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Helping the remaining parent


RachK

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My Dad died last October. It was incredibly sudden. His death came a week after being diagnosed with cancer.

My mum is a relatively young widow at 58. Initally she was very much in shock at the speed with which my Dad died. Now the reality of his death is begining to kick in and life is very lonely for her. She's retired so does not have the focus of a job anymore. I'm her only child and I live on the other side of the country. She has no brothers or sisters. She has been quite active in the community and volunteers, but she is struggling with these new overwhelming feelings of loneliness. She's anxious about living alone and doesn't feel safe.

Does anyone have any practical tips that could help a widow feel less lonely and more secure in her own home?

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Dear RachK,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your father.  I'm so sorry. I think all your mum's feelings are natural and normal.  I wonder if your mum would consider grief counselling or joining a Grief Share program at church or in the community. For her security, maybe a home alarm system might help her.  Hopefully her friends could come to the house more to see her as well. 

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My deepest condolences to you. Like previous person stated it's only natural and normal. We lost my mother exactly one month ago today. My father has me and my brother who visit him on almost a daily basis and I don't think any amount of company has helped him feel less lonely. It's a terrible loss for them. Keeping busy is what's helped my dad get a break from the grief. He stays active with projects around the house. But of course those quiet moments come at some point everyday and that's when those feelings creep up again. Which is normal. Can't stay busy 24/7. In which case, I tell my dad to give himself permission to have those moments. It's not healthy to avoid those feelings completely.

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Thank you for your responses. I'm sure you are both right, the feelings of extreme loneliness are to be expected. No amount of being there for my Mum and time spent with her will be able to make her feel any less lonely at this stage. The one person she would have leant on the most during the worst time of her life is the one person who is not there. I believe in time that the feelings of loneliness will fade, but that will be a long way off. Thank you again.

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