Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Tsa

In losing my dad, I lost myself

4 posts in this topic

On Sept 3, 2016, my world changed forever. My dad suffered a cardiac arrest and was without a pulse for a very long time. The paramedics were about to call a time of death but decided to put him in ambulance and keep trying because my brother was so distraught. Long story short, he had been without oxygen for too long and was put on a ventilator. He could look around the room and sometimes squeeze our hands, but we were told he would be in a "vegetative state" forever. The decision was ours to remove the ventilator and end his suffering because he was a person not the offensive vegetable that these so called professionals so coldly referred to him as. After much heartache and lost hope, we decided to set our dad free. He lived for another week and a half without the ventilator and would still look at us with his big beautiful blue eyes. I so wish I knew what he would've said if he could've said anything. He passed peacefully with his hand in mine on September 20, 2016. The worst day after the worst 3 weeks of my life. Now I'm left with intense heartache and guilt that I had to make that decision and the what ifs? What if they were wrong and his eyes were trying to tell us something? I have had to see a Dr for severe anxiety and insomnia because I think about him all the time. I never want to forget him, but I want to remember him healthy and full of life, but my mind keeps taking me back to those 3 heartbreaking weeks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Tsa,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved father. I'm so sorry. I know there is a lot of sorrow and pain during this difficult time. I think its only natural to replay what happened after the passing of a beloved parent. All the what-ifs are so hard. But please know you made the best decision you could with the information you had. You loved your dad and didn't want him to suffer. It was brave and kind of you to set him free. And to be with him holding his hand as he passed. You are a good and kind daughter. Please try to take care of yourself the best you can. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear Tsa , 

I feel so badly for you as I understand those guilty feelings regarding my mother . She had been developing demetia and I cared for her at my home . It's hard when you aren't sure if they are actually aware of what is taking place around them . Since her passing , I have questioned just about everything I have done in providing her care . Was it enough ? Did I make the right decisions? Was she suffering and I didn't see the signs of it ? 

I know it is very hard to see a loved one in a hospital bed too , especially because we are helpless in eliminating their pain and distress . I always hoped my mom would recover enough so I could have her with me longer , but she was so weak . I feel guilty and selfish . What I do know is that sometimes patients "react" to various things and to the observer it is something else . For example , my mom was clinging to the rails of her bed and pulling the sheets . I thought she was trying to get out of the hospital bed , but the hospice nurses said that is a sign of distress . They could tell by the look on her face that she was in pain - but I didn't recognize that . Naturally, I wanted to believe that my mom knew who we were - but she had several strokes and her mental faculties were beyond repair . 

What has helped me cope with the intense sadness of losing my mom is comforting Scriptures. Do you know that the Bible promises that our loved ones can be restored to life on earth in perfect health ? Not only that, but the Bible says that the righteous will live on a cleansed earth . This hope has been a buoy for me during my sad days . If you would care to know which Scriptures I'm talking about , feel free to contact me thru this website . There are no obligations involved . It is just something I do to help others and ease my own pain . 

Best Wishes and Regards to you ! 

Frances

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dear, Tsa

I am so sorry for your loss. I just experienced the same thing with my dad. He went to the hospital after suffering a stroke. He was improving but had an incident in the hospital and stopped breathing. He was without oxygen for over 11 mins and sustained severe right brain damage. He was on a ventilator for almost two weeks. They said he woukd never wake up and if he did he would have no quality of life. We had to make a decsion to take him off the ventilator. Hardest decsion ever and I held his hand to the end. At first, I was numb. Then I was angry with God for allowing it to happen and now I just cry every night. I feel so empty inside. I feel like maybe the doctors were wrong and we should have left him on the machine. I feel quilty and helpless. I know exactly how you feel. I have started to pray again and will be saying a prayer for you as well...that we may find comfort in this terrible time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0