Mother died healthy and unexpected

[ELiz]

I think the death of a parent is a terrible loss no matter the circumstances. I knew when the day came I could never be prepared for it whether it'd be due to aging or due to being ill. But to be blindedsided I feel adds to the pain. I last spoke to my mother the 19th of this month. We talked on the phone that night for a while, made plans for Christmas weekend and said our good nights. She was very much healthy and full of life. The following morning on the 20th I woke up to calls stating she didn't wake up that morning from her sleep. She was gone. How does someone go to sleep healthy as can be and just not wake up?! Like stated before when the day came to pass it was going to be hard. But I expected her to pass from being old and/or ill with the exception of things we don't plan in life i.e. Car accidents ... natural disasters etc.... but not like this. How do I make sense of something that can't be made sense of? 

 

Needless to say Christmas and New Years holidays have been ruined for me. I think to myself that no matter what happy event happens in my future it will always have a cloud over it bc my heart will always have a hole in it. I'm only 31 years old with God willing many years ahead of me without her. She won't be there to see my kids grow up. She won't be there for holidays or my kids birthdays. Everyone tells you she will always be here in spirit and in my heart. Blah blah I don't care. I want her here physically. How will I ever get to enjoy the happy moments in my life without always in my heart feeling that void? Without her there physically next to me to enjoy them with... how do I explain this to my heart when my healthy mother who was still young just passed away in her sleep without any warning...

[Whit B]

Dear ELiz, 

I can relate. My mom was always so healthy, vibrant and energetic. She passed away unexpectedly on November 21st.  She was briefly ill but we had no idea of the extent and never expected this. The doctors were hopeful. So were we.  I was so stunned. I still am. I've had the wind completely knocked out of me. It's surreal.  I still have no understanding of what happened or what I am to do now without my dearest friend.  

It's difficult for me to wrap my mind around, to understand, or process this. My mom is my best friend. We were either together or talking on the phone all the time. I miss her so much that it hurts. I really miss my Mom's physical presence too and I don't know how to get beyond that.  I'm comforted that my mom and I knew how much we meant to each other. But it doesn't stop me from desperately wanting her to be here with me.  It really hurts. I thought we had 20 or 30 more years. I understand. 

Let's take one day at a time, one moment at a time.   

[Guest]

Eliz I'm so sorry for the sudden loss of your mom. I can relate in some ways as my dad died suddenly on Dec. 30th which happened to be my birthday.  We shared a two-family home and at 10:30 PM on the 29th I went downstairs to say goodnight to him, before I left his bedroom he wished me a Happy Birthday and I said "don't rush it, it's not until tomorrow". Glad now that he did say it or I'd never gotten to hear those words, because by the time I went down the next morning, he was dead on the floor.   But at least in my case, I'm 53 and he was 94, so I've kind of been expecting it for a # of years now (especially after some previous health scares in the last decade). But you are young and your mom obviously was a fairly young woman too, so that part I can't even begin to relate to and all I can say is I will pray that time will help heal some of the pain you feel right now. 

[YoWooYa]

Hey, ELiz.

I really identify with what you said.  I'm 36, and just lost my Mama.  I had just visited her 2 weeks prior to her death, and was in the process of buying tickets home for Thanksgiving when I hadn't heard from her in 24 hours (which was really unusual).  I called the neighbors to look in on her, figuring she was just tired or something.  It turned out she passed in her sleep with zero warning. 

I too hate that she'll never hold her first grandchild.  She died 2 days before we found out that the baby I'm carrying is a boy.  It also really gets me that I don't get a proper 'goodbye.'  Our last contact revolved around some gelatin I bought her.  I desperately wish I could've known those conversations would be our last so I could tell her how much I love her.  How sorry I am for the stupid things I did over the years. 

I'm not sure if there's a meaning in it all.  Just moving forward because that's what she'd want for you.  Many hugs to you in your journey.