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Scott

Any help please?

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Hi 

looking for some help and advice

my story is been with my now wife for ten years we have a fantastic 4 year old son together, our lives were perfect until 2014 when my father in law committed suicide! My wife had the most inseparable bond with her dad which I witnessed for years. Then my wife caught her dad about to commit suicide everything changed. we as a family moved into his home to offer him support and company whilst we were there we had him at the doctors and set up with a local private support group. After a few weeks he spoke with us told us he was in a better place and seemed more settled he gave us money towards our dream honeymoon as a way of thanking us for helping.

few weeks later he committed suicide leaving behind a wife and three kids. I received a call on the Sunday morning and my life completely fell too bits. I had to phone my wife who was away for the weekend and let her know which was the hardest thing I've ever done. His son was in Australia at the time I had to tell him aswel.

After the funeral  my wife went back to the family business instantly she was busy with work, with a 2 year old, planning our wedding and moving home. To cut a very long story short they had a part of their dads business stolen from them from partners that worked with her father. Every day in that work was a horrendous she battled and fought. Didn't want to go to work most mornings. I could see this was damaging her mentally everyday going to a place where her dad was a massive influence and being repeatedly crushed one way or another.

in march 2015 we got married the day was perfect I knew that her father not being there would be massive thing for her but she was so amazingly strong. After the wedding the family managed to get a settlement from the partners and she was free to walk away from the business. She spent 6 months of work being a great mum but not grieving.she returned to work in the social care sector which she enjoys greatly the problems have started the last 3-4 months.

she had become addicted to working, doing all the hours under the sun pushing me and her family away from her. She would no longer talk to me and our relationship took the hit. It's been 4 months or bickering and disagreements only through being shut out and confused, but she says she's been unhappy for years. And is now wants to split up and move on? She has completely changed person recently! She says she doesn't recognise herself anymore and our child is the one and only source of anything happy in her life!

Does anyone have any experience with something similar?  

Is this grief? I feel like I can't help her when she needs help the most.

scott

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Dear Scott,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your father-in-law. I'm very sorry.

I know you love your wife and family very much. And sometimes its hard to know what to do. Your family has been through so much. I wonder if there is a trusted friend or family member who could reach out to your wife on your behalf. Tell her how much you love her and want to make the marriage work. But at the same time recognize she has been through a lot of trauma with the death of her father and the situation with the business. Its a lot of stress for anyone.

Even if your wife will not go with you, maybe seek out counselling on your own. Either through work, school or access any community resources. Or call a distress line.

I did the same thing after the passing of my father. I continued to work and to deny my feelings. Maybe this is what is happening with your wife.

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