Members Sadaf Nazim Posted December 13, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2016 Hi everyone, I have all this confusion in my mind. I don't know if anyone else would understand me except you all. So bear with me. Before November 13th, I was a very strong confident girl. Introvert, but extemely talkative near my closest people. I was always good at studies and so I got many good job offers but I rejected them all because I wanted to be something else. I wanted to be a Public Relations Officer, which is one of the best way, in my opinion, to help the society. It's among the most stressful jobs but it gives you the opportunity to work for the poorest of the poor. And it has the toughest entrance exam in my country, even considered among the toughest in the world. But with my life,my love by my side, I thought I could really do it. 1 month has passed.. I have not touched my books, I haven't seen any friends, I haven't stepped out of the main door of my house, I haven't switched on my T.V, the last newspaper I read was of the day he passed which had his news in it..it's like my life is in a pause mode. I don't want to stop thinking about him even for a second. That confident girl in me.. She's gone. I feel so weak now. Like I'm the weakest girl of the world. I had so many dreams. My parents have so much expectations from me. Honestly I feel I am not capable of fulfilling anything of it now. I know I have to live this life. I can't just sit here like this all my life. I am 22. And it's not that I am real rich that I can afford to be like this. But I don't know how. Where to start from? What if in the middle of all this I forget my sweetheart? I don't want to forget him even for a second. I am so confused. His transition has left so much emptiness in my life. Now, What next? To sink or sail? To rise or fall? Or to silently wait for my call? Amalgam of paradox. And I don't know, What next? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 13, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 13, 2016 If you had just experienced extreme brain trauma, your parents would not have expectation for you, they would rally around you and help you survive with baby steps, little by little. Yet this is how grief is, it shakes us to the very core of our being, it reduces us to our simplest form. We have to start over, essentially. And it takes giving ourselves care, being patient and understanding of ourselves, doing what needs to be done for ourselves, whether it's taking a pause from life or pushing ourselves to go on. But we have to take time to grieve. We have to pay attention to our inner selves. None of us can tell you how to proceed, but I think you will know if you really listen to your inner self. Now may not be the time to push yourself but that doesn't mean that dream has to be gone. Perhaps you can do what you need to do to get by in the meantime and let those goals be for a tomorrow when you are more ready. I know you are in India, do you have professional grief counselors there? If so, I'd see one, they can help you know where to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted December 13, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2016 Sadaf----You express so beautifully what is in your heart. Go for your dream job as a Public Relations Officer. Helping society with the poor would give you a purpose, a wonderful way of honoring your loved one. He would be so proud of you for honoring your love for him and his life in that way. He'll be walking by your side everyday. Yes, you are in limbo right now. I'm still there myself, but I am in my late 50's and I have not been on my own for at least 35 years. I'm having to make a lot of adjustments which has me feeling stuck all the more. Every day I get through is an accomplishment.I keep my faith in God that he will guide me and I feel that my husband is guiding me also, watching over me. I have to believe all of that to keep me going. You feel the girl you used to be is gone now---you are right, but you have the chance to be a different girl, even more stronger and confident. The loss of your love and this journey of grief will help you become even stronger.Ask yourself, if you were the one in Heaven, what would you want for your sweetheart? You would want him to fulfill his dreams and live his life honoring you with the shared love and memories. Take baby steps, go back to your studies, even if it's a course or two at a time. It'll help to keep you busy and give you something to focus on which will help you to heal. When I was your age, I had already given up college after 2 years. I could not handle the higher math and chemistry and I couldn't afford to switch to anything else. I was already in debt with a student loan. I got married to the wrong person and was raising a child at 22. Not the life I had planned for myself. You will never forget your sweetheart, his love and memories will always be in your heart and you will carry him with you through life. Hugs to you, Sadaf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisLioness Posted December 13, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2016 10 hours ago, Sadaf Nazim said: What if in the middle of all this I forget my sweetheart? That isn't going to happen. Love is too strong of a force to be dissolved by time and distance. There will never be a moment that passes where I don't think of my husband and how much I love him. In my stronger moments I feel an overwhelming compulsion to make him so proud of me that when I finally get to see him again he'll just wrap me in the biggest bear hug and be so happy I kept my promises to him. It hurts like nothing else in this world and just typing this has me in tears again, but without a doubt in my mind I know that we have to live for them and make them proud of us. I want my husband to be sitting up there with everyone we've lost saying "Yep, that's my wife! I can't wait to see her and tell her how proud of her I am!" I can't live with disappointing my baby so I'm gonna force myself to make him proud even if it kills me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted December 13, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2016 HisLioness---I'm proud of you for looking at your loss with this perception---it is a great vision to picture our loved ones in Heaven cheering us on, encouraging us to live our life for them and ourselves! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sadaf Nazim Posted December 13, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 13, 2016 KayC Thank you so much for your advice. I'll try to see a counsellor. Sometimes taking a pause, sometimes pushing myself.. And the rest of the times talking to the wonderful people on this forum... Yes we all will go on. Together. Kmb I will take baby steps from tomorrow. Little by little. Since he is gone now, I have only two purposes left- to love him till my last breath just the way he did and to and to be of some help for maximum number of persons I can. Thank you so much. Hislioness I can't even tell how much your words inspired me today. I would also want my love to be cheering up from heaven. He should be saying my girl did what no one could do. Yes! And I can't forget him ever. It's just a trick my mind is playing to mess me up. How can I forget him? I was with him for last 14 years. The last memory of my childhood that I can remember is with him. He was and will always be my best friend and my love. And probably my husband in heaven. Thank you all.. Love and hugs to everyone. And I wonder.. Why are these boys so lucky? Damn. They don't have to go through what we ladies are dealing with right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 14, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 14, 2016 I do picture them cheering us on too. When I lost my job after George died I had six months to find another one or lose my home, it was the beginning of the recession and I was in my 50s...they want younger people with degrees to do what I've done the last 45 years without one. I tried my best not to get discouraged and when I went in for interviews, I carried him with me, he was my comfort and encouragement. One interview I went to, the lady had lost her husband too and she talked with me about it. She wanted to hire me but a young person they hired overrode her. But yes, I did get a job, two weeks before unemployment ran out. So many times over the years, I've felt George's encouragement...three times when I lost my job, when I went through surgery all alone, when I broke my right arm, etc. He was always there, and I'm sure he was wishing he could do things for me physically, that's just how he was. Never worry about forgetting them...it won't happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sadaf Nazim Posted December 14, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 14, 2016 Oh kayC ..you had to deal with so much in life. I am so sorry. I wish I lived somewhere near you, then we could be together at times like these. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted December 15, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 15, 2016 KayC, you mentioned going through surgery alone. That is one of the things we now face - doing fun things and scary things, alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.