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I'm starting to forget.


Tookie96

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My dad passed away 7 years ago, I was around 13. And I'm starting to forget. I'm starting to forget what his voice sounded like. What he looked like exactly, his laugh lines I used to remember, the way his rough hands felt holding mine when I needed comfort. I'm starting to forget his boisterous laugh. I'm starting to forget the simple moments. Not the moments, the big ones. I'm starting to forget his personality, like how he would react to certain situations now. I forget what my mom was like around him.. how happy she was. What my little brother was like around him,. The only man in his life he still needs guidance from. I'm starting to forget and all I want to do is keep these memories engrained in my mind forever. I'm starting to forget the pieces of me that were shaped because of him. The sound of him coming home from work. His favorite music, his favorite food. The way he said I love you. 

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Dear Tookie,

I know sometimes the memories are not as clear. I can tell from your what you are saying you loved your dad and you remember him well. If you feel better, I would try recording your memories in a journal, or even record your voice talking about your dad. Or make a memory box. Or video for YouTube. There are lots of ways to preserve your memories. Look at pictures and ask your mom and other family members to contribute their thoughts and memories of your dad for a memory box or video. No matter what, your dad will always be part of your heart and soul.

 

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My Dad died in October and, although his death is still very recent, I also worry that I will forget him. I worry that I'll not remember his reassuring voice when he would give me advice, or how he would make a fist pump when he was excited, or how lovingly he talked about his grandchildren. 

I worry that with time these memories will fade. I tell myself that they can't fade, they shouldn't be allowed to fade, as it is all I have left of him. If I don't have memories of him, I don't have anything - he's gone forever, both physically and in my mind. It's an incredibly destressing thought.

I have photographs of my Dad that I look at everyday, but I don't want these photographs to be the only memories I have of him in ten, twenty years time. I feel that the more I look at them, the more the events from these photograph are imprinted in my mind and the less I can recall other memories. To me it's like I'm caught in a catch 22. I want to look at photos of my Dad, but the more I do the fewer other memories I can recall. 

I think it's important to talk to people who knew our loved ones and share memories. Often others can jog our memories or fill in the gaps. 

 

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