Am I supposed to feel this way after losing my cat?

[Lisadoo]

In November this year I my cat who I had owned for almost ten years died. He was ten years old and showed no sign of illness so it came as a quite a shock when I found him dead in the garden. I handled it way different than I thought I would. The first few days were hard, I cried a lot and his death hadn't sunk it yet. But after that I felt like normal and it didn't feel as hard. My issue is that when I think about him, it's as if he was never real. I remember him clearly, I just don't remember how it was to have him in my life. Does that make sense? It's like I just dreamed having him. It's so hard to feel like that because it feels bad. He was one of the most important parts in my life and now I almost can't remember how my life was with him in it. Am I supposed to feel that way? Have any of you experienced a similar feeling after losing a pet? It would be very reasuring to hear that I'm not crazy. Thank you. 

[Missing Jack]

Hi Lisa.

So sorry Lisa, for the loss of your cat, your companion. No you are not crazy. As I was reading what you wrote I understood what you were saying. Perhaps more importantly however, there are clues within your own words.

"it came as quite a shock,"  "I cried a lot and his death hadn't sunk in yet", "But after that I felt normal and didn't feel as hard." Strictly from my own experience, grief has rarely been like that. Does not however mean it is not like that for you, or other's! Sure, as has been written many times there are so called, "stages," of grief, but even if this is true, which I have no reason to doubt, would it not equally be true that we may miss, or "bypass" a few of those stages? I think so. Grieving is such a personal thing, as is memory.

If I had to "guess" I would say that just maybe, due to the sudden nature of your loss, you may have pushed feelings aside or overcame them quickly as a quite natural self defense mechanism, a coping mechanism, and thus in a sense, to make things less "real." Please bare in mind, I am no expert on the matter and offer no advice in any kind of professional capacity, (as I am not a trained professional in these matters) so take my words more in a spirit of helpfulness in which they are offered. I may just as easily be meowing up the wrong tree and far off the mark.

What was your companions name? I notice you did not mention that. Why was he the most important thing in your life? What made that so? Were there any major events during those 10 years? I think it helps, (at least it does me), to write about things, thoughts, emotions, happenings. Sometimes when you look at things in print, it brings into clarity things that we may have missed. Maybe for you (and just guessing here) it was imperative that things return to normal as quickly as possible, because of the nature of your shock and deep sense of loss. I think it is not unusual at all to NOT think about, or remember things, for these reasons. Sometimes thinking about things is just too painful.

Ever hear the expression, "if it's not documented it never happened." I think in some ways as far as our minds may sometimes work, we could easily change that to, "if it's not real, it never happened." Well anyways, I sure know what it is like to question one's own sanity,  ,, so take heart, you are in good company!

God Bless You Lisa, Be Well

Michael (Missing Jack)

PS, By the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way that you are feeling, other than it is making you feel bad!

Sometimes the obvious escapes me !

[KayC]

Lisa,

I am so sorry you loss your cat.

It's odd but I just wrote about that in loss of spouse section...there've been times it feels like it was a dream I was married to my George, that he was in my life...and yet we were everything to each other!  I have even gone so far as to check his birth certificate, marriage certificate, death certificate.  Yes, it really was real.  It's just that it all seems so surreal.  How I could be so happy...and then missing him, my life so seemingly hollow.

You may still be in some shock or denial.  It takes a while to sink in, sometimes I wonder if it ever fully sinks in. How can this be!  They were such a part of our lives and suddenly just gone from us when we least expect it!

I lost my Miss Mocha June 3rd.  She was in good health, I'd had her ten years although I didn't know how old she was because she found me as an adult cat, having lived a previous existence somewhere with another family.  My guess is she was dumped here, abandoned, and she started living in the rafters of my garage, existing on a mole or mouse whenever she could catch one.  She chose me, this place.  The day I let her into my house, she was mine.  She was happy here, she never would have run away.  She slept sidled up to me every night.  So when she disappeared, I knew something had gotten her, perhaps a cougar, or a large bird, but she didn't leave of her own accord.  I never let her out at night, and it was 6 am and sunshiny when she went outside, never to be seen again.  I spent all day outside working in the yard, never heard or saw anything amiss.  But when it came end of the day and she didn't appear, I knew the worst had happened.  Day after day I looked out the patio door hoping to see her form, but it never materialized.  It took a while before it fully sunk in and I cried my eyes out.  Tears don't always equal the measure of loss though.  More than the tears is the heaviness I carry inside.  I still miss her.  I still can't fathom she's gone.  It's like I expect to look up and see her stealing the dog's recliner or showing up at the door like she hasn't been gone.  But I know it isn't so, she's dead.  

Sometimes it's hard to fathom they can be gone when they were such an integral part of our life.