Grieving when physically alone

[Augustgirl]

Four months ago I accepted my dream job overseas. I'm now living on the other side of the world to my family in a remote location hundreds of miles from the closest city.

My wonderful dad suddenly passed away in October very unexpectedly. I flew home for the funeral and stayed a few more weeks to help out my mom.

I'm now back in my new home and I'm finding it very difficult to grieve. I'm single so I don't have a partner to talk things through with and I have no kids. I also don't have any true friends here yet as I haven't been here long enough. Whilst I know a few people, I don't know them well enough to be able to talk to them about how I'm feeling. No one has asked me how I'm doing either - I think it's uncomfortable for them to try and comfort someone they barely know.

I try to call friends that are far away, but they lead busy lives and most have very young children so can't devote more than a couple of minutes at a time to me. 

I feel that I'm not expressing my feelings enough. I'm getting on with my life, I'm out trying to make friends and I'm enjoying my job - it's almost like I haven't lost my sad at all. I'm worried that I'm not grieving enough or that I'm in denial about my dad's death because I have no one to talk to about it. I'm afraid that because I can't express my feeling aloud, I'm bottling them up which will lead to a huge explosion of unhealthy emotion later on.  I've looked for support groups and counsellors in the area but they don't exist here.

Can anyone offer advice on how to grieve in a healthy way in my situation?

 

[Missing Jack]

Hello,

I offer sincere condolences to you in the loss of your wonderful dad. Reaching out like you have here is a great start. You write and express yourself well. I have found that writing and expressing in the written word has always seemed to help me a great deal, in dealing with loss.

Lost my dad in 2009. He beat cancer for 15 years. We were separated by some miles. but spoke on the phone, and saw each other when able. I remember the day he called me, very excited, his most recent screening had shown no problems. He received his first "clean" test in years. Several days later, he called again, explaining that the cancer had merely showed up, where it had not been previously and it was inoperable. Those were tough days. But boy oh boy there was so so much more to him and our relationship, than was defined by his illness.

He was (like your dad) an awesome guy.

Write, express, reach out when you can. Set time aside for that purpose. Understandably opening up about deeply personal things like the life and the loss of loved ones, grieving and all of it's attendant emotions, represents risk. Sometimes we may be afraid that no one will respond, or listen or be able to "relate." From what I can tell the folks here are extremely helpful, understanding and empathetic. The site appears to be well moderated. But whatever you decide or however you choose to go about it, express, write, even if you feel that you are merely writing to yourself. I often think of the message in a bottle. Find a webspace, do a tribute with stories and pictures. You can even make it private if you are not yet ready to share with other members of your family or the world! But you may also find, as I often do, that not only are you helping to bring light and understanding for yourself, but quite possibly, you may be helping and touching the life of someone else who also may be struggling. And that is a wonderful tribute to all our loved ones who are no longer with us in the physical sense, but living on through us.

I hope this may help.

Blessings To You, Be Well

Michael