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I want to go too.


Stonesie

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KMB,

I'm glad to hear you have heat, especially with a snow storm coming.  Did you ever hear from the furnace guy?  Because it is NOT okay for them to say they'll be out and just not show!

I hope you were able to get some groceries, I know how it is to be stranded, I went a months without being able to get all my groceries because of being snowed in and vehicles not running, etc.  Not fun!

Sometimes I want to escape reality too.  I think about getting on a bus and just going to anywhere/nowhere.  But of course I can't , I have my dog and cat, and the bills go on, etc.

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Hi KayC---Furnace guy just left. Installed a new controller box which somehow transmits with the ignitor.  I won't get billed for 2 weeks until I call at that time and let them know it is working. Will get groceries this afternoon. Snow won't come in until later this evening. Furnace guy did apologize for not calling yesterday and letting me know they had gotten back logged.

I have thought about escaping to visit one of the kids who lives long distance. But because the pets are elderly, I don't want to. They need the stability of home. No one I can count on to take care of them throughout the day and it would be hard on them to leave them in a kennel. I just don't have the heart to leave them. I don't want them to feel I abandoned them when I am all they have. Besides, being at home here brings me the comfort I need at this time. I think if I were gone for a week or two and came back, the reality would hit me hard and I would lose whatever I have gained in mental stability. I know that time will help with that but even now when I come back from errands,etc it is still hard to walk into this house that is empty without my husband.

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I hear you with the pets...Kitty is almost 21 and not feeling well, I hope she's not near the end.  I, too, consider my pets when considering leaving.  We no longer have a local kennel and I don't want to over burden the neighbor that keeps my dog when I'm gone.

I hope the storm isn't as bad as predicted, I know how it is!  I'm supposed to get more snow tomorrow night and Thursday, ugh.

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KayC, The local weather was just on and the prediction is 1-3", but with drizzle ahead of it, less than the original prediction which is fine with me. More snow for Mon. and Tues. though, maybe from your system coming in? still icy out here from the freezing rain last week and warmer temps. waiting for spring so I can be outside more without risking a fall on the darn ice. Can't even go for a walk. I have ice treads for the boots but they don't help much.

Sorry to hear about Kitty. I hope you don't lose her------

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On 1/23/2017 at 8:07 PM, KMB said:

I'm ok, I have heat. The furnace has a mind of its own, To top it off, it is only 7 years old but some part needs to be replaced. The furnace will turn on and then just quit. It is intermittent and takes some time, swear words and praying to get it going again. I thought the issue was fixed last month but the furnace has other ideas I guess. Missing my husband just seems to make everything more overwhelming.  Doesn't everybody just wish we could all escape reality for a bit and when we return our partners are here and life is back to normal?

I constantly wish this was a bad dream that I can wake from...so far no dice.

I have had two comforting dreams with him in it since I last spoke.  That helped a little.

I have to say - it must be Murphy's law or something but EVERYTHING in my house is breaking.  Pool pump, garage door, microwave, washing machine...a bunch of little things too.  Unreal.  All of it since I lost Kevin.  Sigh.  I know how you feel.

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KayC I hope Kitty will be alright.  It would be absolutely horrid to lose a furkid on top of what you're already trying to handle.

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Stonesie,

I can relate as the moment I lost my job and retired, my roof decided to leak, then the 40' ramp needed replaced, the house needs painted, the flooring needs replaced, the shed is falling down, the back of the garage decided to rot and needs replaced, the 35' x 15' patio had a new roof put on incorrectly and needs totally replaced again...the ducting needed replaced, the wood stove needs replaced, on and on it goes along with the plumbing nightmares, etc.  My house is not weatherized and I can't afford to use electric heat so I'm going to have a new wood stove put in, and when I can afford it will hire someone else to replace the patio roof and eventually the back of the garage.  The paint and flooring will have to wait, and the shed that's rotting will be taken down someday.  My biggest concerns are the roofs and I had the house roof replaced, but the contractor went to prison and then it started leaking and so much for my warranty, had to pay to have someone else come out at my expense.  I had the ramp taken down and rebuilt...twice.  Yikes!!  It's never ending!  I got the plumbing problems taken care of.  Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here, this place is a worthless money pit!  Yet he loved it here.  I just wish he was still here to help me.  I know he'd be proud of me for the decisions I've made, the prioritizing I've had to do.  The decisions are endless.

I don't think Kitty will die this week, but she's showing signs of aging, it scares me, she's nearly 21 and her health has been excellent until this year, I just see signs of her slowing down and not feeling good. :(  The thought of another loss does not bode well.

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Stonsie, I hear you. The grieving just causes all the other trivial daily things that can go wrong to feel so overwhelming. So many times I wish to be with my husband where we don't have to deal with this so called thing called living a life. I sometimes feel that somehow I got stuck in a different dimension and I can't find my way out to go home where my husband is and life is back to normal. But, this is our reality and it does suck. Just have to somehow keep breathing my way through it.

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Stonesie, your husband passed a month after mine. I totally understand. I had no idea that was coming although, yes, he did have heart problems. But we also thought things were getting better and were "under control" since he received a pacemaker. You're right. Nothing seems to matter. I am in bed right now at 3:30 in the afternoon. I have been unable to make myself go back to work. I have no money coming in and my house is overdue but I can't make myself care. The only thing that matters to me at all are our pets. I find both solace and sadness with them. I don't want to go on either. But I will for them, somehow. They are all I have. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry.

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JC_TX, You sound like me. All that seems to matter are the pets. Them and me are what is left of our family. I owe it to them to take care of them, they only have me now. The pets are getting on the elderly side. When I talk to my husband, and I hope he can hear me, I tell him that I will hang in there somehow for our pets. But when it is their turn to return to the afterlife, what then? I take care of all the other necessities on autopilot. Living a life now just seems so pointless and empty. My husband and our pets were my total joy. Nothing or no one can replace him or top the life we had.

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13 hours ago, KMB said:

But when it is their turn to return to the afterlife, what then?

Somehow other pets have found their way to me so that I have not ever been totally without animals depending on me even when the ones I used to have died.

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All three of our dogs are 7 years old.  They are medium/large doggies and from what I understand the bigger the dog the shorter the life span.  I hope all three live long happy lives because I think I cannot possibly handle the loss of any of them.

JC_TX I am awake too late at night because I hate going to bed without him...and then I sleep too too long.  Really all I want to do is sleep my life away.  I wake and such to take care of the dogs.  Really, thank God for our doggies...without them I fear I really wouldn't bother getting up.

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Stonesie, It's comforting to have the pets to take care of. It is what gets me out of bed. I hope things get easier for you. For reasons we don't know yet, our lives will go on. We want to be with our husband's, but we were given no choice in the matter. Someday we will be with them again, just have to try and make the best of it till that time comes.

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Stonsie,

My dog, Arlie, was 140 lbs and his life expectancy was nine...he turns nine next month.  He's lost weight this last year (I have him on a special diet, I make his food) he's down to 113 lbs now and seems in really good health other than the Colitis which I try to keep under control and the cysts we watch.  I hope I get several more years with him too!

Kitty is almost 21 and living on borrowed time but I enjoy each day I have with her and hope she continues to live another....who knows how long...with me yet.

I'm with you and KMB in that my pets not only mean the world to me but give me incentive to keep going, a purpose to live.  I can't imagine life without them in it!

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On 1/27/2017 at 0:50 PM, KayC said:

Stonsie,

My dog, Arlie, was 140 lbs and his life expectancy was nine...he turns nine next month.  He's lost weight this last year (I have him on a special diet, I make his food) he's down to 113 lbs now and seems in really good health other than the Colitis which I try to keep under control and the cysts we watch.  I hope I get several more years with him too!

Kitty is almost 21 and living on borrowed time but I enjoy each day I have with her and hope she continues to live another....who knows how long...with me yet.

I'm with you and KMB in that my pets not only mean the world to me but give me incentive to keep going, a purpose to live.  I can't imagine life without them in it!

Wow! He is a BIG doggie!  I'm glad he is well at 9 years old.  Gives me hope that I can have mine longer.

The thing that strikes me as great is how much you seem to make sure to enjoy Kitty and Arlie every day.  That's so important.

I feel some guilt over how much I end up sleeping and being dormant - I'm sure this must affect the dogs.  I've even had to feed them their first meal of the day way later than usual a few times, slept right through.  Kevin used to feed them when he was getting ready for work in the morning :(

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They can adjust to new schedules once they come to realize it as such.  I had a hard time sleeping after George died so I haven't had the over-sleeping problem, if anything, not enough sleep!

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Stonesie-----KayC is right. Pets can and do adjust to a different schedule. My dog has made the adjustment. I have been staying up later and staying in bed later in the morning. I have sleeping issues as well. There is nothing wrong with sleeping more, so don't feel guilty. Our bodies and minds are dealing with this reality we didn't want. Hang in there. Someday, we'll figure it out.

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