Members freddylea Posted December 27, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2009 I don't know where to start. I received a call on December 23rd at 5pm from David my stepfather. He came home and my mom was laying next to the bed. He called 911 and then me. She was already gone before he got home. He had talked to her at 4:15 and she was doing fine. I left the house in a panic. And called Danyeal to tell her and pick her up on the way out. She called her mom to come get our kid and be with him while we went up. It was the longest and hardest drive I have ever made. Knowing my mom was gone. It still hurts so much right now.The past days seem to have blurred together. And i know it is only going to get worse for a while. We got up there that evening and all i could do for a while was walk around the house, everywhere in there i saw nothing but memory's of my mom. Things i knew she enjoyed having around her, seeing things that i remember helping her get. or stuff that David had bought for her that made her so happy to have. She loved her doll collection, and her TY babies. Also her Coke collection.i do not think any of us slept more then 30 min that night. i know i got up several times just to walk though the house, to sit in my mom's chair ... i found the grocery list she had made for her and david to go to the store when he got home that evening, she had even included black olives on there. because garrett was coming up there to stay with them after christmas. the next morning we went to the funeral home to make final arrangements. My mom always told us she wanted to be cremated and to have her ashes spread out on her rose bed at the house ... so that is what will be done. i will be bringing some of her to monroe though, to also let some of her be with my Bubu at his final resting place. i got to go in and see her one last time ... i miss her so much ...we came back to monroe later on that day to pick up garrett (and so that danyeal and garrett could do christmas at her moms house) ... while they were doing that i went to St. Pauls for their candle light service ... my mom always thought of that place as our home. because that is where her parents were founding members of. i met up with my god mother, Carolyn Trawick. and sat with her. the next morning we went up early to spend the day with david on Christmas. most of the time for the first few hours i could not stop crying, seeing the gifts she had bought, and seeing the gifts that she wanted but would never get to have. i opened up the gift that we had gotten for her ... a miniature coke lunch box ... and put it up on the shelf with her other coke stuff ... where i know she would have placed it. i cried the most when i emptied my stocking ... one that she had made for me when i was barely 2 years old. in it she had a sonic gift card (she always gave me some sort of food card) with a note attached to it apologizing because she could not give any more. i never wanted her to give me anything. but she always insisted. and now it seems trivial. a little later on i used my cell phone to record her voice off of the answering machine. so i would have it to remember her with later on... i got a surprise that made me cry again, she had just updated the message to wish everyone a merry Christmas. it felt like she was talking straight to me. David also told me that he was not taking his wedding ring off, and said that he is still married. Only now he is married to an Angel. we have left garrett up there to spend the week with david and let him have someone to talk to.. i know it is hard for everyone right now, but i can not help but worry about david. i do not know what i am going to do ... she is gone, she has moved on ... but i miss her and love her so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members socal2010 Posted December 27, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2009 I'm so sorry about the loss of your sweet Mom. I lost mine suddenly too about 5 months ago. I know how hard it is. Was your Mom ill at all? I hope you find comfort in knowing that she passed way at home. I wish my Mom would have been home but I guess some things happen for a reason. I'm sending my thoughts your way. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members freddylea Posted December 27, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2009 my mom had been sick off and on for her whole life ... but about 8 years ago we convinced her to go through the adult detox program (doctors had over medicated her) .. she was changed after that ... no longer using oxygen tanks, or having to use a wheelchair at all ... she had even started driving again (i bought her a 1974 vw bug to drive... she always loved those cars.... i have to bring it to my house soon) i had even helped her with her diet, to get her diabetees under control and she started loosing weight as well (at a safe level, i had talked with her new doc about it before hand) she was so happy to be in the 150 range for her weight, (she was 4' 10.5" tall as she always put it .. that extra .5 counted to) she had always weight over 200lbs ever since about the 8th grade. in October her and my step-father were in a car wreck.. someone hit the side of his truck at an intersection (other person ran red light and hit them) ... she had been having headaches after that ... i do not know if that is what caused her to go ... my step-father thinks it was a heart attack. i am not sure but i do not want to say anything else that it may have been to him and make him upset thinking he could have done something to help prevent it from happening ... this is the second death for me during this time of the year ... my brothers wife passed away and was buried on Dec 24th 1990, my brother killed himself on May 4th 1991. and my mom always blamed herself for that happening ... we were so close, i would talk to or email her on almost a daily basis ... the last time i talked to her was on Dec 22nd .. she called to tell me something my stepfather wanted for christmas so i could try to find it ... i hate myself for not having called her yet on the 23rd ... i was going to call her when i got home but it was to late then ... everyone is calling and stopping by my house or my step-fathers house (we left our boy with him to spend some time together so he would not be alone) ... i do not know how to respond when people ask me if there is anything they can do ... yes there is .. bring me my mom back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angel44 Posted December 27, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2009 i am so very sorry - i know your pain i lost mine in june 07 - i still hurt very much to see her and to just sit down and chat with her like we used to do. i miss seeing her eyes light up when ever i entered the room no matter how sick she was. she had a smile in her eyes like i have never seen in any ones else eyes before or since. it does hurt so bad i know. i wish i had a magical way to fix it but i dont you just take it day by day. hour by hour. i remember when mine first died thats how i lived thru it was hour by hour day by day.hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members freddylea Posted December 29, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted December 29, 2009 these past couple of days leading up to her memorial service have been mixed ... i have done a lot of crying and talking and exploring ... all i can say i have discovered is that i love her, and i will miss her forever ... and there is going to be an empty hole in my chest till the day i die ... because there is nothing or no one out there that can replace the bond and relationship that i had with her ... it is one day at a time for sure right now ... the drives to work in the morning are real hard, because i always tried to call her in the morning time while on the road ... and if i didn't talk to her then i tried to call on the way home again ... at night time it is even worse .. because then i am just filled with emotions ... i know i should just accept and move on but dammit ... it just isn't fair ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members agnaq111809 Posted December 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 My deepest condolensces to you and your family. I am still crying over my momma, who left us last month from lung cancer. I notice that I call her 'momma' now. I am 57 and have grandchildren. I miss her very much. I find crying really loud by myself, whether in a car ride or by her graveside, really releases my pend-up emotion. Take care of yourself and be good to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members butterfly13 Posted December 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 I am very sorry for your loss.I too,talked to my mom first thing in the morning,and last thing at night.She was my best friend.It has been 1yr.and 6months since she died and I don't think I have yet to get through one day without tears,it seems like the more time that goes by,the more I miss her.I still find myself sometimes reaching for the phone to call her to tell her something,it was such an automatic thing I did for so many yrs.I honestly don't know how I will get through the rest of my life without ever talking to her again:? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members agnaq111809 Posted December 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 I believe that I'll always talk to my momma, whether it's in my head or by myself out loud. At least for now, I need to. Maybe I'll do it forever and that's o.k. with me. We'll always have good memories. During the first week of her passing, I noticed that all I wanted to remember her by was when did she and I had laughed together, even if it was over a little funny thing or joke. Last night was one of the most difficult nights for me and I don't really know why. The only thing I can think of is that the New Year's Eve and New Year is coming. Even though she used to go to sleep real early, I always knew she would answer the phone when we called to wish her Happy New Year at midnight. She loved watching the fireworks. Yep, I miss her already and feel like I want to sleep through instead. But one's got to do what one's got to do and I'll tell her about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovedones Posted January 6, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on Jan 1st. My dad passed 3yrs ago. I talk to dad all the time. Now I talk to both of them. I find comfort in talking to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jcintx Posted January 18, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 I am so sorry. What a loving message. Your mom was truly blessed to be loved so much and you were blessed to have her. My mother passed away on Dec 16 in ICU. I wasn't there and I will always hate myself for that. I loved her more than life so I know your pain. I cry ever day but I just try to thank God for the time I had with her, all 52 years of my life. (She had just turned 80.) I believe in eternal life with the Lord so being reunited with her is what I am living for now. May God bless you and comfort you somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fayesgirl Posted January 25, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know it will be hard. Daddy has been gone for 10 weeks now. My mom is not doing well at all. Lost without him. I talk to him everymorning and I am sure you do the same. Memories will grow and always be there to carry you though the hard times. The sun will shine because she is now an Angel walking on gold streets covered in areas of Rose beds and flowers. I will plant a rose bush in your family memory and in hope to find you some comfort in days and nights to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Kelly Posted August 8, 2010 Administrators Report Share Posted August 8, 2010 Dear Members,We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden, but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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