Father died today

[Frankkat]

I will give some background first. Growing up my father was a alcoholic. He worked for the railroad and was normally gone for months on end. When he was home he would beat the **** out of us. At about age 6 he left and got remarried and was kept away via a retraining order from my mother. Which resulted in my mother, brothers and me being homeless for about 3 year. 

We reconnected after about 20 years. When first reconnecting I wanted to beat the hell out of him for the abuse and his absentee from my childhood and he knew that. He told me that he had one good one left in him but I knew he was no match for me. He did apologize and we moved on from that. We hung out from time to time and he met my children.

The last time I saw him was about a year ago. I have been going through hell with immigration and the nvc trying to get my wife here. She is in vietnam and will be here shortly. My father is what his wife and my mother call a stubborn mule. 

So here comes the fun part. He wanted his body donated for science. His wife looked into this and the medical research facility would not take his body cause he was overweight. He told his wife if they would not take his body to cremate him and not to have a funeral service. He died from stage 4 cancer and kept this from me. 

I personally feel that he should have a funeral and a burial. I also feel that is also me being greedy. I have thought about this all day and feel if he wanted the cremation he can have that but there should be a funeral service where we the family member can grive and pay our last respects. This will be discussed tomorrow with family member and I will be his only child out of 5 attending. My brothers and sisters never forgave him for our childhood. Am I wrong to want a funeral service? I am truly torn and feel that we should respect his last wishes but at the same time the family members should be allowed to have a small service for us. I will pleade my case tomorrow. Can someone please give me advice?

[KMB]

So sorry for your loss. You suffered a crappy childhood, along with your family, but you still managed some kind of a relationship with your father. This life is all about love and forgiveness. Your father was a human being ( flawed, as we all are in some means). He deserves a funeral. I feel that since he is in Heaven, that he is forgiven there. He has to forgive himself. I feel that he is sorry for what he did or did not do on earth and loves his family.Prayers to you and yours.