that he died because of his love for his sister. Both of you need some help, in fact the whole family. I expect your daughter probably has survivor guilt as well as PTSD and that definitely calls for a professional to help her come to terms with the tragedy. Men often feel they have to be the strong one and try to put on a brave practical face to bolster everyone up. you are Michael's mum and that love will never change. you birthed him and taught him and he will always be in your life and heart it is just you cannot see him for a while. I cried daily for months and months and if you read other posts you will see the tears are always there even years after the loss, but families learn to find life again.The pain does get easier i promise but it takes a long time, it is not called a grief journey for nothing. Is there any way you can get a bereavement counsellor?  look online for telephone counselling and in your community, if you belong to a church there may be a pastor available to talk with you. My bereavement counsellor has been incredibly helpful in my recovery. I also needed the help of a psychiatrist and medications to cope. My son Tommy lost his life trying to save a suicidal friend so we have a similar tragedy. The friend survived.You should feel so incredibly proud of your son and for yourself and your husband for bringing up two children with such a strong bond. this forum is a safe place to talk about what happened and how you are feeling with parents who have all been in your shoes albeit different circumstances. Here they can offer up support and encouragement, offer books or things that have helped them to heal, share stories about their children and quotes or songs that have had an impact. It is a support network like no other, we are glad you came.

[TearsInHeaven]

Amanda1- You have come to a place where those of us unfortunately know this pain all to well but fortunately have bonded together to share, and support each other with this loss. When a child dies our world is shattered and we are brought to our knees. Violent loss is incomprehensible. We recently had a man on this site who also suffered from the horrific loss of the murder of his son. This grief process is one long, emotional roller coaster. Seeing that it has only been a few months since you lost your Michael, I remember that lost feeling-- and the pain--- and the anguish.  Your world has been violently shaken and all that you know seems to have fallen out from under you.  You have come to a good place.  Right now don't think of how you will get through the rest of your life.  You need to think about the next hour, minute... that is all you can handle right now.  Your grief will be unique just as your loving son Michael is.  You will learn your way on this path. Sharing your pain can help. A special counselor practicing in bereavement is good, and agreeing with Tommy's mum,you and your daughter may need help dealing with these tragic circumstances. I am a couple of years into this and the path of grief throws things at you. But having the ability to get my feelings out  has helped...if helped is the right word.... There is not a day goes by that I do not think of losing my son and the sorrow is always hanging around my heart. I can probably admit to crying daily still.  Not always the gut wrenching cry from early on but a thought, saying his name, can make the tears come. There is not a morning that I wake (an sleep is not always a willing action) that I do not think my son is gone.  But it is a little different then in the beginning---  Someone on the Loss of an Adult Child thread told me early on that tears are the love you have inside for your child.  That has stuck with me all this time.   I am sure your love for your Michael is pouring out of you.  There are many active parents on here.  I spend most of my time on the Loss of An adult Child and that is a very active forum and there are many on that forum I think of as my mentors who have helped me this far along. I could not do the counseling part as it just did not work on a personal level.  Losing a child no matter what age or what circumstances is the loneliest journey a person takes. Those who come close to understanding that are those who share that experience. A grieving parent has to find their own way to live with the loss but they do not have to be alone.

[Tommy's mum]

Dianne wise words none of us need to feel alone even if in our daily lives we are alone because there are wonderful people on this site who care and more importantly understand. I live alone and because of my mental breakdown and a severely broken ankle  which has required multiple surgereies have barely left my home since my son was killed in 2015. i am medicated and see a wonderful bereavement counsellor who has helped me see the light again and I am able to leave my home a couple times a week now for groceries and to see my parents who live locally. huge progress but it is slow. My other 3 kids are at university or working in other cities and it does get lonely even though my parents and sister are very supportive. I could not face attending a group because of my anxiety and depression so found that this online forum is very healing. i also journal my feelings, just acknowledging them is very powerful and you can write anything you want, heck you can swear, rant and rave and its all ok. i have written a couple of poems, and written down dreams that I have had so i can take away the power of nightmares. We all hold the power of healing in ourselves sometimes we need a little more help and that is ok, it is ok to reach out to people who are able to support you. it takes a long time to get to a more peaceful place and grief is very individual so dont be hard on yourself. you will be ok it just feels like that will never will happen right now. take and deal with each day hour minute whatever, as it comes dont try to look too far into what the future holds its all about surviving and coping each day and very slowly you will overcome all the obstacles and anniversaries and painful reminders. you will miss your michael forever because you loved him so much but you will also learn to be able to manage in your new reality and get stronger.

[TearsInHeaven]

Tommy's mum-I am sorry to hear of all the issues you are having to face along with your grief.  I agree that the online forum--this one in particular has  been a lifeliine for me. I could not deal with counseling as that just did not work as I needed.  I know how far I have come in 2 years but I know I have a long way ahead. I hope those new find the same type of comfort from this that I have.  Sometimes on different threads responses are not there as quickly so I hope that all who find their way here can find a little peace in knowing they are not alone.  As I am sure you have found over the last year + that those who have suffered this loss understand the kaleidoscope of feeling the bereaved parent faces.

Take care and hopefully Amanda finds her way back on.

[Tommy's mum]

thanks Dianne I am doing ok but it took almost 18 months to  get to where I am now. I feel hope for the first time and see some light ahead which I am very grateful for. i dont want to just live I want to find joy in life and get to where i can honour tommy's memory with volunteering and helping others. I am glad you see how far you have come too and to read your posts about it. Newer members need the hope we survivors can offer, that there is life after a death, and that we all heal at different rates and in different ways. This forum is for expressing emotions and offering suggestions that have been helpful to our own journey and I have found it very healing and revealing. thanks for your valuable input, you have an excellent sensitivity with words.

[TearsInHeaven]

Tommy's mum, thanks for the kind and encouraging words. We all know how difficult this is and being there for each other means so much.

 

Amanda1- hope you are doing ok. Know that those of us here think of you.

[Tommy's mum]

Dianne thanks for your words. grieving is so hard and so personal. We just need to find what works for us as individuals and keep on going, and try to encourage others .What works for one won't work for another, but sharing personal experiences is helpful because you realise you are not alone on this desperately sad journey.