Members Lynx563 Posted January 2, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2017 For the past 10 years my father and I worked for the same company, we worked side by side everyday. I was his right hand man. On Dec. 22 we were at work like any other day. We were getting ready to shut the shop down for the upcoming week due to the holiday season. A good friend of my dads came to have lunch with him, I decided to stay and have lunch at the shop. About 2 hours went by when the receptionist came to get and tell me my mother was on the phone. She told me my dad was at lunch and started to complain of abdominal pain and he was on his way to the hospital via ambulance. I immediately left for the hospital. By the time I got there, about 30 minutes later they put me in a little room and had a social worker and a doctor come in and tell me my father had a abdominal aueortic aneurism. He didn't make it. I completely lost it. I couldn't even comprehend what they were saying. After a little while my brother, sister, and mother got there and I had to go through it all again. My mom and dad met when they were 16, married at 19 & 20 and spent 37 years as a happily married couple. My whole family is absolutely devastated. My father was in good health, he regularly went to the doctor and exercised. No heart issues in our family or anything. The loss is so devastating. Now I have to go back to work and try to continue on. I'm absolutely broken inside and I don't know how to deal with it. I have been in touch with my doctor and I'm seeking professional help. It's just so hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted January 2, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2017 Dear Lynx563, My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your cherished father. I'm so sorry for all the pain and sorrow. For the first few months after a huge loss, I think the shock is still too much. Losing my father has been the worst moment of my life. I'm glad you are getting all the support you need during this difficult time. You are not alone. We are all here to support you. Thinking of you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Whit B Posted January 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 Dear Lynx563, It is hard. You have my condolences. I can relate. I've never written in a forum like this but I had to get things out too. I lost my mom unexpectedly on November 21st, and I can't hold the pain in. It's too much, it's my mom. It is devastating. My mom had been briefly ill and recently (about 2 weeks prior) had been diagnosed with cancer. The doctors were hopeful. We had no idea this would happen. The morning of, my mom was very weak and my dad and I thought my mom was dehydrated so we decided to take my mom to the ER for fluids when she had a cardiac episode. It was so surreal. I couldn't comprehend it. The ER doctors said it was because of the cancer. But it makes no sense. My mom's heart had been healthy and prior to the recent illness she was so energetic and full of life. It's hard for me to process, much less accept. I can relate to what you are saying. My mom is my best friend. I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. It feels like a nightmare. I went back to work to get into a routine but it's hard to focus because I'm so hurt. I cry a lot. The pain is real and unlike anything I've ever experienced. And the world has gone on while I've been stuck on November 21st. The best advice I've gotten is to take one day at a time. And be easy on yourself. For me, sometimes it's been one moment at a time. I can say I'm more functional than day 1, but sometimes I crawl my way through it. I miss my mom so much. You're doing the right thing by expressing your feelings and seeking help. It's really hard. I can relate and many here can. Take care of yourself and take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missing Jack Posted January 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 Dear Lynx, I was at least very fortunate to have had some time to say a few meaningful things to my dad, just before he died. What has happened to you and to your family, sucks really, really bad. There just is no other way I can think to say it. You were not given the opportunity that I was given. To have worked with your father so closely, every day, I cannot begin to claim to understand the horrendous shock of your unexpected loss, at a time that was suppose to be filled with so much joy. You, your mom, your family, hit like a bolt of lightening from the sky, at this time of year - completely unknown and unexpected. Sometimes Lynx, there are just no words. So difficult to go back to a place that you both worked, with everything so raw and fresh in your mind, and then attempt to "function." I know of course that you need to do that, but I also know, the feeling that one is living on an entirely new planet and unreal world. I know too, what it is like to physically function, yet feel dead on the inside. And also the sense that nobody in our walk about world can know or relate. No body. Glad you are reaching out to others and seeking help. It is an extremely tough burden that you carry now, and will be carrying for some time to come. There are some really great people here, who are extremely supportive. May you find strength, wisdom and courage, that surpasses all human understanding. Whenever you can, I would really like to hear more about your dad. Was he a golfer? What did he enjoy? My dad was an avid sail boater, on a boat that he had built. God Bless You, and Family, Kindest Regards, Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lynx563 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 Thank you so much for the responses. I am back at work today and it is so much harder than I ever could have prepared for. I miss him so much, I feel like all I want to do is cry. I try to keep busy but everything here reminds me of him. I'm thinking I might have to look for a different job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted January 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 Lynx563---You and your family have my heart felt condolences. Such a shock for you all to be going through, especially during the holiday time. May you find comfort with your supporting family and friends. There are no adequate words to ease your pain. I hope you find this forum as a comforting place for you to express your feelings and thoughts. This forum and all the kind, compassionate people here, have been my only outlet for seeking comfort for myself. Peace, prayers to you and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Whit B Posted January 4, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 Dear Lynx563, This is very recent and it's all new. Grief is powerful and painful I'm finding out. Take care of yourself right now. I didn't work with my mom, so it may be different, but even at work for me so much reminds me of my mom. For the first couple of weeks back at work, I was like a zombie. There, but not there. I was surprised I was functioning, much less back at work so that in and of itself was my big accomplishment. As you can, keep expressing your emotions and keep functioning as best you can. You have suffered a huge loss and this will take time to navigate. I can relate. Be good to yourself and give yourself a break. One thing someone said to me when I was a mess at work is that I was doing the best I could after such a major loss. It really helped me. It was true for me and it's true for you. Let's keep putting one foot in front of the other until it becomes natural again. Take good care. Be easy on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lynx563 Posted January 5, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Your responses definitely do help, thank you so much. I still have this knot in my stomach that I wish would go away. It's my 3rd day back to work and I constantly feel like I'm fighting the urge to cry. I just feel so sad all the time. I miss my dad so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted January 5, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2017 Lynx563---everything you are experiencing is normal, including the knot in your stomach. It takes time, but it does get a little easier. Loss of a loved one is a shock to our mind and bodies. You are always going to miss your dad ,but we find ways to carry that loss as best we can. Cry if you have to. Take a break and find a private spot and cry. The release is what your body needs. Take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Posted January 7, 2017 Guests Report Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm so sorry Lynx563, I lost my dad suddenly on Dec. 30th, but he was 94 and judging from your post I have to think yours was much younger. It's tough when it's sudden though, no matter what the age and I do have a clue as to how you are feeling right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ribbonfest Posted January 8, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Hi Lynx563, Chiming in here to support you also. My dad died suddenly in May from a brain injury. Nothing to say to you that will help, just that I can totally relate to what you're saying and you aren't alone. Huge waves of grief will come, you will get through them, they will pass, they will come again. I just had a huge wave hit me tonight and I sobbed my brains out missing my dad and worrying that he didn't know I loved him. One thing I can tell you is that the waves come further and further apart. They are no less painful when they come, but they become less frequent as time goes on. I'm so very, very sorry for your sudden loss. Peace to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ribbonfest Posted January 8, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 Thought I'd add this about the waves: http://www.littlethings.com/grieving-advice-old-man/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Posted January 8, 2017 Guests Report Share Posted January 8, 2017 1 hour ago, Ribbonfest said: Thought I'd add this about the waves: http://www.littlethings.com/grieving-advice-old-man/ This is wonderful and so true. Only been 8 days since my dad passed and I can be great for long periods of time and then I'll either think about things too much or hear about something sad either on TV or online and then I'm balling my eyes out again. But since I've already gone through this process with the death of my mom 11 and half years ago, I know that as the days, weeks and months ahead go by, those moments will get further apart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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