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I'm so depressed, I miss my Cali Girl


Patchesmom4ever

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I just lost my baby girl of 1 years and 2 months old on Tuesday, January 12, 2010. She was an Engligh Bulldog and full of life. We called her our little terror. We had two Engligh Bulldogs and she was one of them, our male was more calm and relaxed. Cali was a ball of fun. To make the situation worse, I am pregnant and expecting a baby girl soon, I'm 7 months along. I can't help but to blame myself for her death and I'm beyond sad, more border line of depressed.

She was coughing a while ago, but we thought it would go away like it usually does. With her cough being present for over 2 weeks, we set up a doctor's appointment and we took her to see the vet last Tuesday. He said she has pneumonia and a high fever. So he prescribed a bunch of medications and told us to feed her real human baby food because she was not eating. He mentioned that it should go away and she should feel better in 3-5 days, and if not then to give him a call. The 5th day landed on the weekend, his office wasn't open. She didn't feel better, we felt like she was almost getting worse. So Monday came and I went home early from work, she seemed to be doing fine and getting some of her energy back. She still had a temperature so we gave her a shower. After the shower her temperature went all the way back down to normal, we didn't think we still had to call the doctor. Tuesday morning rolls around and I fed her the baby food and medications, just like our usual routine for the past week. As I was trying to give her the meds she threw up all of her food, and I took her temperature and it jumped to 105. I knew something was wrong so I decided to call the vet on my way to work since they didn't open till 9am anyway. I left my house at 8:30, and got to work and called the vet. They told me to bring her in so they can monitor her right away. I work probably 30-40 minutes away from home, so I left work and rushed home to take her to the hospital. I open the door and there was my little girl lying right in front of the door, her body limp and not breathing.

I screamed my head off and begged for her to wake up. I quickly picked her up and rushed to the nearest pet hospital which was 5-10 minutes away from my house. I almost died driving like a maniac but at the moment I didn't care. I took her out of the car and ran inside the hospital screaming for help. I surprisingly didn't cry the entire time because I was in so much shock and knew I needed to keep it together so we can get to the hospital. The vet took her out of my arms right away and that's when my heart sank into my stomach, and I was crying hysterically. The assistance noticed I was pregnant so they tried to calm me down, nothing helped. About 5 minutes later, the vet came in and pronounced her dead. They said they her insides were enflammed and swollen, and her pallet dipped so low that it got stuck in her breathing tube and it caused her to not get any oxygen. I asked how long as it been since she died, and she mentioned it was only a matter of minutes because her body is still warm. I was only a couple minutes too late.

It's been three days since she passed and I cry all day and night. I can't stop thinking that it is my fault why she died. When I saw her temperature of 105 I should have rushed her to the hospital right away. My poor baby was so weak she couldn't fight anymore and gave up. My fiance got her as a Valentines present for me, and she was the best gift ever. She didn't deserve to die like this. I should have taken care of her better and maybe she wouldn't have gotten pneumonia. I should have taken her to the vet on Monday even though it looked like she was feeling better, just so she can get checked. I cry day and night. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I don't want to be alone, and when I look at our other Bulldog, I cry for his pain of being alone now. She was so young and deserved so much more. She had a full life ahead of her and I'm so mad and sad that she was taken away from us too soon. The saddest part is that I'm due to give birth in 2 more months and I'm no longer happy about it.

I've gone through so much and losing Cali just topped it all off, I can't take anymore pain and heartache. I've lost multiple pregnancies (over 3 due to miscarriages), two years ago I was pregnant and developed preeclampsia and had to deliver my son at 22 weeks. He lived to be a month and he passed away. I thought that was the hardest thing I would ever have to go through, and then loosing Cali is just beyond pain. I've gone through too much in the past 4 years and I can't take it anymore. I know I need to see someone, maybe a counselor or a grief support group, but I know this hurting feeling is not going to go away. I miss Cali so much and just want to hold her. I want to say I'm sorry but no matter how much I say it, it's never going to be enough. I want her back in my arms and to pet her a couple more times. I should have been there for her and I'm so sad that she had to die alone. I can't get the images out of my head and I can't help but to feel that is is my fault why she is not here today. My heart is heavy and it hurts so bad. I miss my Cali baby so much!!!

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

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If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

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Patchesmom4ever

I'm so sorry for your loss....try not to be so hard on yourself. its hard sometimes with animals, they are so happy and playful, even when they don't feel well. Your baby needs you to be strong for her. I hope you are well, and I hope your baby is healthy and strong. Did they tell you why Cali was so sick?

Sending you sympathy and strength.

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