Members Lostmybabe Posted December 24, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2016 Hi, I am new on here. I lost my Fiance on the 13th December in a tragic road accident & i'm really struggling.. How can I be normal for the kids tomorrow, the prospect of opening presents & cooking a dinner, well it hurts me that I have to carry on. I read another guys post who recently lost his wife in her sleep, my heart breaks for you as it does everyone going through this pain. I can associate with him, 2 days ago, I felt guilty for not ending my life to be with my soulmate & best friend. I have 3 children & have to keep going. They were not my partners kids, however he has left a cpl of his own children behind, We are all devastated. The worst pain I have ever felt.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted December 24, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2016 My heartfelt condolences ----This pain of grieving is unbearable, combining with the holidays, even more intense. You will find the inner strength to continue on for yourself and your children. It is our only option.Try not to think about being *normal*. We don't even know what normal is right now. The loss of a loved one changes us and our life as we knew it is changed also. Just breathe, take tomorrow one second, one hour at a time. There are many of us that will be doing the same----Prayers and peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy Posted December 25, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 Hello I am the one who lost my wife while we slept. I'm still thinking she is coming home or coming back to me.I'm a total mess to be honest. We have 2 kids there actually my step kids but always considered them my own will continue to care for them as my own. It has not gotten easier for me. I still get pissed off when I wake up even though the kids need me. We just did our family Christmas it was so hard to keep myself together. When they were checking out there new stuff I got a away to breakdown. I breakdown constantly but they to appear somewhat strong in front of them. Everything I've done from then till now is new to me. I had to shop by myself wrap by myself and give the giftsame by myself. I do that Heidi would be so happy if she was here aper nden1111@hotmail.com it kills me that she's not. We are 3 weeks into this and I still have no idea what took here from me aperndrend if I could've even saved her. I a she so sorry for your loss..nothing will ever compare to the pain we are going through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostmybabe Posted December 25, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 Thank you, i wont be on today but I will reply tomorrow. I know he is with us while we open presents in a moment, looking forward to seeing my children smile again All the materialistic things mean nothing. I will get through today.. love to all. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted December 25, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 Peace and love to all---we will manage to get through this day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 25, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 19 hours ago, Lostmybabe said: I felt guilty for not ending my life to be with my soulmate & best friend. Please don't feel guilty for that, you are doing what you need to do, you are attempting to carry on for your children, I can't imagine he'd want you doing any less. I pray you derive some comfort and peace being with your kids today. I am sorry for your loss, I know how hard this first Christmas without is...and each one thereafter. I'm glad we have each other to understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 25, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 17 hours ago, KMB said: Try not to think about being *normal*. We don't even know what normal is right now. Our new normal is something we have to create, and I can't tell you how long that takes, it doesn't happen overnight, that's for sure, and certainly not now when your brain is still in a fog and you can't even comprehend this level of loss. Try not to worry about normal, just get through today, one moment at a time. Tommy, I'm sure she's proud of you, doing things you've never done before, and keeping going for the kids, I know it's hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostmybabe Posted December 25, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 Well I did it!! Broke down a few times, I had time alone away from the children. Im not drinking too much either, only had half a bottle of red, but it somehow helps when it comes to bed time. I will be honest & say, If I did not have my children Kay, I would not be here. I'm scared of whats to come, my thoughts, the guilt, the emptiness I feel inside. Tommy, and everyone else, I am feeling your pain, yes, ive lost a few relatives in my life, but nothing as painful as this. The fact I could not see him at the chapel of rest has broke me, I did not kiss him goodbye that fateful day, I left him sleeping... All I know is, I was the last person he messaged, 15 minuted before the accident. It has not even been two weeks, and I'm just so numb... My best friend bought me the perfume he was going to buy for me & the children bought me earrings from him too.. Im sorry im waffling on.... This has definitely changed my life.. I'm feeling his hurt & pain at his loss of life, knowing the heartache he will be feeling while watching down on us all. I just wsnt to know he is ok & with us. Funeral is on Wednesday, I just hope I have the strength... Family are already remembering fun happy times & talking of stories, I just can't seem to do it and living my life as if he is still with me, i'm always talking to him & feel guilty if I smile when a song comes on with a happy memory... one thing that gives me comfort, his wishes were to have his ashes flown out to space & that is something we are doing. Never in my lifetime did I envisage Pain like this!!! Love to everyone & thsnk you for your replies x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chasisdope Posted December 25, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 It's been 2 months and 5 days since my husband passed and I still get the urge to check my facebook messages and text to see if it's him. I still feel as I'm expecting him to walk into our room. I don't feel guilty that I haven't taken my life. I'd feel guilty if I tried because he has done so much just to try to live by fighting his cancer. I feel guilty for still being alive. I honestly have hoped to have an aggressive form of cancer too. I just want to be gone also. I have children and I love them so unconditionally but my decision for wanting to just be gone is because I can't take the pain of not knowing my husband's whereabouts. I didn't do anything for Christmas but drove 8 hours to my in laws to spend time with the ones who welcome us. I miss my husband with every single cell in my body. I still cry. I do have a glass of wine so that it could sooth me to sleep. I've been blaming God and I'm not sorry about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted December 25, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 25, 2016 Hi Chasis---It's taking a lot of courage for us to get through this holiday. If this were a *normal* holiday, I would be doing the clean up in the kitchen right now and spending the evening watching tv with my husband. Last Christmas, I never thought that I was going to be alone at this time. My husband enjoyed life and struggled to stay here. I am struggling to stay here and continuing somehow also. But it's so hard doing it alone. Hang in there, Chasis---we are here for you and each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostmybabe Posted December 26, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 13 hours ago, KMB said: Peace and love to all---we will manage to get through this day. Beautiful words KMB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostmybabe Posted December 26, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 Its almost 4.30am & I should try & sleep. I will message soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy Posted December 26, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 Do we even sleep anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 26, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 Lostmybabe, I'm glad you have your kids, because I wouldn't want you to check out, give it time to adjust some and see things from different perspective, it does take a long while. I want to know my grandchildren and be around for them and fulfill any purpose I might have, it's not the same as it was, it never will be, but I keep trying to look forward. I felt like you did in the beginning though. I just didn't see how it was possible to live without him but somehow I've had to do it, no choice. I didn't sleep much last night, no matter how tired, it seems elusive, first time being alone on Christmas... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostmybabe Posted December 26, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 26, 2016 Bless you all, I have kept rather busy today, going through photos & making funeral plans. He was a car enthusiast & we are having a car convoy for him on the day following the hearse. We will have around 20/30 cars on the day and had to ask family to meet at the crem, his ashes are going into space & will fly out to Nasa, America hopefully in April if we can get the estate sorted in time. I havd had a feeling of comfort today, maybe he's around helping me get through. Do you all believe in life after death? I do & that is the only thought that keeps me going, that & my children. No alcohol again today, feeling rather proud, although having to have diazepam to manage the anxiety. Take care everyone x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted December 27, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2016 Lostmybabe---what a wonderful tribute to your husband that you are fulfilling for him! I'm sure that he is around you spiritually, sending love and comfort to you, your children and other loved ones. He will continue to do so throughout your lives. i also believe in the afterlife. How can we not? Our lives here would have no meaning, no purpose, no soul growth if there was not another beautiful, eternal life waiting for us. Prayers and hugs---you will be OK---it'll take time and effort but somehow, we all somehow manage to continue day by day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Emeliza Posted December 27, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2016 I am so glad you are able to spread his ashes the way he wanted. That is lovely. I definitely believe in an afterlife and that we will be together again. Prayers and thoughts for courage as you prepare and have the funeral. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 27, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 27, 2016 Lostmybabe, Thinking of you as you prepare for his hunderal and go through photos...I did that too, for 17 hours straight, it was something tangible I could do and I wanted people at his service to be able to see them...now it's hard to go through them. I always intended to do a scrapbook for him but I just can't seem to go there. We all do what we can and must honor what brings us comfort. One day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostmybabe Posted December 31, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 31, 2016 Hi, New years eve & no alcohol again, had too many last night. I have been reading so much about the afterlife, some very interesting & comforting words. It is helping me. His funeral went really well, I think we had around 50 cars in the convoy from evo's, mercs, audis & scoobies. It made a normally terribly sad journey to the crematorium a lovely memorable one. I believe we did him proud. The family have definitely felt his presence with one having the christmas tree knocked over twice, and I keep having a change in temperature around me and get sudden cold chills. Its nice to know. Altho its a fighting battle to let go of the grief so soon to allow his spirit to come through. I am very much looking forward to a reading next year, so many questions.... Im constantly talking & acting like hes with me, just in case. I still can't believe it, still in shock tbh.. I feel so sorry for ppl who lose someone they love dearly, I never knew it hurt this bad! I wish you all well for 2017, 2016 has been the worst!! Love to all x cpl of pics attached from the car convoy on the day & one of us :,-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted December 31, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 31, 2016 Lostmybabe---Very nice pics---the 2 of you look very much in love! I'm sure your fiance is proud of the convoy! Yes, his spirit you will feel as long as you remain calm. I've been finding this out myself, the hard way. It is so hard staying calm and relaxed and receptive when your heart is grieving and your mind is consumed with your loss. But our loved ones are always with us and wanting to comfort us. My husband has already told me that there is a squirrel in the garage I need to deal with. And I need to bring his truck back home since I haven't been receiving payments on it since he passed. It's beyond belief that they can relay messages of love and care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostmybabe Posted January 1, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2017 Bless you KMB, your words are spot on. Have you dealt with the squirel yet btw? I have booked a place with a medium, not sure on the date yet. Have that to look forward to, plus my tattoo. Hummingbirds from our visit to Monterey in 2010, we came over to America and had the best time ever. Hows tommy doing? Has he been on much? I found watching the count down to the new year so incredibly hard last night, harder than christmas day tbh. When my children realised I was crying, I had one at each side of me & my other DD was at work. They helped and glad to share that with them. Although I could not wait for them to go to bed. I wanted my alone time, that is when I feel he may be around me the most. I think I went to bed around 5.30am.. I have done nothing in the house for almost 3 weeks now, I have no energy or interest in anything. I just sit.... Or keep busy by running around after ppl, I dont rly want to do that tbh, but everyone is saying life carries on & everyones saying "happy new new" How is it a happy new year, when we are to start it alone.... X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 1, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted January 1, 2017 It's hard. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted January 1, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2017 Lostmybabe---No, it is not a happy new year----for me, you, and for many, it is another *first* to get through by ourselves. I haven't done much in the house either, lack of the right motivation. My husband's imprint is all over, I don't want to erase any of that. Earlier, last week, I discovered his hand prints on the wall behind the kitchen chair. It was just the way the light was shining on the wall at that time that I noticed them. There are still black marks on the carpet where he sat on the sofa with his boots on. Why take off the boots if you are still going back out? So much of my husband is in this house and outside---I have no desire to change any of that. My husband and I were both *doers*---always active and being productive. I find myself doing too much sitting these days but it is part of the journey right now. In time I will do more, but we need time to grieve and to process, to find out what we are made of to survive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 2, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted January 2, 2017 I had to smile at the black spot your husband left because he didn't take his boots off. Funny how those things are now endearing. We had a new reclining loveseat and one day my husband playfully "dove" at me when I was in it, breaking a part in it so that one side of it can't be used to recline in or it comes apart six inches where your butt sits. Funny, I can't make myself get rid of that piece of furniture...I remember when I bought it, my husband's stipulation was that it not have any drink holders in the middle because he wanted to cuddle with me in it and not have something in the way. It has special memories for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lostmybabe Posted January 3, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 Awwww, thats so sweet... All these memories we must treasure.. Even down to his couple of empty stella cans in his woodwork shed that I simply cant throw away, or his last box of tobacco, his last red bull & his last bottle of red (that i finished off) silly things I know, but they mean so much right now x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted January 3, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 Everything our loved ones left behind is special. It proves they were here, did exist, loved us and cared for us. Not just the material things, but the memories are the most treasured. The memories we carry in our hearts and no one can take those away or dispose of them. They are for keeps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 3, 2017 Moderators Report Share Posted January 3, 2017 The physical things are tangible reminders of our memories. When I had to sell my husband's Leatherman Wave when I was out of work and needed food, I cried when it sold, even though I knew he'd want me to have money to eat. It's hard to get rid of ANYTHING of theirs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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