Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Existing not Living


Francine

Recommended Posts

  • Members

The worst day of my life is when my husband made his transition on Tuesday, December 6, 2016.  I've lost other family members in the past but my husband was always there to lift me up - he was my strength, my protector, my soul mate.   We were so very happy and so much in love after nearly 45 years of marriage.   I feel as though this is a dream and I can't wake up - no matter how hard I try and I so desperately want to wake up from this nightmare - I want to tell my husband about it.  That's how we were - we told each other everything and talked about anything - no matter what the subject was.  We did everything together - he retired in 2000 and I retired in 2014.  We had so much planned and was looking forward to our future together.  He was and still is my best friend, my love, the father of my children - my everything.  He had some health  issues but nothing that we could imagine would take him from this earth.  I am so lonely without him even though I have my children, grandchildren and other family members around.  My heart has been literally ripped from my chest and a gaping hole is in its place.  Now, I merely exist - I don't feel alive anymore (sort of like a zombie).     People say in time, things will change - and you thank them for their kind words but deep down inside - you don't really think so.  Everyday is a struggle and I don't see a future for myself - not without him.  He was my past, present and future and I don't know how I will go on.  I am so empty.   How can one exist being only half a person?  One redeeming virtue is that we always told one another how much we loved each other - I thank God he knew I loved him more than everything.   I hurt and pain and I don't know what to do to ease this pain.  If only I knew he's OK - his spirit is OK -  then maybe I can be OK - that is until we meet again.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It does change in time, but the love and pain don't go away, you just learn how to deal with them.  You learn to be that half person.  However unless someone else has lost their partner, no one else really understands the heartache.  They think of it like a pet that has passed or a grandparent or even another close person.  None are the same.  Not that the others are easy, they aren't, but they aren't the same as losing the love of your life and best friend.  

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is the worst feeling of being the one left behind to pick up the pieces and try and exist without your love.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Francine, Your husband is OK. He's in Heaven, which is in a different dimension interwoven with earth. It is a beautiful place filled with peace and love. He is watching over you and walking with you, always there for you. Just talk to him and know that he is listening and sending you love and comfort. I am sorry for your loss. These first sentences are what helps me with my loss of my own husband. I miss him every second. This is the most horrendous ordeal I have been trying to deal with in my whole life. As I'm sure it is for you.

Yes, we are just existing for now. I've been told that we will survive and learn to carry the pain and heartache with us in an easier way. Don't think about the future, it is too overwhelming. Just get through the day, one breath at a time. It will be enough. We love our husband's with everything we have in us and God knows of this love also. And we will be reunited when it is our turn. Hugs to you, Francine.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
18 hours ago, Francine said:

 I feel as though this is a dream and I can't wake up - no matter how hard I try and I so desperately want to wake up from this nightmare

This is how we all feel in the early days of grief.  It's such a shock, it's hard to believe, hard to take in.
 

 

18 hours ago, Francine said:

Now, I merely exist - I don't feel alive anymore

This too is how we all feel in the early days.
 

 

18 hours ago, Francine said:

Everyday is a struggle and I don't see a future for myself

It is a struggle.  It's only been one month for you, it can take years to adjust and rebuild our lives, more time and effort than I can say.  But we do it.  One moment at a time.  It won't ever be the same again, you're right about that, and when you're facing this uncertain future you can't see how it can be...but you do it.  We have no choice.  You will make it through this even though you'll doubt it, rail against it, and no answers seem forthcoming.  You have hope because you know you'll be together again, and that alone keeps us going.  (((hugs)))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.