Members davida1992 Posted December 2, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 For the past 14 years my best friend has been my dog Max. He was not just a dog, he was a member of the family, he was my best friend, and I loved him so so much.... Over the past year he has been deteriorating, partial blindness and deafness had set in, he had a massive hernia and his back legs were very weak.... For the past year I have been aware that his time will be coming soon, but I could never accept it. A few days ago he tried to walk up the stairs and he got stuck 4 steps up unable to move and had to be carried back down. Yesterday when I got home from work he was completely unable to stand up.... This was when I knew I couldn't not let him suffer... The most difficult part was that he was still happy, whenever he was with me we was happy. I remember him sitting unable to get up, but he was still trying to play with his ball, give me kisses etc, and that made the decision so much more difficult. The vets came to the house and I had 10 more minutes with him after they popped the needle in. I was devastated at what was about to happen, but Max was so relaxed, panting and happy. Max was such a loyal, loving, caring and happy dog and he was 100% relaxed around anyone, because of this I kind of feel like I betrayed his trust, he seemed like he may not have been ready to go, but I have no regrets about letting him go, it was the best thing for him. My concern is that in his last moments maybe he put all of his trust in me and I betrayed him with my decision, he trusted me 100% to keep him safe and secure... I remember holding his head, and within about 5 seconds he stopped panting, his eyes closed and his head went heavy....that was it all over. I don't know what to believe about the spirit living on, but I just feel like I need closure that he is OK, that he was ready, and that he knew that I was doing what was best for him, and I will never know if he knew that, and that is what hurts so much for me now. I just want to know that he was OK, or is OK now if there is something after we pass... The thought of nothingness is also killing me inside.... My best friend knew me, he got me through high school, college, he listed to all my problems and he never judged. He is the most amazing dog I have ever known.... And as soon as his head went heavy.... I knew that he wont know this anymore, his memory has been wiped and he will have no idea the joy he gave me. The thought of this meaning nothing now absolutely kills me inside. I really can't explain how I feel... I am not sad for me, or my loss.... I am sad for my dog Max, and all those great memories and times in his life that he had, the excitment he had when my car came up the driveway, the look on his face when he saw his box of treats and his lead.....All of these were just wiped out for him when he died and it is just nothing now... The thought of that, it just makes me think why do we bother when everything we know, love and enjoy means absolutely nothing to us after we die... I really really would love to think that Max has gone to a better place, that his soul will love on and that he will remember all the great times that we had together. Unfortunately I will never know that, or what he was thinking in his last moments, and that thought right now is just.....I can't even explain it....but it hurts so bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sophia23 Posted December 3, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 3, 2016 Hello Davida. I write to you with a really heavy heart. I also lost my 13.5 year old soul mate Bodie yesterday. We had him put to sleep after months and months of him pooing and weeing himself. We put up with it for months but in the end my parents couldn't stand waking up in the morning and seeing him lying in his own dirt with an uncomfortable facial expression. Unlike your pal, Bodie could walk and even run, although he had completely deteriorated physically (skinny head, skinny legs, deep gaunt eyes) if we took him out he'd still run and trot around, he'd play (like Max) with a ball or a squeaky toy. He was still so full of life and love and he wanted to live he really did. As well as pooing and weeing himself Bodie was suffering with medium seizures from time to time. He'd fall to the ground and start shaking, peeing and throwing up. We just knew that it was time. I find my situation really similar to yours in terms of how I'm greiveing. I'm feeling so guilty that we took his life away when he still wanted to live in every part of him. He would look at me with eyes full of love and trust and he really trusted in everyone to keep him safe. Please find me on Facebook Sophia Louise Evans and we will talk I'm so sorry for your loss and in terms of afterlife, I truly believe that energy never dies and that our special pets don't leave us, their love stays part of us and never leaves. They live on in heaven but part of their energy will always be within us x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 3, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 3, 2016 17 hours ago, davida1992 said: I have no regrets about letting him go, it was the best thing for him. My concern is that in his last moments maybe he put all of his trust in me and I betrayed him with my decision, he trusted me 100% to keep him safe and secure... Those two statements seem at odds with each other, showing the conflicting emotions that go into making such a vital decision. You did what you felt was in HIS best interest, something he couldn't have understood, and yet he had implicit trust in you because you've always proven yourself to him as someone he could depend on to love and care for him. This last act proves that, you did the selfless thing. Thank God you let him go BEFORE he was unhappy, BEFORE he lost all his abilities, BEFORE he became miserable. Knowing when the time is come is one of the hardest things to arrive at, but you arrived at it for good reason. Right now you are second guessing yourself, which is common grief response. These articles come to mind, I hope they will be of some comfort to you. I am so sorry for your loss. Our dogs truly ARE our best friends!http://www.veterinarywisdomprofessionals.com/resource_center/help_for_clients/client_handouts/a_dangerous_villain_guilthttp://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Missing Jack Posted December 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 17, 2016 Hi Davida, "For the past 14 years my best friend has been my dog Max. He was not just a dog, he was a member of the family, he was my best friend, and I loved him so so much.." You summed up perfectly my story. On November 23, 2016 we had to have the a vet come to the house and take care of my best buddy Jack. I held him as he took his last breath. Like you we had Jack in our lives 14, not far off from 15 years. Like many others, I have experienced all sorts of losses, both the four and two leg variety. I am presently 59 years old. I can relate well to what you have written. I found myself saying to a friend recently, "I can't believe how hard I am taking this." What I have said to other family members who are also hurting, " I am not grieving for dear ole Jack, cuz I know Jack is just fine. I am grieving for myself because I miss him so damned much." The memories as you say, the rituals, the private talks, or just sitting quietly. The warmth, contact and connection. The moments, the places, the laughter and tears. The lessons, the naps, the walks, the rides, and play. Jack loved me when sometimes his human counterparts found it difficult to do so. He knew when I was up, he knew when I was down. Sometimes people, even well meaning family members, would chide me, " you spoil that dog!" Yes, guilty as charged I'm afraid. I knew the day would come, when a decision would have to be made and I know in my mind (intellectually) it was the right decision, but still the tears come. The lump in the throat, the emptiness. I know too that day by day I will get better and learn to live without Jack. But I also know that even if I were to live to be 100, I would still recall a Jack story or two, and I know that even then, gentle tears would come to my eye. I remember his coming into my life and the exact moment he left this life and much that passed in between those two points, is forever part of who I am. Jack's spirit, if you will, resides within the infinite and this of course includes me. So you see I do not grieve for ole Jack. Cuz I know ole Jack, my best buddy is just fine. I hope in some small way this has helped you on your own journey. It certainly has helped me to write it. God Bless, Be well Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 18, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 18, 2016 Michael, I so appreciate this post...even in your sorrow, you're reaching out to help someone else. I know our grief is for ourselves missing them, you speak the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisa iford Posted December 22, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2016 I know how you feel.I was in complete denial about how sick my dog was.He was a boxer.His name was Brutus and we had a decade of ups and downs with his health.This last battle caught me off guard and I failed him.At least I think you did the right thing by giving him eternal rest before it got to bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 23, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 23, 2016 Oh, now I know where Jack got his information about your dog! The posts came up in opposite order for me. I'm sorry about Brutus. It's common to feel guilt when we lose them, we feel responsible for them. I hope this brings you some ease:http://www.veterinarywisdomprofessionals.com/resource_center/help_for_clients/client_handouts/a_dangerous_villain_guilt http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lisa iford Posted December 24, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2016 It does just talking to others have made a difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 24, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted December 24, 2016 The first article esp. helped me with my loss of pet. Wishing you some peace... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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