Lost my husband and soul mate

[Infinity03]

I lost my husband and soul mate suddenly in a car accident on Nov. 28th of this year. We met when I was 14 and married when I was 16. We were married for 13 years and had 2 beautiful little boys together. They're 12 and 10 now. We were a very close family. We did absolutely everything together and I mean everything. My husband and I were fortunate enough to spend almost every waking moment together and never got tired of each other. I was always excited to see him and talk to him. I was always wrapped in his arms or holding his hands. I just don't know how to live or function without him. This terrifies me because like I said we have 2 boys together. I know I have to be strong for them and keep it together, but this is the hardest, most painful thing I've ever even imagined. Please tell me how to make this pain even a little better. I'm so lost now and no one seems to be able to relate or understand. 

[KMB]

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand completely how devastating and shocking it is to lose a soulmate  for you and your children. We never expect bad things to happen when things are going well. Try to keep a support system of family and friends around you. Keep interacting and being in tune with your children. Locate family grief counseling or family oriented grief support group. You and your children will need all the love and support you can have access to, especially with the Christmas holiday coming soon.

I'm sorry, but there is nothing to take away the pain of loss. It will lessen over time. It will be hard with a lot of adjustments I know. Just breathe, take it one day at a time. Take care of yourself and your children. Take the love of your husband, memories, and pour it into you and the children, your husband would want you to do that. Prayers and hugs to all of you.

[Chasisdope]

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't begin to imagine the pain you are going through. You'll always have the boys to turn to for comfort and them vice versa. I only had my three year old little girl to hug when I wanted to feel a part of him. I also don't understand why but I just know that it did happen. It's an unbearable ache having to look at photos, videos, etc. that will fill you with memories. Some where along the way those memories will bring a smile upon your face as it did mine. I still cry and laugh at the same time when I go through our videos and hear my husband's voice. When my husband passed away that was the first time in my life I ever cried in front of my family. I never let anyone see me like that but when that happened, I blocked everything out and just let it all out.

[KayC]

I am sorry you lost your husband, and your kids their father.  As KMB said, there's no cure for the pain but to go straight through it.  I don't want to leave you without hope though...it's been 11 1/2 years for me.  In the beginning, I didn't want to live, but I do want to assure you that it won't stay in this level of intensity, you will gradually adjust and learn to cope with all that this loss means to you and your boys.  It will not be easy, this is the hardest journey of your life and it will require more effort from you than you've ever had to put in.  But you will make it.  
There are things you can do to help yourself on this journey.  Take good care of yourself, be patient and understanding of yourself as you would someone you love.  It will be important for you to love yourself because you no longer have him to do that for you...he still loves you but he won't be able to show it in ways that you are used to.  It will be important to eat healthy and drink plenty of water and take walks...it gives your body the optimal chance of getting through this in the best way possible.  I know, I've said that before here, but it's true.  It's easy to not care about yourself or stay in bed all day and pull the covers over your head...that's how we all feel, but that's not what will help.  It's okay to do that once in a while, but not everyday, and especially not with children to take care of.  If you have a dad or brother or good friend that can help be good role models for your boys at this impressionable age, that would help too.  If not, maybe someone in your church, you could talk to your pastor about it.  It'll be important to talk to a grief counselor.  
There are children's books designed to help with grief, even for adults...your kids are old enough they may not like to think of themselves as kids, but you might take a look at them and see if you think it might help, you know your kids better than anyone does.
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2011/11/using-childrens-books-to-help-with.html
Some of them are for dealing with loss of pet, but not all of them.  Make sure to see the links at the end, they'll lead to more resources available.

You also might consider a grief support group.  
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html
http://ezinearticles.com/?Youve-Got-the-Power-How-to-Know-If-You-Are-Doing-Your-Grief-Work&id=9047323
 

[Sadaf Nazim]

I am sorry for you. I guess November was a bad month. I lost my love on 13 November this year. I don't know how I have survived for 1 whole month without him. The pain doesn't get any better, we only learn to live with this pain. For me it's even getting worse. With Every passing day, I want him even more. 

[KayC]

Sadaf,

It seems worse because the shock and numbness begin to wear off little by little and as reality begins to gradually seep in, we experience myriads of other losses with it.  Loss of traditions and routines we did together.  Loss of dreams.  Loss of the person that appreciated you as a woman or man.  Loss of the things the other person did for you.  And when you're married, loss of financial contribution.  Loss of the person you ran things by and talked things over with.  Etc. etc.  

When we're used to a phone call a certain time of day, that time of day becomes a real trigger, until you get used to it and your routine is changed, and that takes a long while.  We spent our work weeks focusing on work and our weekends totally focused on each other, so when the weekend came it was very very hard for me...it's taken a long long time to form different routines and get used to being alone.  As used to it as one can anyway.

[GinaN]

I am so sorry for your loss. Our circumstances are very similar, and I've been going through the hell you're going through for 3 months longer. Very happily married for 12 years until that awful, horrible, cruel night my husband died of an aortic dissection right before my eyes. We had been laughing and joking around just seconds before and had a beautiful happy marriage just like you did. I also have two young boys ages 8 and 11, one with special needs and it's a double hit having to go through this and having to watch them go through it too. 

It's true no one can imagine how this feels unless they've gone through it. The first month was absolute hell. I wanted to die every second. I cried almost constantly. Lost a bunch of weight. The emotional pain was unbearable. I could not imagine anything getting better at all ever. In some ways it has gotten somewhat easier though. I can function better and do what needs to get done. I still cry every single day, multiple times a day, and I hurt so much still, but that awful pain that makes you wish for death and comes in waves, those waves are spaced a little farther apart than they were in the beginning and only time does that. For now, just try to get through the day. One day at a time.