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Loss of my best friend

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I am new to this, and seeking any advice anybody has to offer really. I know this is an odd one, as my loss isn't a spouse, a partner or family member. But my best friend.

My best friend Rob, passed away 3 weeks ago today, due to a motorcycle accident. Someones careless driving ran him straight off the road and killed him instantly. The one thing I can't comprehend is I was with him ten minutes before this happened. I thought it was strange as to why he didn't text me when he was home like he usually would, obviously I now know why. This is the first person I have actually ever lost, I suppose I have been quite fortunate in that sense. I just wanted to express myself on here as I feel as if I can't talk about it to anyone, outsources. Every time I bring it up, people change the conversation or I have had comments in small words "get over it" especially whilst being at work. I know death is a raw subject, and there isn't much someone can say to make someone feel better, or lighten the situation. I also am aware it can make people feel uncomfortable, just because there isn't anything to say nor do. But it's making me feel as if I am breaking some unspoken law when I talk about Rob. I have been having all sorts of thoughts bashing around my head, I am more hateful of myself and angry at myself for not being able to adjust the situation. The night he passed away, he was actually at home and i begged him to come see me due to me having an "off" day as such, and I just keep thinking if i didn't nag him so much this situation wouldn't even exist. Or if I just kept him with me for that extra ten minutes, that twat on the road would of passed and they wouldn't of even crossed paths. 

I keep messaging him, calling him but i don't actually know what the heck im expecting. I think I am genuinely losing my marbles! 

I keep finding myself getting sudden outbursts of anger, rage that boils up inside me and i just want to smack something,or scream until my lungs run out of every possible inch of air. I can't concentrate at work, I am almost non-functional. I go from feeling nothing, completely numb, to feeling everything in a very very short space of time. I just don't actually know what to do with myself? I sometimes think am I actually really going through the emotions properly? It's all just a blur. My heart aches continuously, I feel selfish for every breath i am taking for which he isn't. I apologise for being so morbid, just thought coming to this forum will make me feel comfortable as I understand that everyone on here are feeling the pain of a loss as much as the next. I don't really know what advice I am actually looking for, perhaps comfort in the sense that this isn't my life now, this pain, this numbness this complete feeling of despair. 


Thank you x

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I am so very sorry about the loss of your best friend. Of course you are reeling from the shock and horror of it all. You may be experiencing all kinds of things--anger, rage, fear, intense sadness, anxiety, panic, loneliness, etc. It's all so normal, unfortunately. Many people experience extreme guilt for being alive while their loved one (and yes, that includes best friends) is dead. It's so confusing and tough. 

For now, just let yourself feel. Cry if you need to. Take it a little at a time. Just get through each day. Try to talk to others about how you feel. Can you talk to Rob's family? Were you close? Do you have anyone to talk to? 

We will be here for you,


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