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isaac96

I lost my brother to suicide

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isaac96   

This is the first i have reached out to any support group but ill try my best.

I lost my older brother to suicide 3 months ago on Sunday. He was 4 years older than me and was 23. I always looked up to him and he was the strongest person i knew. he had the biggest heart in the world and he would do anything for anyone often putting others before himself. Sadly i didn't get to see him much the past few years as he joined the army when i was in high school and i did a terrible job of trying to keep in touch with him. He was never the type of person to call people and i wish i had got to talk to him more. 

I think about him every day and some days are okay. But other days are just terrible and i have no motivation. Ill lay in bed for hours doing nothing and sometimes the only thing that makes me get is having to be at work. 

Its been especially hard lately with the holidays as that was the time of year I usually got to see him. I'm going to visit the cemetery tomorrow for the first time since the funeral and I'm not really sure what to do or how to feel about it as I've never visited anyone in a cemetery.

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I am so very sorry about the loss of your brother. Do you have others to lean on for support? Do you have anyone to talk to? We all wish we had spent more time with those we lose, but well, we don't. It's okay. They still love us, and they know we love them. 

How was your visit to the cemetery? What did you feel? What were you thinking? How did you react? 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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I was in a similar situation as you. I lost my older brother to suicide as well last year. He was 27 while I was 23. There's not a day I do not think about him, and I miss him always. I try to remember the good memories with him. It's helped me to trust in God through these difficult situations, and not to think too deeply about the situation. But grieving takes time that's for sure. 

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reader   

Dear Isaac,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences and sympathies on the loss of your beloved brother. I know its very tough.

Please know we are all here to listen and support you in anyway we can.

Thinking of you.

 

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NicoleC   

Hi 

I need to talk to someone that understands what it feels like I just losses my little brother on Friday he is 31 I can't even get myself to talk about him in the passed tense, I feel so guilty and it's killing me I was his big sister I should have saved him. I was mean to him sometimes and didn't tell him enough how much I loved him. Maybe if I did he would still be here. Because he must have felt so alone that he would take his own live. Wish he could come back I don't want it to be real 

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  Nicole C  I also lost my brother to suicide it hurts alot and it will take time to heal he's been gone 5 months and I miss him everyday there are no great answers and it's nothing you did or said or didn't say I was told this is normal I'm not sure i like normal but I feel your pain.  It is called a hole in your heart a big one and it will take alot of time to heal i'm so sorry for your pain I do know how it feels please know thses people here have been there and they are here for you and for me .

 

Pryers

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Nikkid   

Hello I lost my brother to a possible suicide,(still in investigation) he was my everything. I am completely heartbroken. Prayer is the only way to get through this. 

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Dhales78   

You cannot think about the things you didn't do. You can't think about the what ifs. Your brother knew you loved him. More often than not people that commit suicide have menatal health and/or substance abuse issues. When someone chooses suicide, they are in so much pain they can't think of anything else but getting the pain to stop.

He didn't choose suicide to leave you or because you didn't love him enough. He chose suicude because he feared the thought of life far more than he feared the thought of death, and he just wanted the pain to end.

You don't know how many times the thought of you gave him the strength to live to fight one more day. You don't know how many times a call from you changed his mind and gave him another hour to live. You will never know how much you being there for him and loving him changed his life.

You now have to relase him and yourself by forgiving him for leaving you and forgive yourself for any unfinished business you had with him, and anything you blame yourself for. You need to journal about your feelings and let them out. You need to talk to a professional counselor and you need to lean on the support system you have. 

You cannot go back to the what ifs or if onlys. Your brother loved you, but he was in so much pain he couldn't see past it, to a way out. The final thing that he's asking you to do is to understand that he didn't do this to you or because of you or what you did and didn't do. He did this because he believed he wasn't strong enough to fight the pain anymore.

I am sure he had a battle with that pain for a long time. Pain waged war on him, and he fought long and hard. He is no longer in pain, and he needs you to forgive him and understand that you must forgive yourself. 

Give yourself time to grieve. You have lost greatly. He will no longer physically be in your life. There is a hole there that won't ever be replaced, but you can learn to live with. I think it's a lot like losing a limb. You can live without it, but it's going to be an adjustment. You have to get used to doing things differently. 

Grief comes in waves, and you may neber truly be done with it. But the waves are not as strong with time. Every single wave doesn't knock you to the ground and pull you under water like an undertow, like it does right now. Sometimes a wave will hit and you'll stay standing. Sometimes a wave will hit and knock you down,  but you'll get right back up again. Other times it might be like the undertow again, but those will stretch farther and farther apart. Hang in there. You're not alone. 

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