This first lonely Christmas

[Janice 252]

Hi to all. I've been reading all your posts and my prayers are with you though I haven't had the energy to post much myself . I'm just trying to get through what is going to be the saddest Christmas ever. Sad for all of us but especially for those experiencing this first Christmas alone. I'm thankful for my family who are surrounding me with love and good friends who have not deserted me. 

Kay . Did you get your eye surgery done ? Hope you are coping with the weather?

KMB Hope you are getting through this sad time. Do you still have much snow?

Sending love hugs and prayers. Here's hoping 2017 brings us some peace and acceptance . It's all i ask for. Xx

 

[KayC]

Hi Janice, good to see you here.  I cancelled the eye surgery, just way too much going on, and since the insurance wouldn't pay for it, it doesn't hurt me to put it off and cough it up later.  My dog got into a present under the tree from my sister and ate 14 individually wrapped rich chocolate (in cellophane).  I took him to the animal hospital and he's been treated for chocolate toxicity and I'm watching for signs of obstruction...if that happens I have to rush him in for surgery, 60 miles away.  He has been my focus and priority this week.  Then he got into some butter I had been bringing to room temp in the far end of my sink, I still don't know how he reached it, he ingested about 1/6 cup, but with his acute chronic Colitis, that set him back some more.  Cooking special food for him, he's done with the medicine.
 

KMB and I both have snow and more to come.  I lost five lbs in the last two weeks of shoveling it.  Hard way to lose weight!
 

Thinking of all of you during Christmas and beyond and hoping we never see a repeat of what we've had, hoping 2017 is better for all of us.

[KMB]

Hi Janice, a relief to hear from you. Still struggling along. Have had snow to shovel, fresh air and some exercise. Have one offer for Christmas afternoon for supper. It's a 45 mile drive one way, but due to a mix of rain and snow tomorrow afternoon, I'll probably stay home. The pets need me more to take care of them, than I need to be in a ditch or accident.

Sending prayers of love and peace to everyone who is reading theses posts. Prayers of thankfulness that we found this forum and have someone to reach out to----a different kind of family who understands----

 

[KayC]

KMB,

This will be my first Christmas alone, I've always had my daughter with me, but we have snow pack on the road and she needs new tires.  With her being pregnant, I feel very protective of her.  I will pray my way down the mountain to church, then will come home and be with Arlie and Kitty.  It's 22 degrees outside, it feels colder yet.
 

I'm thinking of everyone here, I know how tough this day is for you and my heart just bleeds for all of your pain.  I know you're missing your special soul mate.  I remember my first Christmas without him and all of the other ones missing him...wishing some peace and comfort would come your way.

[KMB]

My 1st Christmas alone---- well, not totally. A friend stopped in for coffee for a couple hours. Talked to one of the kids on the phone. Another kid by social media.

It's not the same though---should have spent the day cooking and hubby and I enjoying that meal-------

Ice covering everything this morning. Has been really windy and the snow is moving in

Love and peace------

[KayC]

This was my first one alone too, KMB,...in the past my daughter was always with me but I didn't want her to risk it, the roads were horribly dangerous and no sign of the county, no plow, no rock.  When school buses aren't running, they don't care.  
I went to church, stayed and worked in the office (Treasurer) to do the payroll and reimbursements & coding.  Took longer than I'd anticipated so I missed having dinner at the museum as it was over by the time I was done.  Went home and had 1/2 sandwich and a cup of soup.  Definitely different from Christmases past.  Decided to call shut ins and those struggling in our church, then talked with family and friends after walking my dog (who is seeming better).
Very cold out!  Hoping I have enough wood to last the winter, thought I had a two year supply but going through way more this year.

I'm sorry the snow is moving in there, it looks like we have snow day after day after day, as well.  It's getting old.  Funny how I'd feel different if George was here, even if he couldn't help me shovel, I wouldn't feel like I was alone in facing everything.

I hope the rest of you survived your Christmas intact, I know the first year seems pretty hard hitting.  (((hugs to all)))

[KMB]

Hi KayC----Survived Christmas somehow. My stomach is knotted up today though. The snow did not show up but the freezing rain did with gusty winds. Power outages but surprisingly not here. Temps are supposed to drop throughout the day with the gusty winds staying on. Like you, I'm facing everything alone and it's exhausting mentally. Glad to hear Arlie is doing better. Thank God your daughter stayed home, even though she would have kept you company. Hope she has a healthy baby.

[KayC]

Arlie had a set back, gosh his system just cannot tolerate anything!
I feel kind of like I missed Christmas.  How can it before, I didn't have it?

It's very windy out today, snow coming tonight and this weekend...I was hoping not to have snow Sunday or Monday as I have a lot of work to do after the 1st for the Church Treasury job, but I've learned one thing from Mother Nature, it's going to do what it's going to do and pays little attention to what I want.  I hope no power outages for either of us!  I do not like facing the wrath of winter storms alone.

[KMB]

KayC---I hope Arlie starts doing better! Still all ice out here. No mail delivery yesterday due to that ice. Snow coming in for Thurs. and Saturday. I hope conditions improve by tomorrow afternoon, will have to venture out with the 4WD and see. Need dog food and milk. Need my husband more than anything. But all I can do is talk to him and pray.

[KayC]

Arlie was vomiting and diarrhea yesterday so I took him off food for 24 hours.  This morning I fixed him white rice, chicken breast, and pumpkin, am waiting to see how he does with it.  His Colitis has been giving him fits the last 1 1/2 weeks.

It's been snowing every day but not a lot since around Christmas.  Still have snow pack on the road.  A lot of snow moving in this weekend, unfortunately Sunday and Monday will be real bad and that's when I need to be working down at the church.  They won't plow the roads because of no school so I may have to wait and do the work later as roads permit.

Be careful when you go out today, I'm glad you have 4WD.  My son has my truck all torn apart and said there's no drain on the battery so I don't know what's causing it to go bad.  He's still checking everything out.

[Janice 252]

Hi to Kay and KMB

Glad to hear you both got through Christmas. Your situation is so much more difficult than mine. My heart goes out to you both. I don't have to contend with your bad weather and isolated locations. And my family live close by and are able to visit me often. I so admire both of you for coping so well. I hope Arlie is getting better. Christmas came and went for me. Time spent with the family was ok . When I was on my own I just wanted to hide in bed. 2016 has been a horrendous year. As well as losing Bill ,  my mother developed dementia and is now in a nursing home . I'm an only child and my mother was always a great support. I feel I've lost her too. And my younger daughter has gone through 2 gruelling rounds of IVF and didn't get her longed for baby. Just a week before Christmas my cousin's son committed suicide so the family is having to come to terms with that as well. 2017 must be better. 

Although I don't post much I read the forum every day. Thank you both so much for being there for everyone. Your wise words and caring support are helping so many people. Just as they did for me when I found this site. Sending love prayers and hugs to you both xx

[KMB]

Janice----So sorry to hear of your mother. That has to be devastating for you, on top of being an only child and having no siblings for the support. Is your daughter able to have any more IVF treatments? Can't even imagine the anguish she must be going through in wanting a child. A suicide in the family before Christmas is beyond tragic.This has certainly been a most terrible year for many of us. Last year, at this time, I would never have imagined what was in store for this year. I would not have believed it if someone had shown me in a crystal ball the tragic way this year was going to go.I still have moments when it's all hard to believe. i know I'm going to have those moments the rest of my life until I can be in my husband's arms again in Heaven.

Love and Peace, Janice

[Janice 252]

KMB. This has been an horrendous year for all of us. I will be glad to see the end of it. My dad died 20 years ago and mum was essentially my best friend. Until 2 years ago her health was good and we had many happy holidays together . We always enjoyed each others company . Then her physical health deteriorated and I have been her carer since then. The dementia started about a year ago and it has been very stressful . But Bill was always there for me. Every day when I came home we would have a chat and he would always make me feel loved and supported. Mum still knows me and thankfully remembers that Bill has died. I wouldn't be able to visit at all if I had to keep telling her each time. 

My daughter's IVF is a difficult subject. She does have a little boy who was conceived naturally but has had 3 miscarriages now. She's 39  so her age is against her too. I think after the year we've had she's going to put it all on the back burner for now which is probably wise. It takes over your whole life and she needs a break.

Mark's suicide was such a shock. He had been battling depression for only the last year and  no one thought he was suicidal. His funeral was on Christmas eve and his mum and dad and brothers are devastated. Their lives will never be the same.

Tonight I'm having dinner with friends. They're a couple we spent a lot of time with and have been inviting me since Bill died. I kept putting them off but I have to go sometime. But as you know not being in a couple is so hard. I'll just have to get through it. Ronnie will pick me up and bring me home so at least I won't have to drive but it will be the first time I will be coming into the house later at night and I am dreading that.

Like you I still have difficulty accepting that this is my life now. Everywhere I look there are reminders of Bill and the life we had. Travel was our thing. It could be 2 days in Donegal or a far east cruise, we just loved discovering new places and cultures. And Bill hated touristy places. We always had to go off the beaten path to find locals to talk to and he was never happier than finding some local delicacy to try. I kept diaries of all our holidays and there are reminders everywhere of our travels.. I thought in our 80's we'd be reminiscing over all the places we had been so lucky travel to. Now I'm  facing old age alone and that sucks.

Hope you're coping ok. You're always in my thoughts. Send love and prayers xx

[KayC]

Janice,

You're going through a lot.  My George was good with my mom, better than anyone...my mom had mental problems all her life and then developed dementia, hard to know at what point because she never made sense.  George knew just how to deal with her.  In the years following his death she was diagnosed Stage IV Lewy Bodies Dementia.  I missed having him here to go through it with me.  Eventually she didn't remember him, that broke my heart because he was one of her favorite people.  Dementia has a life of its own.  I've learned we don't have to keep filling them in on everything.  If you message me your email address, I'll send you an eBook that helped me greatly with it.
 

[KMB]

Janice, KayC---Dementia, Alzheimers---so very difficult to comprehend and deal with. but it is said that even though the person inflicted with these frustrating diseases, is aware and does remember---their soul remembers. That is what counts.

[Janice 252]

Hi to both of you. Kay I've sent you my email address. Thank you. Don't know why but today is a bad day or rather a worse day. They're all bad days. My daughter tells me that at some point I will find things in life to bring me pleasure but that seems so hard to believe. All the really enjoyable times in my life were only like that because Bill and I were doing it together . I look at his photograph and ask how can this be. All the things we loved to do - looking after the grandchildren , going to talks at the library , going out for breakfast , snuggling up on the sofa to watch hours of our favourite programmes with a bottle of wine, exploring new parts of the world, wonderful times but only because we were together. I struggle to get out of bed -what's the point? The house is quiet , it's still dark outside. Bed feels safer. KMB I read on another post that you were having problems with a friend who wanted to be more than that. That's a difficult one. Hope you can find a way to manage it . People seem to think you can just replace the one you have lost with someone new. Bill and I were together virtually everyday for nearly 50 years. We met at school when I was 17 and he was 19.  And people actually think you can move on to someone new!! I know it's not going to happen but I just want him back. When I hear a car outside I still think it's him coming home. After I was at the friendship group I found - I was on the train on the way home and actually said to myself " I'll have to remember to tell Bill about it" I must be cracking up . I go to a group for bereaved spouses and my first thought is I can't wait to tell Bill about it when I get home!! If we hadn't been out together,it was always my first thought. We would have a laugh or he would cheer me up. Whatever I needed he was always there. I can be a bit emotional and over react to things but he always had a level head and made rational decisions. He always pointed me in the right direction. I miss that so much. I know what he would be saying to me now but it doesn't make it any easier.

Sending love and prayers to you both xx

[Janice 252]

Sorry Kay. Forgot to ask. How's Arlie ? Xx

[KMB]

Hi Janice---I can relate to what you said. When you are so used to sharing everything with the one person who really cared, being together just about 24/7----there is no one there now. We are on our own. I don't know why people think you can replace someone that you have been committed to for many years. At my age, I am unable to conceive that idea of starting over with someone else. I can understand, however, a much younger person finding love again. And in the later years, if you do find someone you are compatible with for companionship, and something happens to them, you are going through the pain all over again.

All I can manage for now is to somehow be able to continue on with the parts of *our* life that I can deal with on my own. I hope that it will eventually be enough to gain me entry into Heaven so I can be with my husband.To breathe and survive are my keywords.

[KayC]

Janice,

Arlie is better but not well, his Colitis is always hard to get over once flared up.  Still working on it.
 

I tired to find a way to upload the eBook here but couldn't figure out how, so was glad you sent your email address.  I hope it helps a bit.
 

I have a friend who remarried four years after her husband died, every time her new husband has problems she worries about him dying too.