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Tibbits2u

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 My mother died on December 26th, 2016. She was only 66 years old, She died of COPD. We weren't really close, she was a difficult woman. Whenever we were together we would fight, Its been that way since I was a child. I did love her though and she did love me in her own way. The last words she ever said to me in person was "get out" I did talk with her on the phone one time a few months before she died, she was kind of out of it . she told me she didn't blame me for "disappearing" after everything that happened between us.

 I still stayed away after that worried that I would upset her. when she was more in her right mind she tried to contact me but the one person who had my phone number gave her the wrong number on purpose. so for over a year she tried but I never got her message. I don't really have a social media presence so I guess I am kind of hard to find. our relationship was always off and on though. it was normal for us to go years without speaking. its so sad, such a waste of time. truth be told we were both sort of petty and very stubborn.

the family members who looked out for her were cruel to her in her last days. they were penny pinching (with her money)  they wouldn't pay for necessary medical stuff to keep her comfortable ,they cut off her cable tv, and even her last wishes in regard's to her burial weren't respected. to add insult to injury not 2 hours after she was buried they were over at her farm taking stuff, trying to at least. I stopped them in their tracks, when I called the cops on them ! I am now fighting with those ghouls over her estate. its not about the money or even the property. its about her wishes, she wouldn't have wanted them to see one red cent ! she wanted her place turned into an animal shelter for large animals (horses, goats, ect) and I intend on fallowing through with her wishes. its kind of my way to make amends.

 I try to remember what little good times we had but for every good one ten bag ones come flooding back as well. I love her and I hate her. I keep having the same reoccurring nightmare every single night. I dream that I am standing by her grave and for some reason I am overcome with a strange clusterphobic feeling and then I envision her buried alive, stuck 6 feet underground in her casket. then I wake up. I haven't slept in a week and time seems to have slowed to a crawl.

 do any of you guys suffered from reoccurring nightmares as well? how do you deal with mourning someone you've had a rocky relationship with? I noticed there seems to be very few books written about this kinda stuff.  I feel so overwhelmed and tired both emotionally and physically. she is really all I can think about these days.

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Dear Tibbits,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your mother. I'm so sorry. Its a terrible shock to lose your mother. I think its only natural to have nightmares. There is so much going on in our minds during this difficult time. So much we are trying to make sense of that just doesn't make sense. Even though you had a rocky relationship with your mother, she was still your mother and you loved her and she loved you. I wish all our relationships with our parents could be perfect but like everything else in life nothing ever is. All we can do is try to surround ourselves with caring friends and family. Allow ourselves to grieve. I also found this website What's Your Grief very helpful. Lots of good articles. I know its not an easy time. Thinking of you. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

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Dear YoWooYa,

I'm so glad you found this site helpful. I'm still struggling and I look every day for something to help me understand and accept he passing of my father. I also try to visit Tiny Buddha for some understanding.

 

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