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Missing him hurts by being


Francine

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It's been a little over a month since my heart (my husband) was taken from this world and even though being assured from God that he's OK is a fantastic feeling, I still miss him sooooooo much!   Mornings and evenings are the worst time - my mind is idle (since I retired 2 years ago) and I think about what we'd be doing at this time.  He was my protector and I so miss being his priority. I miss him checking up on me when I didn't feel well. I miss him saying he missed me, and to hurry home from where ever or whatever I was doing.  I miss the ease and the comfort we had together.  I miss being his everything;  I miss him being mine. I miss him being the nucleus, of my life, and I miss saying out loud, and knowing, "I am his wife."  How everything just fit,  and everything just was. I miss not having to question, if he loved me with everything, inside him. I just knew he did and he knew the same; I give praise to God that he knew that when he left his world.   There is a Hell on this earth, and I feel  I'm living it now.  Being his widow, although the saddest, and most Hellish reality, keeps me attached to him forever. I am both your wife and your widow.  I am Ms. Charles R. Stewart

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Francine, I feel your pain, it mirrors my own. My husband and I were entwined together, as you were with your Charles. I saw a quote given on another grief page: I will aspire to be the widow that my husband would be proud of---. When it is my turn to finally reunite with my husband, I want him to be proud of me for continuing on in this life without him. Right now, I don't see how. My heart is with him and I feel empty and lost. I wish I could hear his voice, telling me what to do. Somehow, I must soldier on and wait for that day of reunion.

I like how you validated yourself in your last sentence---it is how I feel also.

Truth be told though, from what is being learned through the grief support I attend, we have to validate ourselves through our own individuality. We are here to be more than a spouse. It is not our only role in this life. We are here to contribute to humanity for life lessons and soul growth. We have a purpose here for other reasons. I honestly thought my purpose was to be a loving, supportive wife for many more years. God has a plan for me yet. That alone does not lessen my pain and I will grieve the loss of my beloved husband forever.

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I have a rubber stamp that my husband and I  both love/d, it says "I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you."  On my other site, a couple of people posted today that they aspired to be the man their wife thought them to be.  

I think this kind of sums up our identity...we are individuals, but we were also part of them and they with us.  It's a mystery to me how two become one, yet we were.  How then does 1/2 go on living?  We do as ourselves, like we always did.  We know their love continues, nothing has changed that, and we proceed on faith, basking in that same continued love.

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KMB and KayC

Thank you both for the words of encouragement.  I am so glad my daughter suggested I check out this website and when I did, I joined.  I thank God for the all who have shared part of their life.  It's encouraging to know that we are not alone.  God Bless

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5 minutes ago, KayC said:

 

I think this kind of sums up our identity...we are individuals, but we were also part of them and they with us.  It's a mystery to me how two become one, yet we were.  How then does 1/2 go on living?

How does half go on living?  Exactly. I feel my soul is gone away with him. And now I am just dragging this body from place to place. 

How does one live like this? 

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It starts one day at a time, by continuing your existence, eating meals, going for walks, taking care of yourself.  You cry.  Thoughts of him bring pain.  But then one day you think of him and it brings a smile and comfort.  That's when you know you've finally turned a corner.  Little by little you adjust, in such small ways as to not notice it until you look back and see the changes and how far you've come.  Expressing yourself helps, journalling, grief counseling, talking to others who have been through it.  Some go to grief groups, some don't, they vary a lot and are not all the same.  I did art therapy to express how I felt and where I wanted to be.  Little steps to get there, little by little.

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Sadaf

Good question?  Funny, I raised the same question.   How does half go on living - "One year at a time", "One month at a time", "One day at a time", "One second at a time".  Knowing what you and your loved one shared will always be - no one and nothing can take that away.  Knowing that someday, you'll be reunited with that person and the half person (you are experiencing) will be made whole again..   God is spirit and sent his only son Jesus to live an earthly experience.  I believe we too are spiritual beings living an earthly experience and when our time on this earthly realm is over, our soul returns to the spirit - where we originate from. When your earthly experience is completed, your spirit will be reunited with your loved one's spirit, and the both of you will be with each other in eternity.   

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Sadaf

Good question?  Funny, I raised the same question.   How does half go on living - "One year at a time", "One month at a time", "One day at a time", "One second at a time".  Knowing what you and your loved one shared will always be - no one and nothing can take that away.  Knowing that someday, you'll be reunited with that person and the half person (you are experiencing) will be made whole again..   God is spirit and sent his only son Jesus to live an earthly experience.  I believe we too are spiritual beings living an earthly experience and when our time on this earthly realm is over, our soul returns to the spirit - where we originate from. When your earthly experience is completed, your spirit will be reunited with your loved one's spirit, and the both of you will be with each other in eternity.   

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Even if one is of a different belief, most do believe in life after death, even if we don't know all the particulars, we agree it is peaceful and lacks the struggles we're familiar with here.  There is no way we could NOT be together again!  I'm not one to believe in fate much, I believe our life is a medley of happenstance and choices, and yet I do believe George and I were brought together by fate...it was too outlandish and amazing that we met like we did and were so perfect together.  That same fate will not deny us again.

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Very well said kayC. I believe this too. I don't think we met just by accident. The way we met and fell for each other from the first time our eyes met.. How we sticked together all these years. We felt something that is so rare for people for our age. And that could not just be by accident. 

We WILL be together again. Our story could not end like this. We will get to hold each other again. We will get married. We will have kids. We will grow old together, just like we grew up together. And most importantly, I will get to tell him again how much I love him. 

God will bring us together again. 

 

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Sadaf, Just keep praying. God hears us. I believe that in our next life that we will be reunited with our loved ones. You can tell your soul mate now that you love him. He hears you as well. I tell my husband many times throughout the day that I love him. I have to believe he hears me. Our love did not die just because the physical body did. His soul is in Heaven waiting for our reunion.

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