At the age of 7 my dad died.

[Emily_723]

I'm Emily, a 17 year old girl that had lost her dad at the age of 7. I remember all his love, all the good memories or fishing, of holidays, of my parents. When he died I was only 7 and my little brother 4, he doesn't remember our dad, but I do vividly. My dad died of a heart attack and had suffered brain damage. I said my good byes but never had closer, he didn't remember us, he didn't remember his own daughter. Since the age of 7 I've been bullied, in and out of therapy and suffer from depression, anxiety, trust issues and abandonment issues. I can't seem to cope with my dads death, I've never been able to get out of the mind set that I want to die, that I hate myself and I hate the world. Good took my dad from me, I understood that he must have his reasons, but my life, my mentality is going down the drain and I don't know how much longer I can hold on for. So I'm reaching out to maybe make sense of how I'm feeling before it's to late. 

[Niamhjess00]

Hi,

Firstly i am so sorry about the loss of your dad. I also lost my dad and fully understand the pain and the grief that you must be feeling. 

Holding on to the good memories and happy times that you shared with your dad is so, so important. I too turned to blaming God for taking my dad from me. I stopped attending church and stopped praying. I have realised though, that doesn't achieve anything. I am starting to appreciate the time that i got to share with my dad and realise how lucky i was to share such an amazing 16 years with him. You were his little girl and nobody can take that away from you. 

I have suffered a lot of anxiety since my dad died, and depression as well, even turning to self harm to try and cope. But when i finally got help and sought counselling i started to make sense of my thoughts and found that talking about things actually really does help (as cliche as it may sound).

Honestly the best thing you can do, is to firstly, let yourself grieve in your own your way. You have have right to be angry, sad, frustrated, depressed, scared, its totally okay. If you need to cry, shout, scream whatever, you are entitled to do so. By accepting the fact you need help and by reaching out you are very much taking the right steps to progress. I found that once i opened up about how i was feeling i started to feel a little better. Talking to you doctor, or a therapist or counsellor can be really beneficial and they can offer you the right help and support that you need to start coming to terms with what has happened and help you find good coping techniques that work for you.

Best wishes to you and your family. Message me any time if you want to. 

[cindyjane]

Hugs Emily ... I am so sorry that you lost your dad, especially at such a young age.  My heart goes out to you in having to go through this.  Nothing is ever the same when we lose someone we love so much but as hard as it is to believe, I think that somehow we find ways to carry on in life.  When I lost my dad I remembered many things that he taught me and one of them is that we can move on after such a difficult loss.  He taught me that it takes time and to allow ourselves that grieving time.  So when he passed on I kept all of this in my mind and drew on those things every time I was hit with sadness in missing him.  The one thing that he said when my mom passed on that really makes sense to me.  He said, "we never get over such a loss, but we do get on with it."  

The thing that helps me the most when my heart gets heavy is that I know deep down inside that both of my parents would not want me to be emotionally crippled in not having them here anymore so I try to respect that and keep every good memory close to my heart and be the best person that I can be.  I feel so strongly in my heart that both of my parents somehow know all of my accomplishments in life no matter how small and that is what I want them to know so I keep plugging away doing the best that I can.

Take care and know that it is normal to miss your dad and feel sad and will continue t miss him.  You feel that way because of the love you have for him and that love is a gift.

Thanks for sharing about you and your dad.

Cindy Jane

[Chris H]

Hi Emily,

I agree with everything everyone else said already.  I am sorry to hear of your loss and the pain you're going through.  There is just no understanding how we can lose a good person but its understandable how we can be angry at God.  You have to hold onto those good memories.  Know how lucky you were that you had even that short time with your dad.  You got to experience his love and have those memories.  Hold onto them.  When your brother gets older he is going to need you to tell him all about him and what a wonderful person he was.

I urge you to talk to someone.  If you can't talk to someone in your family perhaps a trusted teacher or counselor at school.  You're not alone and you can get help and support for all you're going through.  No one deserves to be bullied.  Please report whoever is bullying you.  You have no reason to hate yourself.  Your dad would have wanted you to grow up into the beautiful and happy person that you are meant to be.

I was 11 when I lost my dad and 15 when I lost my mom.  I know a lot of the hurt you speak of.  I felt so alone, abandoned and different from everyone.  Finally I was made to go to a support group for other young people who lost loved ones.  I think that is what helped me the most.  Suddenly I saw that I wasn't alone and wasn't so different after all.

You have every right to feel all the feelings you feel.  You also deserve to feel better.  Coming here and admitting you need help is an important first step.