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Desolation


Daf

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I have no idea why I'm writing this and even less of an idea what I'm hoping to gain!
8 years ago my dad passed away suddenly, he was a healthy 48 year old so it was a terrible shock that his heart just gave up, at the time the death felt like an amputation,  over the following years my entire family have now gone, in 2011 my mother committed suicide at 50 this was followed by my eldest brother passing from a sudden heart attack in 2014 at 37 which was more shocking than my fathers heart attack as he was even fitter, following this my brother and last living family member checked into a hotel following an argument with his wife and died from a heroin overdose at 34 in November 2015. At this point I thought the world well and truly had it in for me. I'd be lying if I didn't say id become desensitised to persistent death, after all, I never thought at 31 I'd be the only one left out of a family of 5. What I can say is as everyone kept saying it did get easier with time and i found myself happy when the people that shaped me and my path in life came back as a shadow or a dream, reminding me I'm never truly alone.

This view has now totally changed for me and I'm a wreck. I'm 32 years old and my partner of 15 years passed away suddenly 2 weeks ago. I have never felt pain like this, I only managed to carry on with life in the past as she was there carrying me and picking me up when all seemed dark. Now I am so alone and see no way forward. I can't understand why I'm surrounded by death.

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Please just keep breathing and eating what/when you can.  You can survive for her.  I am so sorry for you loss, all of it.  

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Daf--- There truly are no words that can adequately convey my condolences with all of your devastating losses. The loss of your wife must certainly feel like the last straw that was holding you together. You came to a great forum here. Plenty of us to share your pain, loneliness. You had your wife's strength and love to carry you through the losses of your family. She will be sending you strength, love and comfort from Heaven as well as the rest of your family in Heaven. Trite words I know when we are overwhelmed in grief. Please, just take one breath at a time, one minute, one hour, one day. Prayers and hugs to you. You are not alone here.

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Daf,

Wow, words are just totally inadequate, I am so sorry for your loss, all of them.  You have been hit with way more than any one person should have to deal with, I only hope things start changing for you.  It takes a long time to process all this death and loss, but our bodies are amazing, we seem to be able to survive the unthinkable, at least that's been my experience.  
I hope you'll continue coming here and posting, it helps to be able to express yourself in a safe understanding place.  Take good care of yourself and try to stay in today and not think about the future, today is enough.

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Daf I cannot begin to say I know how you feel, even though I have been through multiple losses myself there are no ways for me to understand losing all of those integral people. I agree with KayC in thinking about today and not the future. I have been advised to even take it hour by hour, minute by minute. Focusing on those small frames of time seemed to help a bit. I have many times believed that I was cursed in a sense, like all I love dies. This of course is not a healthy mindset, but I see where you may be coming from. You are a testament to the definition of resiliency and I hope you see that as something you can be proud of. That resiliency can truly help you through this most recent loss of your wife. I hope you will pursue obtaining a therapist as it can help to talk out loud about loss. And of course our community here would love you to continue posting!

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I agree, sometimes even looking at the day ahead is too much.  I have also broken it down to an hour or even a minute.  It helps.

Absolutely see a professional grief counselor, not all are equal!
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html

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Daf, I cannot even begin to tell you how desolated you must feel, but you really need to carry on, you still have a whole life ahead of you, no matter how impossible that must seem to you now. You are 32. I lost my mother at your age, then my father, and my husband. But all I can say to comfort you is that at 70+ what I remember is the good parts before, and I have reconstructed my life slowly, but constantly, so that I now feel that I have now had a wonderful life despite all the pain. Please persevere. Think of others, help others, be there for your friends, be kind, be tolerant, be forgiving of everyone ... it takes time, it may well take counselling, but do it! You are worth it, and eventually you will realise that it WAS worth it. My thoughts are with you as you struggle through. It is hard, but you are strong, and you will find it was worth the struggle in the end.

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Daf, 

I completely agree with KayC  "Wow, words are just totally inadequate".

I have lost several people after having my wife die but not near the succession nor pain I believe you have seen.

Hang in there brother. If you need an ear and actual voice pm me and I'll send contact info.

Take care,

Tim

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