Almost two months.

[christine19]

Dec 13, will be two months without my mom.. 
Some days i am okay, other days i can't deal with it, no-one to talk to, no-one that understands.. i feel lost and alone, and scared out of my mind.
I have no idea how to even open up to anyone anymore. I have no idea how to even have words come out of my mouth, it is 
affecting my work, i just break down at random moments. Some days i can't even get out of bed, my anxiety is the worst it has ever been
i worry about nothing all the time, i feel like I'm going mental. I just want to forget about everything for a few mins but i can't
it haunts me everyday, all day. 

[cindyjane]

Hugs christine19 .... I am so sorry for your loss.  2 months is so recent, it is no small wonder that you are going through these heavy feelings.  Hang in there, time really is a healer and so are tears so let them flow.  Tears are a testimony of the great love that we have for our parent(s).  

I too also felt like I was losing my mind when my mom passed on and then 11 months later my dad left us as well.  Too much....too soon.  I don't know what your beliefs are or if you are spiritual but now would be a good time to ask God for some help to get you through this difficult time.  HE promises us comfort and when I reached out to HIM in my darkest times, HE gave me that comfort.  All we have to do is ask.  

Take care and know that you are not alone.

Cindy Jane

[Aimie]

Hi there. I've never posted before but I am also struggling after 2 months. My mom died suddenly on Oct 2. She was fine on Sunday, when I spoke with her last, then on the following Saturday I got a call from my dad that she was in a coma and won't make it. I live 3.5 hrs away so by the time I got to her bedside, she died 8 hrs later. I never got to hear her voice again. She was unconscious til her last breath.

I am still having such issues. I feel as though I'm losing my mind. I knew my mom wouldn't be here forever but she was only 54 yrs old when she died. I feel too young to have lost her. I am only 33. 

I am just devastated.  I've been off work since she died but the disability process has been so stressful that I am going back just to put an end to it. 

I miss my mom everyday. There isn't a moment that goes by that my heart isn't broken. I ask God for help but He isn't helping. This pain is wreching. I have trouble sleeping and trouble focusing. I am so emotional and fly off the handle at seemingly small things. 

My heart goes out to you Christine. I know that we don't know each other but I feel your pain in your words. I feel similarly in that I feel like I'm losing my mind. I cried when I read you post. That prompted me to write. 

Unfortunately I think about death a lot. Not that I would ever do something drastic, but life is just too hard and painful right now. I don't know how I will ever move through all this pain. 

Every aspect of my life has been affected by my mom's death. My marriage, my finances, my work, my friendships. 

No one seems to understand what it's like to lose a parent, and for me, at a young age. Friends don't seem to get it and just keep telling me to go back to work. As though that will solve all my grief!  I have seen a counselor and they don't seem to help. They just tell me what I'm experiencing is nomal.  

No one can fix this pain. Nothing makes it go away. I wish everyday that this is all a bad nightmare. That I will wake up and it was all a bad dream. I pray that God heals me and carries this burden for me. I ask my mom to help me. But, it seems as though I am left to trek this journey alone. 

When will this get better? People tell me it will take time but it never gets better. I suppose I will just learn to function with the pain. Othe people I've talked to that lost their mom many many years ago still come to tears on occasion. 

I just keep waiting for the day that I too will get to join my mom and other lost lived ones. I look forward to the day that I will be at peace. Whether it be in heaven or the universe or wherever that is. 

I am starting to believe that the only way I will ever have peace and comfort again will be when I am dead. 

My mom's birthday is upcoming (Dec 26). Christmas will be very difficult as will her birthday. I honestly don't know how I will get through this. 

I am so worried about my dad too. He won't talk about it and he's all alone. I can't be there with him as he lives too far away. He is alone for the first time in his life. They were married 34 years. He move from home to live with mom. I have no siblings are other relatives. 

I struggle with intense fear and anxiety. I am terrified at best most minutes throughout the day. I know that it's normal to feel this way but I can't function. I don't sleep well because of it. I am terrifield of talking to people in public. I'm afraid of most of my friends because of their lack of support. I am just afraid all the time.

I hope that CindyJane is right that time heals. If time doesn't then there really is no hope for me.

[60Chris]

You are not alone. My mom died just over three months ago.It's dishearting when a doctor, counslor, etc. tells you , what your experiencing is normal. None of my other family member's, or my mom's friends feel like I do. I feel very alone in my pain and suffering. So much of what you both said , is identical to what I'm feeling. The "grief attacts" are unbearable. Usualy something trigger's an attact , other times they hit me out of the blue. I have learned to go with them, to allow myself these attacts, knowing that for me, some anxiety is relieved afterwards. I think about wanting to die , because without my mom, there is no life for me anymore. I sighned up today, after reading this thread , for the first time since my mom passed , I don't feel so abnormal in the intensity of my grieving. And now I know, I'm not alone ~ 

 

[Lisa k]

I've felt all of these things too. You're not alone any of you.Grief has to be the worst feeling on this earth , nothing feels worse.

My anxiety increased tenfold since my mum's death and I'm really struggling with it. I'm agarophobic , long before my mum died but the loss and grief have made it pretty bad. I have no one now and feel so alone and scared too but this forum has been my biggest support . 

Love to all of you

Lisa