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first Christmas without my mom


lonelygirl14

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My mom died Aug 14,2016.... just over 4 months ago. Nothing feels the same, cause nothing is the same. A huge part of me is missing. No matter how many Christmas decorations filled the house, No matter how bright the Christmas tree was, No matter what presents were under the tree it didnt matter. it just wasnt the same. Normally this time of the year the house is filled with warmth and happiness, but now its so cold and depressing. My mom past away of Liver Cancer so my eldest sister bought everyone necklaces with a green ribbon and a charm that says "forever in our hearts"...... i wish i could show my mom it....

This year for christmas i didnt ask for anything because i knew what i wanted i could never have..... I just wanted to wake up and see her standing by the tree saying merry christmas with her santa hat on that is clearly too big for her head..... its funny cause i kept thinking in my head that if my mom was hear she would be so mad cause me and my siblings are terrible decorators. she probably would of done the decorations completely different....... I just miss her so much.

Christmas day went by so slow... i tried my best to put a smile on and be happy. Every year for christmas my family goes to see a movie and we take a pic in front of the huge tree in front of the movie theater.... we had to take one without my mom this year.... the pic was a really bad pic.... 

Christmas night was the worst...honestly every night is bad but christmas night was my worst... My heart ached so much i couldnt sleep all i could do was cry and be consumed by the sadness.... i felt like the night was never going to end, the worst part about it was not having anyone there for me....my family is the type that doesnt discuss feeling with eachother everyone talks to their significant other but seeing as though i dont have one im all alone in this 

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Dear lonelygirl14,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your beloved mother. I'm so sorry. I can sympathize and empathize with everything you are writing. Losing our parents is one of the hardest moments of anyone's life. All your feelings are understandable. Please do not feel like you are alone. It sounds like your eldest sister is trying to reach out with the necklace gift this Christmas. Please try to connect with friends and family members the best you can. Thinking of you. And remember we are all here for you. Big hugs.

 

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