Lost my Mom a month ago

[Sara]

Hi everyone,

I am new here. I am so happy to have found this website. 
I am 30 years old and my Mom passed away just over a month ago.  She was 58 years old and passed away from Lung cancer. She started having pains in her back which we thought maybe she just pulled a muscle in her back, but 3 months later, she was gone.
My Mom was my everything, we were best friends. I miss her so much, sometimes I just don't know how I can carry on for so many years without her.
All of my friends have their parents so I feel very alone. 
I'm not married yet, however it's close, and my Mom and I talked about my wedding all the time.  I am not sure how I will ever be able to get married without it being the saddest day of my life!
Anyways, that's briefly my story.... I am looking forward to chatting with you all.
 

[reader]

Dear Sara,

My deepest sympathies and condolences on the loss of your beloved mother. I'm so sorry. I know this is the hardest time in one's life when your mom or dad is gone. It sounds like you had a beautiful relationship with your mother. I know you will find a way to include your mom during your special day. I lost my father two months ago. With Christmas only a few days away, I find it very hard to cope. I know he would want me to carry on but some days I really don't know how. Please take care of yourself during this difficult time. Thinking of you.

[Athina]

Dear Sara,

we are all here connected by this intense pain. I lost my mother exactly two months ago, I still cannot process this fact. A couple of days ago was my birthday, it was incredibly sad. I am angry at other people most of the time as they tell me to get on with life (what do they understand?). I just turned 36 and I have a big and loving family. I am happy that my mother shared her love with her beautiful 3 grandchildren. However, it hurts when my little 3-year-old tells me not to cry as she would ask for her grandma to return.

Every day is sad. I simply do not see things around me. But what is more, I do not want to see anything around me. I want just to lie on the bed and cry for my mother. How I have missed her. 

Please, know there are others that carry the same pain. Unfortunately, as usual - those who surround you are leading happy lives and it seems you are the one who's suffering there. 

Sometimes I wish I were not that close with my mother so that I did not have this unbearable pain killing me. 

[Sara]

Thank you for the replies.  I am also so sorry that you have lost a parent.  I actually still can't believe it.  I feel like I am in a fog most of the time.

I totally understand when you said you wish you were not that close with your mother so you didn't have this unbearable pain.  I have thought that many times too. I made my Mom my life, I was in constant contact with her so now I feel like I have nothing! Even the day before she passed away, she grabbed my arm and said "You know you're my life right?".... Her and I were so close!  I miss her SO much!  I can't help but to keep asking WHY!! Life will never be the same....ugh. 

Anyways, thanks again for the replies....I feel less alone, but I am also so sorry that you're suffering as well!

[SJBK]

Sara and Athina,

I truly feel your pain.  No one understands this.. in my family.  I truly believe you can not understand it until it happens to you.  My mom died October of this year.  I, too, had to celebrate a birthday without her.  Our entire Christmas season centered around her  (since dad passed 16 years ago).  We were together 24/7 for days.  My only sibling only visited with her maybe once a year- or every other year - as she lives out of state.  I just don't know how to get through this holiday season.  My son and husband just stare at me as if I am being unreasonable.  I don't know what to do.   I am so sad and just want to cry and cry......  Does anyone on this site have some help for us?/

[reader]

I'm so sorry for all the pain and sorrow during this difficult time. I think everyday is a struggle when we lose our beloved parents. The grief is overwhelming. I think its only normal to feel intense sadness and even anger at what happened. I don't know if this will work for everyone. But I try to surround myself with caring friends and family. Try to distract myself when I can. Someone else suggested I talk to a therapist. Writing out my feelings. Planning a vacation. And yet there a days when I want to do nothing. There is no right way to mourn. I let my emotions out whenever I feel like. I seem to cry more than my siblings, but I let myself or I will go mad. All our losses have been so recent, I think it will be a long time before we accept our new normal.

[Whit B]

Dear Sara, 

I can relate. My amazing mom passed away a little over a month ago. I'm unmarried too and it's so hard to think of it all.  My mom started feeling ill at the end of July and we were told it was something relatively minor by numerous doctors, but after many many tests and procedures she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer on November 3rd and passed away on November 21st. It was so unexpected and shocking as the doctors were hopeful but didn't schedule her treatment in time. I feel like my world crumbled. It's heartbreaking and devastating. My mom is my very best friend too and no one quite gets it unless they've been there. I didn't know it was possible to cry as much as I have, or hurt this much. We can only take this one day at a time, one moment at a time. You're not alone. I understand. 

[Gem]

Hi Sara,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my mom almost two years ago. She died of Breast cancer that already metastasized to her bones and organs. She was my best friend. She was only 59 and I was 24. I spent two birthdays without her presence and an engagement. I miss her so much, I can definitely relate to you. It's going to be two years in April and for the first year it was difficult and it got better after a while. I thought I would be fine after that but her I am now, such a mess again. This month is the month that she was diagnosed and a lot of memories and regrets are filling my head. 

It's not going to be an easy road, there will be moments you will miss her and moments when you are happy with the thought that she is not suffering anymore. Life will go on, sometimes you'll feel a tug in your heart because it feels wrong but what I like to think of is now our moms are with us everywhere we go. They're always watching over us and sharing the same moments they would have shared if there were still living. 

Praying for you, you'll be okay

[Mdodds]

 

I understand how all of  you feel. I lost my mother on Saturday and I too am devastated. We were best friends and spoke everyday, several times a day. I am the only child, even though I am married with a son, she was always there for me. We were inseparable. I feel completely lost. She had breast cancer that metastasized to her lungs and just last week we were going out to lunch together, laughing. She went from being tired and occasionally out of breath, to being on full time oxygen on Monday, admitted to the hospital on Wednesday. I brought her home on Friday, and my husband and I were with her. She passed away in her sleep early Saturday morning. I could hear her breathing change and I ran out of her room, so afraid to be there. I then forced myself to go back in and the second I went back in she took her final breath. I miss her so much and I feel completely paralyzed by sadness. She was so full of life, so beautiful. I know it has only been two days, but I keep reaching for the phone to call her. I am grateful that so many of you have a similar story to share.

[gardenhat]

I can relate to everything that has been said here. I just want you to know you aren't alone in feeling this way. My mother passed on January 9th and I miss her everyday. I also feel like I am in a fog. I don't want people to forget about her. I loved her more than anything and noone will ever love me the way she did. I have to hang on to hope this will get better.