loss Emma gone blink of eye

[Peg vandyne]

Wednesday my world (and my DH, and our Golden Annies,) lives changed. Its a colder, darker, somber, empty existence. No, I am not exagerating. We have had a very rough year. Always one step away from being homeless BUT Emma was the light. Yes, Annie, too helped. Annie is a rescue from a bad man (mean, neglectful) so she's ver sweet n gentle and quiet.  Emma, who rescued us 6 years ago when a care-giver of our 2 y/o Golden killed her. 2 months after Hannah's death we got Emma. What a spitfire! We almost took her back. A Golden who was aggressive? A puppy, yet. But we kept her. How glad we've been. Everyday has been an adventure. She was a stinker. We played games. She was so smart. She knew my moods. She knew the inflection of my voice. She and I were connected. I am unable to write any more now. I have been drunk, sick, unable to funstion. I wail and weep. My husband is grieving also. I'm scared to be alone. Trying to be thoughtful of Annie. As she is upset. Emma was having "zoomies" and slipped, fell and died. Possibly a stroke, the vet said. We declined a necropsy. We will receive her ashes soon. Has this happened to anyone else? So suddenly. My Faith is gone. I blame myself. I blame God. Any replys will help. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your losses.  She sounds wonderful, my dog also has a lot of personality, so smart, so fun, and a definite mind of his own, he also loves games, he makes them up.  I've lost many dogs and cats over the years, it's very tough.  I lost my husband 11 1/2 years ago, that was the hardest thing I'd ever gone through.
I'm not sure what a zoomie is, but a friend of mine had a dog that had seizures and was on medicine for it, still she lost him, she'd only had him a year and it was very hard for her.  
It's not uncommon to feel we've lost our faith when we're grieving.  A lot of people attribute all their woes onto God, even though He didn't cause the death.  The truth is, we feel what we feel and we experience a whole myriad of emotions when we're grieving.  Don't worry about your faith, it'll likely return and you'll find it was always there, just seemingly out of reach...God still carries us even when we don't see it.

I feel I have to mention that alcohol is not a good idea when you're grieving because it's a depressant...the last thing you need right now.  Try to take care of yourself, to give yourself optimal coping ability...drink plenty of water, eat something healthy, take walks.  While it may feel like hell to wail and weep, getting that out is actually cleansing and healing, it's good to express yourself and know you're heard, this is a good place to do that.  There's always somebody around, you might have to wait a few hours for a response, but one will be forthcoming.

Don't forget to spend time with Annie, she may be grieving too and will need extra love and attention as she is going through it.  Maybe take her on walks with you, it'll help you both.

[Peg vandyne]

The day she died my husband picked her up and took her to the vet. When he carried her out her tongue was hanging out of her mouth. It was horrific. I can't get it out of my mind.  I knew she was gone. But he drove like a maniac to get her there. While he was gone I drank a cup or two of vodka. I am not a drinker. I am 60 and don't party. I just felt insane. Guess I still am. It didnt help . Nothing helps. Our circle of life is just the 4 of us. Emma was large as life all day. Not quiet. Played all the time. I bet I kissed her 50 times a day. A zoomie is when a dog runs in circles or all around the room. Maybe only Golden's do it. She was a very happy interactive family member. Our home is missing life now. Are we abnormal? Yes. I guess so. Maybe because we just have us. No family that cares about us. And that is a fair statement, believe me. There is not a place that doesn't remind me of her. The girls went everywhere we went.

Annie has started sleeping with us. This is new but helps. God let Emma die.  She was not a dog to us. What I've written doesn't convey the hollowness, emptiness, anger, hopelessness we feel. 

   I am so sorry about your husband. So sorry. 

I thank you for your reply. I'm sure you are a kind person. 

[KMB]

So sorry for your loss. Pets are an extension of family and bring us unconditional love and joy. It know how much it hurts and the void that is left behind when your Emma passed.

I don't believe that God *let* Emma pass away. She might have had a medical condition no one was aware of or it was simply her time to leave this physical world.( You mentioned she might have had a stroke and no mention of her age). Emma came into your life at a time when you needed her. Keep her close to your heart with love and memories, that is how she'll like to be remembered. Annie has started sleeping with you, that is her way of bringing comfort to you.

[KayC]

I feel about my animals as you do about yours, and I'm glad you still have Annie.  My dog is Husky and Golden Retriever, and big as he is, has done what you describe, I just hadn't heard of that term.  I don't think you're abnormal at all, there are many of us pet lovers out here.  They are very much family to me.  Our dogs are a gift to us, we know they won't live as long as us, yet we treasure them each moment they're with us.  The pain that comes with losing one of them is tremendous, my heart goes out to you in your profound loss.