Members Ivette Posted December 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 I lost my mom 4 months ago, it was so unexpected she wasn't sick she went to sleep and died in her sleep . My friends were there for me thru the wake and funeral which I am extremely grateful for but haven't been there for me in the months since. I am so heartbroken I lost my only living parent having lost my dad 12yrs ago! I just had the first thanksgiving without my mom, and dreading Christmas and New Years. I don't expect people to stop living for me but it would be nice to have support especially if you call yourself a friend. They don't understand that I don't want to be sad and miserable all the time it just happens, the holidays are literally killing me, all I do is cry, i had a friend tell me to take medications, I had another say that I need to go and get drunk, but what's the sense of that? I'm normally an outgoing, happy, up to anything type of girl but now I'm always sad, and extremely quiet.. I wish they could see and feel what's in my heart, I wish they would be more understanding. I am so angry and hurt and have no one to speak to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Becka Posted December 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 Yvette I lost my mother in July. I'm heart broken too... everyday this week has been worse than the day before as I get closer to the holidays. Miss my mother terribly. Everyone e wants me to go on antidepressants but I don't see any point in dulling the feeling to deal with once I decide O don't want to be drugged anymore. Do you have family? I am a Single mom of twin teens. My mother was my confident and advisor. Some days it seems unbearable but somehow I get up, get dressed and push my way through. I'm here with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ivette Posted December 15, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 1 minute ago, Becka said: Yvette I lost my mother in July. I'm heart broken too... everyday this week has been worse than the day before as I get closer to the holidays. Miss my mother terribly. Everyone e wants me to go on antidepressants but I don't see any point in dulling the feeling to deal with once I decide O don't want to be drugged anymore. Do you have family? I am a Single mom of twin teens. My mother was my confident and advisor. Some days it seems unbearable but somehow I get up, get dressed and push my way through. I'm here with you. I''m a single mother of two girls, I do have siblings but they are to busy with their own lives I do push myself to get up get dressed and go to work. I try to be strong especially for my daughters but i feel as if I'm drowning at times, maybe it's bcuz of the holidays my mom was usually with me this time of year and now it's so sad and lonely .. I'm sorry for your loss Becka and thank you, I'm here for you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Becka Posted December 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 I'm sorry for your loss too... I have a brother. He is a Single father with a special needs child but he lives thousands of miles from me. We are close but he's so busy. My sister and i don't see eye to eye... it had to do with mom but that's a long story for another time. I need a friend too.. I think it's both Yvette... I was starting to do well then Thanksgiving came and I started to pick myself back up... (decided to start painting the inside of my house to keep my mind and body busy) not that I don't have plenty of other responsibilities but it helped me to not think of mom all the time and I didn't have to think too much about what I was doing I could just play the radio loud and paint when my kids were busy. Then the Christmas music started coming on the radio and all the decorations and in the stores and each day it's worse. After reading your post I realize I'm angry too and I try not to take it out on my kids but I'm very irritable and extremely sensitive about everything that's happening around me. I've never had a Christmas without at least speaking to mom :-( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Becka Posted December 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 We will get through this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missingyou05 Posted December 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 Having lost both parents 18 months apart last year, I know the feeling of all of the firsts. I had all of the firsts of losing my mom, and now have gone through all of the firsts again after my dad. Its hard to understand, but people have lives to go back to. People get so caught up in their lives they forget to put themselves in others shoes. I called up my close friends and family who were there for me during the funeral/wake, while i was crying and said "I'm having a hard time right now, and need to vent." Some listened without saying a word, some tried to give "tough love", others cried with me. I know how you feel about being angry and hurt, but I encourage you to reach out. I didn't explain to them that it hurt me that they weren't thinking of me, I think that was implied. Don't Suffer in silence. Call your support system, that's what they're there for! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Becka Posted December 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 On 12/14/2016 at 11:27 PM, Ivette said: I''m a single mother of two girls, I do have siblings but they are to busy with their own lives I do push myself to get up get dressed and go to work. I try to be strong especially for my daughters but i feel as if I'm drowning at times, maybe it's bcuz of the holidays my mom was usually with me this time of year and now it's so sad and lonely .. I'm sorry for your loss Becka and thank you, I'm here for you too. Checking on you Yvette... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blktx88 Posted December 18, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 People will continue to say that it will get better, easier, and can tell you that suppressing the pain with alcohol, medication...etc will help. But in reality, there is nothing that will make the pain go away. I lost my mom 2 weeks ago. And I miss her more and more everyday. I know people who have also lost a parent months and years ago, and they've been honest with me. They say that although the pain will never go away, it gets easier to deal with. You adapt to the pain. But suppressing the pain will only make the pain come out in a different form. So, let your tears flow, let your heart ache, but don't loose sight of the fact that you still have a life to live. Do something in honor of your mother, live through her in some way. And talk to others. The more you talk the lighter your heart will feel. Ive also kept a journal where i write letter to my mother. It brings out a lot of memories and heartache, but after I feel a sense of release and relief. Stay strong:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ivette Posted December 22, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2016 On 12/15/2016 at 0:43 AM, Becka said: I'm sorry for your loss too... I have a brother. He is a Single father with a special needs child but he lives thousands of miles from me. We are close but he's so busy. My sister and i don't see eye to eye... it had to do with mom but that's a long story for another time. I need a friend too.. I think it's both Yvette... I was starting to do well then Thanksgiving came and I started to pick myself back up... (decided to start painting the inside of my house to keep my mind and body busy) not that I don't have plenty of other responsibilities but it helped me to not think of mom all the time and I didn't have to think too much about what I was doing I could just play the radio loud and paint when my kids were busy. Then the Christmas music started coming on the radio and all the decorations and in the stores and each day it's worse. After reading your post I realize I'm angry too and I try not to take it out on my kids but I'm very irritable and extremely sensitive about everything that's happening around me. I've never had a Christmas without at least speaking to mom :-( I'm so sorry for your loss Becka. You know I joined this site and didn't realize so many of us have this hurt and so much in common, it helps knowing that there are ppl on here that understand my pain and don't judge. I'm here if you need to talk, currently dealing with the flu and that's why I didn't reply sooner. take it one day at a time that's what I'm doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ivette Posted December 22, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2016 On 12/15/2016 at 9:48 AM, Missingyou05 said: Having lost both parents 18 months apart last year, I know the feeling of all of the firsts. I had all of the firsts of losing my mom, and now have gone through all of the firsts again after my dad. Its hard to understand, but people have lives to go back to. People get so caught up in their lives they forget to put themselves in others shoes. I called up my close friends and family who were there for me during the funeral/wake, while i was crying and said "I'm having a hard time right now, and need to vent." Some listened without saying a word, some tried to give "tough love", others cried with me. I know how you feel about being angry and hurt, but I encourage you to reach out. I didn't explain to them that it hurt me that they weren't thinking of me, I think that was implied. Don't Suffer in silence. Call your support system, that's what they're there for! I do call and reach out some make me feel like they don't want to hear me out, as if I should be over the loss of my mom. I'm usually the strong one in the group, I'm the one who is usually there for all. It's hard especially feeling you are alone but I'm gonna pull thru stronger than ever and those ppl that were not there for me will not be part of me when I do. You know the saying "you know who your friends are when you need them most" I have one friend who is having health/family issues but not once has stopped worrying about me, and that right there is giving me strength cuz I know she too needs me .. thanks for you kind words, and I too am very sorry for your loss, and I'm here should you too need someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ivette Posted December 22, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2016 On 12/17/2016 at 5:32 PM, Becka said: Checking on you Yvette... Thanks Becka, I am hanging in there, how are you doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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