I don't know what to do

[Lulubell]

I don't know if I belong here

My name is Anna I'm 21 years old, when I was born I was given the misfortune of landing in the arms of a drug riddled mother and alcoholic father. After three years of neglect I was taken away and sent to live with my paternal grandparents, never to see my mother again and suffering forced visitation with my father every two weeks for 12 years. 

My grandparents are my life, they are my mom and dad, they gave me a life when I had none, they loved me even though I had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and a cocaine addiction from birth. They put me through a mainstream education and encouraged me to succeed despite being legally blind. 

When I graduated from highschool top of my class and went on to University against all odds, they were cheering for me in the front row. 

My grandfather, my best friend, my biggest support, the only man I've ever truly trusted, died on December 14th 2016 in a long term care facility where he had been suffering with Alzheimer's. I never said goodbye to him, I wasn't given the chance. 

I went to his bed side and held his hand as it became cool and stiff, I watched the funeral home wheel him away and today on December 22nd I placed a rose on his casket as they lowered him into the ground forever. 

I have never felt such a massive void in my life, I have no will to go on. I don't know how to exist in a world without him. 

I'm lost, I'm alone, a part of me died. 

[reader]

Dear Anna,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the loss of your beloved grandfather. I'm so sorry. I know this is a very painful time and there is a lot of sorrow. Life is never easy and I know losing such an important person in your life is very tough. Everything you are feeling is normal. Please try and surround yourself with caring friends and family members. And try to take care of yourself the best you can. It will be a long road.  Thinking of you. And you are not alone. We are all here to support you. Big hugs from another Canadian.

[Lulubell]

Thank you so much, I don't know what I expected coming on here but you really made me feel like somebody cares and understood, I really appreciate that.

<3

[Missing Jack]

Hello Anna,

So very sorry to hear about the recent loss of your grandfather. Although I lost my own grandfather many years ago, there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him. He was to me, the kindest, most gentle soul, that I had ever known. We were very close and my fondest childhood memories are the times that I spent with him.

My own grandfather went completely blind as a young man (in his twenties.) So of course as a boy, I never knew a time when he had his sight. To this day the inspiration he provides to me as I remember him, and remember the amazing things he did without sight, are all still with me.

How blessed we are to have had such positive people and influence in our lives. We will never forget. We are never alone. Their spirits live on, as well do the many lessons that they brought to us. Thank you so much for reminding me on this Christmas day.

God Bless You Anna, Be well

Michael

[Lottie_Lulu]

This is awful, and I won't tell you it gets better soon because it doesn't. It's all about change, learning to adapt to a new world. We are all here to support you and we understand exactly how you feel. You are not alone. x