Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

How do I go on without my baby


Blake's mom

Recommended Posts

  • Members

My 3 year old son passed away on Dec. 22, 2016. He had severe asthma and was admitted to the hospital on Dec. 18 for bacterial pneumonia. On Dec. 20 he almost coded they called for a rapid response team. I remember I started to run to the nurses station while my husband stayed with our son and right as I was starting to say something they called for a rapid response team. 

Shortly after that they rushed him downstairs to the picu and they said we need you to sign this or we are going to lose him. I immediately burst into tears and my husband signed it and they ushered us out, I yelled fight baby and fell into my husbands arms. It took them about 15 minutes to get him stable and he was put in a medical induced coma. 

Blake's 3 year old body was just to weak to fight and he passed away at 1:43 pm on Dec. 22. I miss him and my husband misses him. I have his toy truck in my bedroom that Santa was going to bring him on Christmas morning that he had been bugging us for forever. I have clothes wrapped up under the tree that I can't bear to unwrap because he is supposed to open them. I don't know what to do with them they were meant for my son. I have his 16 inch spider-man bike that Santa was also going to bring him on Christmas. There are other toys sitting under my tree waiting for him to unwrap. My poor husband was looking forward to putting together the bike and seeing our sons face. 

I miss my baby does it ever get better. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hello Blakes Mom,

 

Im so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine how hard that can be. For i dont really know why things like this happen, but surely there is a bigger reason for why they do. 

I know this post is a bit late, and I hope you do find your way back to this forum. Perhaps donate the gifts to someone in need, leave them wrapped. Let it bring some positivity to you and your husband and family during this time.  

This wont be easy, but you will get through it day by day. I hope the best for you, please try to keep positive in such a hard time try to find the light. 

 

Much Love

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Blakesmom I am so sorry I hope you are ok. It is such a dreadful time such shock and disbelief and anger and confusion we have all been there. take time before making decisions there is no rush, you need to make arrangements first. It is really true that you make it through a minute at a time just do that. Accept love and help and try to talk if you can but if you cant and just need to hide away in bed that is ok too as long as you can engage with people and dont do it for too long. You do not have to make decisions about your son's presents yet but I agree donating them to a worthy cause is a good idea perhaps keeping a special one for yourself. I am in my second year of loss and I decided to make a donation in my son Tommy's name every Xmas to a homeless shelter with the money i would have spent on him as it benefits others and I know he would appreciate the gesture. Take care of yourself and your family. Do you have other children?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 1/4/2017 at 0:22 AM, codeman1031 said:

Hello Blakes Mom,

 

Im so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine how hard that can be. For i dont really know why things like this happen, but surely there is a bigger reason for why they do. 

I know this post is a bit late, and I hope you do find your way back to this forum. Perhaps donate the gifts to someone in need, leave them wrapped. Let it bring some positivity to you and your husband and family during this time.  

This wont be easy, but you will get through it day by day. I hope the best for you, please try to keep positive in such a hard time try to find the light. 

 

Much Love

Thank you very much codeman 1031. I donated them to a homeless shelter up here. I cried dropping them off. I kept his truck I couldn't part with it I think I am going to lay it on his grave after we get his tombstone. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
21 hours ago, Tommy's mum said:

Hi Blakesmom I am so sorry I hope you are ok. It is such a dreadful time such shock and disbelief and anger and confusion we have all been there. take time before making decisions there is no rush, you need to make arrangements first. It is really true that you make it through a minute at a time just do that. Accept love and help and try to talk if you can but if you cant and just need to hide away in bed that is ok too as long as you can engage with people and dont do it for too long. You do not have to make decisions about your son's presents yet but I agree donating them to a worthy cause is a good idea perhaps keeping a special one for yourself. I am in my second year of loss and I decided to make a donation in my son Tommy's name every Xmas to a homeless shelter with the money i would have spent on him as it benefits others and I know he would appreciate the gesture. Take care of yourself and your family. Do you have other children?

Thank you so much Tommy's Mum. I am doing ok I am hanging in there. I donated the toys to a homeless shelter up here we cried dropping them off. I did keep his toy truck I am hoping I can lay it on his gravesite after we get his tombstone. I do have other kids we have a 12 year old and a 8 year old. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Blakesmom glad you are ok just expect the unexpected one day you do ok kinda on automatic then suddenly you find yourself in a total tornado of grief and unable to function hardly even able to catch a breath because of the sobs, other times just numb not caring about anything. All of that is your new kind of normal sorry to say but it will get better. In one way I am glad you have other children because you have to carry on for them but in another way its harder because you spend so much energy putting on a brave face and reigning in your own emotions. Also you carry the irrational fear that something will happen to them too although you know its unreal its just your mother hen instinct kicking in wanting to keep your other chicks close by and safe. just dont be afraid to let go and find a space where you can scream and rage outloud because holding it all in and being brave is actually harmful to your healing. I went upto the moorlands totally private just me and some wild ponies and sheep and the wind and I screamed and cried until my throat was raw but my heart felt a little better and my chest was looser and I was able to breathe better. I got my antidepressants increased  that helped for a while. The insomnia was hard to deal with my mind just raced overtime with images and thoughts it is a form of post traumatic stress and hits most of us. Although it is horrific just replaying memories over and over again like a loop it is actually a sign that your brain is trying to make sense of it all and by actively participating in those dark thoughts you can gradually break them down into tiny chunks that are manageable. This is the process where you eventually make peace with losing your child (it takes weeks months and years mind you) and able to step back and acknowledge the better parts. I know you are probably yelling at the computer screaming "Is she crazy how can there be better parts??"" What I  mean is you are so lucky to have been there for Blake and been able to cuddle him, stroke his hair, comfort and reassure him, tell him you love him etc and to have been able to be with him when he passed and said goodbye. My son was killed over in Hawaii. We had not seen him for 4 years because of the expense of flights. My Tommy was conscious for a little while after falling so far despite terrible injuries then he lost consciousness and arrested in the ambulance. He did not know how hard the ER doctors worked to save him and failed. So I never got the chance to see him alive or hug his warm body or speak words that he could hear. I saw Tommy in the funeral home before the funeral twice to say all I wanted to say and kiss him and stroke his hair and tell him how proud of what he did and that I would always love him. So my part of the grief journey now is to talk with him and make sense of what happened and try to be a better mum to my remaining 3 adult kids and let me tell you I failed them after Tommy died because I was a total wreck. we all have different stories of how our children passed and at what age and each is unique and equally agonising but you are not alone. Here on this forum you can post your true feelings and thoughts and feel understood supported and heard. There are no stupid questions just possible answers and advice that may or may not feel right for you. Sometimes just reading other posts helps tp put perspective on things. Take care

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.