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lost my daughter to drugs


Casey's Mom

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October 25th I lost my daughter to drugs (opiods). I feel guilty because she was living with me and then I couldn't continue living the way we were so I had her removed from my house. She was on her own (32 yrs old) and ended up in a sober living house (but really wasn't sober). I tell myself if I just let her stay home, she would still be here. This is so hard to reconcile. 

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So sorry for your loss. I know your pain. Don't blame yourself too much, you can't control everything.

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Mermaid Tears

Casey's Mom...and other parents on this site....I normally post on 'Loss of Adult Child'...I have a limited amount of time now and it is easier to keep up with the postings on just one site...please go there and you will find many active..and grieving parents...to help you walk this dark grief journey...if you don't want to..that is ok, too. My heart breaks reading the postings from the parents on this site....drug overdose is rampant now....it must be like watching your child slowly fall off a high cliff...and your strong arms can't catch them...your feet cannot run fast enough. All parents wish they could have 'been there'....could have stopped the car...taken the bullet...healed the terminal illness. I think it is normal to feel guilt and regret...with the new grief but then...a parent will come to their senses and know...they simply could not. The shock suit will fit very tight in the first couple of years...that is when all the 'coulda - woulda- shoulda' thoughts bubble up. This kind of grief is very dark and heavy. Please 'self care'....be very kind and gentle to yourself.

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TearsInHeaven

Casey- go to the topic Loss of a Child. Click that.  You will see pinned at the top Loss of an Adult Child

Loss of a Child

Grief support groups for coping with loss of a child, online bereavement forums offering help with grieving the death of children, son or daughter.

 

By momofJustin, January 2, 2005

If you click on the last page--2349-- you will be in the active posts.  For some reason these pages run backwards.  If you post later just click on the last page.

You will see the last person that posted on the right.

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This is where there is the most activity from parents like you who have lost a child.  Sad that circumstances have you here but we welcome you and will offer as Susan (Mermaid Tears) posted to you above. 

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Mermaid Tears

thank you, Dianne..I so want to reach out to all parents that find themselves on this dark grief journey...it we could have all on one site..it is easier for us to read their stories and let them know they are not alone....

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TearsInHeaven

Susan, yes I understand that. It is good if everyone posts on the same forum. I hope Casey can come to Loss of an Adult Child.  There are so many to encircle her.

Hoping all can find there way through--Laytonsmom,JBMom, jerry'smom,Robert'smom. Tommy's mum, Alina's Mom and any others I may have missed.

 

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Mermaid Tears

When They Die: The Scream of Their Absence

You wake up. You force yourself out of bed to face the day. You go downstairs, hunched over and desperate to remove the machete that seems to be lodged in your heart.

You make your coffee. You say hello to your baby boy. When you've managed to get your clothes on and collect enough courage to walk out the door, you see it. His favorite coffee mug. Her precious scarf. That ridiculous set of DVDs he never got rid of, even though he never watched them.

Or the memories attack you out of nowhere: her laughter is vivid, as if she's right in front of you. Or his touch has so infiltrated your mind that you can't believe you're merely imagining him. 

Then the bricks are showered down upon you. It begins to sink in, and there's no escaping it.

They're not here. And they're not coming back.

If this is your first holiday without a loved one, you may feel crippled with a debilitating pain that you can't quite articulate. It's both a physical and a psychological pain, and it feels more vivid and real than reality itself.

Despite everyone telling you how frantic things are this time of year, the grieving person faces a different experience of time: as the world goes by, time stops and refuses to move. It's like being caught in a vortex of pain, utterly trapped. You're not getting out of this one. You might as well be finished. Plain and simple. 

I've experienced the first time too many times now. Every time it was a **** storm of confusion and pain and longing and oh-dear-god-how-the-hell-did-this-happen. It didn't get easier. Every experience was like having an artery punctured and being left for dead. Only I didn't die. The bleeding just kept on coming. 

At the same time, there was one overwhelming experience that was always present with every loss: I became consumed with a surge of love so strong it nearly wrecked me. This was an aching love, the kind of love that rushes up throughout you, desperate to burst. Its intensity shatters you to your core, because you can't give this love anymore. Your loved one isn't there to receive it. The greatest gift in your being doesn't have a home, leaving this love to collapse inside of you with nowhere to go. 

This is the kind of love that doesn't feel good at all, but is necessary for your survival.

If this is your first holiday season without a loved one, you are probably experiencing your own version of this. This is anything but easy. It doesn't feel like there's anything to learn, you may have no sense of redemption, and no matter how grateful you may feel for the time you had with them, you're pissed. You want them back. And you have every right to.

I could give you all kinds of advice for how to deal with this, but that wouldn't serve you nearly as well as one simple request: as you feel your agony, your horror and your unbearable exhaustion, I ask only one thing: I beseech you to love, and love completely. 

I'm not talking about the airy-fairly, pseudo-spiritual "love" that's based on consumerist notions of feeling good, I'm talking about the kind of love that's borne of our refusal to bow down to apathy and hate. The kind that's fucking resilient, that takes a stand for what's right, and demands that you take care of yourself precisely when you want to throw in the towel and die. 

This is the kind of love that moves you to wrap your arms around your daughter, even though your son is no longer here and your physical faculties are numb.

This is the kind of love that compels you to reach out to your friend who's just been cheated on, even though you're in the middle of your own divorce and feel abandoned by the world.

And this is the kind of love that isn't based upon how you feel, but upon honoring your loved one's memories with every fiber of your being. 

It's time to practice radical gentleness. Gentleness is usually conflated with weakness, but that's a huge mistake. Gentleness is perhaps the purest expression of vulnerability. I'm not talking about taking a bubble bath and drinking tea and lighting candles while you treat yourself to a massage. Those activities have their place, but they merely treat the symptoms of our pain. We must submerge ourselves below the symptoms, reaching to see the part of ourselves that we don't want to face.

I'm talking about experiencing gentleness as an annihilation: a giant **** you to the regret, the self-hatred, the internal loathing, the seemingly impenetrable shame. This can only be accomplished with gentleness. Active gentleness. With yourself and with those are still with you. 

As their absence screams inside of you, meet those wails with the most urgent love you can muster. 

There are few things in this life more brave.

 
 
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Thank you for sharing this with me. It's only been two months and this is a difficult Christmas for me. I am thankful that I will be spending it with my son and his family. I've lost other family members, but losing my daughter is by far the most painful. 

 

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Mermaid Tears

Casey's Mom.....what I have learned...is that only a parent that has lost a child can fully comprehend this kind of grief...we are here to hear you. We can be here for each other on this dark grief journey. Grief is exhausting. Grief is also have heavy. Please 'self care' and be very gentle and kind to yourself and others...don't expect too much from yourself...or siblings. Let us hear from you. Blessings and prayers to you.

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mermaidtears your words are so powerful. This year i officially hate xmas. Last year I was too unwell and medicated to remember it. This year I just cant deal with it. If my kids were not coming down i would not have decorated but they put some up and put lights on thr tree but could not face decorating it. It looks so bare but i just cant do it the decorations are all memories of our lives some of them home made ornaments when they were kids. Normally its our fave part of the holiday but it hurts too much this year. I put on xmas music but could not sing along, wrapped presents with ice in my heart and made treats that i could not taste. Alcohol is the only thing that soothes me i rarely drink but at the holidays i do. Not a lot just a couple. Got no energy no heart for anything at least the kids have had their xmas here now and are on the way to their dad so ill spend it with my parents sister and nephew and just get through it.

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