Help with Eulogy speech for wife

[KC81]

Hi everyone.

My wife's funeral is tomorrow and I've been having a hard time sitting down to put together sentences.
It's a painful process for me right now, but I know she deserve something heartfelt, genuine, and encompassing of her beautiful life

My wife was 32 years old, we've been together for 6 years and have a 3 month old baby.  

Should I address the eulogy to her as if I'm speaking to her?  Or should I talk about her in a third person point of view?
Or can I do both?

Any other advice please kindly share...Thank you.

I have a back-up person to say the words for me if I get too overwhelmed

[KMB]

My heart goes out to you, such a painful ordeal. Personally, when a person goes to Heaven, I feel that the end of life matters should not have to be dealt with immediately and crammed into a few days time. I feel that those of us left here should be given more time to process what has happened. To be given time to get through the initial shock because the body and mind are not fully functioning.

I don't know what your belief system is---but I believe your wife will be there in spirit. Just let your heart, love and memories guide your hand and pen and speak as if you could see her in front of you. That is a good idea to have a back-up person for you.

Prayers and hugs----

[KC81]

Thank you KMB for your kindness.

It's been almost 6 weeks since she passed, and almost 3 weeks since she was found.
I've been partially grieving for the first 3 weeks before fully grieving for the last 3 weeks.

I've experienced signs that I couldn't explain medically other than they were signals from her, as we made a pact over a year ago to send sign of existence of after-life if/when one of us dies first.  Also my family closest to her also had vision and even clairvoyant dream.  The baby would stare at her usual location and smile brilliantly from time to time..

I believe her soul goes on, to a good place (heaven, nirvana, a dimension of eternal peace & happiness), and that she checks up on us and watches over our baby regularly.

I believe her spirit will be with us right there when I give the speech.  I'll let my heart, love, and memories guide my thoughts as if she's right in front of me..

This is hard but necessary for me to do..

I'll write most of the speech as first-person talking to my wife..

Thank you KMB..

[KMB]

Your welcome. I try to give comfort on here when I can to others. It's been helping me to give back in whatever way I can. I lost my husband over 3  months ago. This journey of grieving is so unbearable and I believe my husband is proud of me for putting in some time on focusing on others. We both were of service to others when he was here, right into his last week here. I'm trying to continue that legacy.

Because of the shared beliefs between you and your wife, the love bond will continue, it never dies.

[KC81]

Thank you KMB for being here, it means a LOT to me.
Your husband MUST be proud of you.

One day I'll be helping out here too, and to make sure my wife's legacy continues, by spreading more awareness to post-partum depression and suicide prevention.
For now I'm going to sleep (it's 2AM here), and get ready to give my ever beloved wife an elegant, proper send-off later today.

I'll be connecting to people who experienced similar situations in my city (one person already reached out to me).

I'll also be actively joining grief counseling and support groups starting later this week, in addition to psychologist sessions.

I'm certain the love bond between my wife, I, and our son will transcend dimensions, and will never die. 

I was given this poem today by a spiritual counselor of mine, and I find this beautiful and elevating.
I Am a Thousand Winds (Voice by Hayley Westenra)

 

 

[Nobody1]

Dear KC81, I have not posted here in a while but I still come here every day and read. When I saw the poem, I cried. It was the poem I picked to be printed on the cards for my husband's funeral. I had not thought of those words since that day. I remember why I chose them. It was what I wanted to believe while standing at his grave at the cemetery. Today will be a difficult day for you. Probably the most difficult day of your life. But you and all of us here are stronger than we think we are. Stronger than we ever thought we could be. You will get through today and you will make your wife and son proud. If the tears prevent the words from coming, just take a moment and tell yourself "I can do this! I'm stronger than I think". I will be thinking of you today.

[KMB]

KC81--Prayers out to you that you will have the strength to honor your wife today. The poem is beautifully spiritual. It is admirable that you will be reaching out to support others who are dealing with post-partum depression and suicide. The world needs more awareness of these issues and more access for getting the proper help. It must have given you confidence and touched your heart when someone already reached out to you. Good for you for seeking out grief support and counseling, those of us on our healing journeys need all the help and support we can get. Loss, emotions, the pain, are so hard to deal with alone. Your baby carries her legacy. You will raise your baby the way your wife would want you to. With all the love and memories of her.

What has helped me is a book, *Looking into the Windows of Heaven*. It is written by a medium who spends her life making connections/evidencetial validation for people who have loved ones in Heaven.  Heaven is all around us, actually 3 feet above our floor. It's a different dimension than earth, but very much here. Your wife is always around you, watching, guiding and leaving signs to let you know she loves you and your baby. She hears you when you talk of her, to her and sees what is always going on. Granted, physical loss of a loved one is still painful, will be for a very long time. But we will survive, we have no choice.

You will manage to get through this tough day ---you'll manage with strength and the love of your wife for she will be there having much pride in you!

[Janice 252]

Just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you today. Your love for your wife shines out through your words. She will be very proud of you. The days ahead will he hard but your baby will give you strength.  There are lots of good people on this site. They have helped me and they will help you.  Sending prayers x

[KayC]

KCB,

I just saw your post, I'm sorry to respond so late.  I don't think it matters whether it's in first person or third, present tense or past, people will understand the gist of what you're saying and the meaning will not be lost.  I hope you found strength and comfort as you went through it.

I have that same poem on my wall, my sister gave it to me when my George died.

 

[KC81]

Thank you everyone.

We had our first snow this year yesterday, the biggest snowfall in many years, the day of her funeral.
The pristine snowscape was an amazingly beautiful backdrop to the funeral.
White was her color.  The whole theme of our home is white.
I'm sure She saw how sweetly our son smiled when a snowflake fell upon his cheek for the very first time.

I managed to go through the entire speech of 20 minutes, with a few breaks to hold my buddy's hand for support.

I'll share with you the final portion of my eulogy speech (pg 6-7):

Flo, the journey with you in this lifetime had been amazing and filled with endless joy and unforgettable moments.  Most of the best memories of my life are of times spent with you. Thank you for always being there for me, offering me love, strength and comfort. Thank you for always looking out for my best interest and my health.  

Thank you for experiencing together all the pleasures life has offered us.  

Thank you for sharing your vitality and boundless energy with me.  

Thank you for giving me (our son) and your unsurpassed dedication to him.  

Thank you for being the best girlfriend, wife and mother imaginable.

 

[Promises]

You promised to keep our marriage strong and positive.  

Yes, you did.

 

You promised to encourage and support me, to honor and respect me, and to laugh with me.  

Yes, you did.

 

You promised to believe in me and cherish my health, heart and soul.  

Yes, you did.

 

You promised to work by my side to create a wonderful life together and a home filled with love and laughter.  

Yes, you did.

 

You promised to be my partner in adventure and misadventure, in sickness and in health, learning and growing together, no matter what lies before us.  

Yes, you did.

 

You promised to care for me, nurture me, and be true and faithful forever.  

Yes, you did.

 

You fulfilled all those promises every single day.

 

You were, and always will be my companion through all of time and space.

 

I promise that (our son) will know you; all of your beauty, grace, creativity, and dedication.

 

I promise you to give (our son) my deepest love, my fullest devotion, and my tenderest care, through the pressures of the present, and the uncertainties of the future.

 

I promise you to love (our son), commit to him, and support him. I promise to fight for the fulfillment of his endeavors, and to give him strength for all of his dreams.

 

I promise to live life to the fullest, and continue to be the positive and humorous (man) that you know and love.  Difficult as it may be, the smile that you love will reappear on my face.

 

[See you later]

 

Flo, you have my eternal gratitude.

 

I remember you telling me to repeat after you many many times early in our relationship, that Life is 10% what happens to you, and Life is 90% attitude.  I will carry on living the rest of my life with the positive attitude that you embrace.  I will continue your legacy.  I will tell your story and champion your cause.  Flo, you will continue to save many lives even when you’re not physically here.  I will do the same, to the best of my abilities.

 

I will remember to wash my hands, and drink lots of water, as you always want me to.  I will cherish every moment in life, and take good care of (our son), and make sure he grows up to be a man you would be proud of.  

 

I know your soul lives on, where blue sky IS forever.  

We WILL see each other again.

 

[Sadaf Nazim]

It's beautiful and speechless!! 

[KMB]

KC81----Such a wonderful eulogy----expressed right from the heart. Your wife is proud of you for those words of promises and declaration. You should be proud of yourself also. I can only imagine the courage made by your effort to write those words and deliver them. Such great love you showed to your wife and your son.

[KayC]

KC81,

That is well thought out and beautiful!  I hope the memories you share are of comfort to you in the days ahead.  Your Flo is so right, it IS 10% what happens to us and 90% our attitude and what we do with it.  I firmly believe with all my heart that we choose our attitudes and focus.

[KC81]

Thank you everyone.
Yesterday (day after the funeral) I felt I needed to go to the bridge, which I haven't done since the early days of the search in late October.
I felt like I needed to go there alone, at night, drove the exact same route, and face my fear.

I felt I needed to bring a flower bouquet, and a gift she gave me few years ago.
I parked my car where she left hers, and walked the same walk she did.
After 10 minutes, I walked near the mid-span of bridge, where I believed she was standing (found some coins there the day her car was found)

I said to her again "I'm not mad at you. I don't blame you.  It was not you who did it, it was your illness.  You are free now.
My soul will always be connected to you.  I'll see you again, when it's my time."

I took a few pictures.  Then I looked down into the darkness below, and tossed the bouquet down.
Then I walked back to the car.

I felt a sense of confidence, calm, and relief that I accomplished this.

I think this quote was fitting for what I felt:

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”  
― Eleanor Roosevelt

[KayC]

That is beautiful.  I agree with Eleanor Roosevelt, I have found it to be true.