Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted December 1, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 XXBBBNNMM KKJHGFDDA i Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted December 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2016 So sorry rainie this must be so hard for you and hard to deal with the fact your sister betrayed you. Money can be the root of all evil and your sister is greedy and selfish. i hope you ultimately get some of your mum's keepsakes, if not you have her love and your memories too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted December 5, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 5, 2016 tommys mom ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted December 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 7, 2016 I dont know really. made it through Thanksgiving. My other kids and I celebrated it early because 2 of them are at university. Xmas is on its way and I just can't get into the spirit of it at all/ I go through the motions but my heart is not in it. for 4 years we were without tommy as he was living in the USA and then Hawaii. It always felt wrong to be buying for 3 kids not 4 as Tommy was homeless for a time and then sofa surfing so there was never an address to send gifts or even a card to and i always felt guilty. each Xmas I hoped that the following year I would be able to have enough money for a flight out there but each year it proved impossible. now there is no hope i will never have another Xmas or holiday with Tommy and my heart breaks about that. i just can;t stop the tears falling and i feel guilt because my other kids just want me to be happy that i will be with them i feel so torn. We will celebrate Xmas early as they will be with their dad. The ex just informed me we will be scattering Tommy's ashes on dec 28th somewhere local to me and I just want Xmas over with so we can put Tommy to rest. i dont feel ready to do it but it needs to be done, How about you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted December 7, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 7, 2016 I AM SOOO SORRY FOR UR anxiety & sorrow over your Tommy in not being able to see him or go to where he was cause of financial reasons before he died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted December 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 9, 2016 True when they become parents themselves they will absolutely "get it" and realise the depth of grief. I just have to fake it through as best I can. i was wrapping gifts last night like a robot no joy no excitement it felt like a chore that had to be done. the kids will decorate and put up the tree when they visit net week. I will visit Tommy on Xmas day and have a drink with him. He loved a drink and would appreciate that im there for him. I have my 5th surgery on my broken ankle next thurs so unfortunately will be in a cast and on pain meds and totally dependent on others again. This has been a long year with all the surgeries etc I hope this one is successful and heals so i can start the new year better off. Im sorry your husband is not supportive perhaps you are right to step back and let him take the reins. Men grieve differently to women he is prob hiding it all inside and putting on a brave face. I got rid of my nasty manipulative ex husband years ago thank god and we have very little contact at all but he will be there for spreading Tommys ashes along with second wife n stepdaughter which i could really do without but whatever! We need to get the ashes done to step forward but i am so anxious about it it will be the last real part of Tommy gone and i dont know how i will handle it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted December 9, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 9, 2016 Oh dear Tommys mom, can or would it help to keep how much or little of tommys ashes for yourself ? i had to ( actually I had to be the better one and say yes to allowing my son Rockys ashes divided between me and his dad ~~ i have Rocky's ashes in a nice receotical and it comforts me if that is possible.. just a thought.. maybe u could take a baggie,,,,put the ashes u are supposed to spread,, or maybe you could openly,,,just take some to keep.. just my thoughts.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted December 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 10, 2016 On 05/12/2016 at 8:09 PM, RAiNiE said: tommys mom ~ In the UK the law states both parents are allowed 50% each but my kids all state they don't want Tommy's ashes split so I cannot have any although it is my dearest wish. I have a lot to make upto my children because I tried and nearly succeeded in killing myself ending up on a ventilator for 8 days in Intensive care when I was demented with grief. I have to show them that their wishes are secondary to my own so i will make peace with myself over not having any. it will be ok just part of the grief journey. Noone said it was easy right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted December 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 10, 2016 H Tommys mom ~ so sorry. I'm afraid if it was me I'd put some in h pocket if I actually got to throw some. Or through a tantrum. At least that's what I'd want to do. Jusy wonsering. Have u had any times after tommys death that u Felt his presence in any way ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted December 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted December 12, 2016 Only a couple in the first few months after his death i was awoken from a deep medicated sleep by someone shaking my arm quite firmly yet noone was there i believe it was my son. Once i asked for a shooting star as a sign and got one and twice in the last 6 months I have seen a man with the exact colour hair and eyes as my son same haircut same clothes he would wear everything very similar facial features and i think Tommy sent them to be in my path to say "hey Mum I'm still around look and I'm ok too" I have only dreamed of him a few times and it has never been about him visiting me its old memories, mayne im not strong enough yet to handle a dream visit although I really want one. What about you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted December 22, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted December 22, 2016 How are you doing Tommys mom? how did she t go with your Tommys ashes? take care of yourself,,I know Tommy would want that and I suspect he'd be fighting to avenge you for ones who cause you undue pain , sorrow and anxiety RAiNiE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted January 4, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 I made it through xmas and new year but it was really hard. Same for all of us i guess. I had problems logging in and i really missed this site and the care and advice i receive here. Tommy's ashes were spread over a beautiful very high cliff into a rough sea on a gorgeous day he would have approved. It was not how I felt it would be I felt rushed and incomplete and the family fractured but I understand that my children felt torn between their parents. Two of my kids felt some peace which is good but my youngest daughter and I didn't. I am glad it has been done finally after all the warring and upset and feel that Tommy is free but also felt like I have lost him all over again and have withdrawn from the world for a while as I try to process all my conflicting emotions and sense of loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted January 4, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2017 Dear, Dear, Tommy's Mum ~~ thank you sooo, much for shareing your most deepest experiences thru your sorrow,,, oh, you are right on in feeling like you are going thru it all, all the emotions ect over losing your Tommy... i, too, made it thru the Christmas days ok... but, as you,,,e en tho your loss is still sooo recent,,, i, too, find the emotions and all come up each year,,,,and, I, too, have been isolating as much as I can.. it neccessary,,,it's part of the healing recovery. you know,,this may sound off,,,but even the pain over my loss are kinda a comfort and kinda like spending time with my ROCKY & Ronnie. . you keep taking care of yourself,,,,after all, if I have learned anything,,,it is that if I do not care for myself,,,no one else will,,,no one else know what,,,let alone how to help me unless, they have walked in my shoes.. oh, Remember what you said here of spreading the ashes,,,the most important statement = Tommy woulda liked it... in fact your Tommy would be happy, and sad, made at everything you've gone thru since he left this earth.. i always look forward to hearing from you dear heart. RAiNiE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted January 9, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2017 thanks. It was Tommy's UK inquest on fri and it was ok. I had already requested the full autopsy and police reports from Hawaii in 2015 so i knew how he died there were no nasty surprises. the coroner said he would not go through it unless i wanted to and I didnt because my parents were there and they did not need the details. He also ruled it an accidental death which it was and that he died from multiple blunt trauma again which I knew so he closed the case. he then called Tommy a brave and noble man in sacrificing his life for his friend, it was touching. Surprisingly the media was there and took a statement from me. I was amazed that there was still public interest in Tommy's story and there were two news articles, two radio posts and a local new segment on tv about him. So proud. Still it brought up a lot of stuff for me not surprisingly and today I had a nightmare that he was alive and he came to tell me it was all a hoax, a mistake, and he was actually alive. This is the only dream I have ever had of him since he died, where he was alive and talking to me and looking so well and healthy. It was really disturbing but I know it was just my mind trying to process thoughts that had been stirred up by seeing him on the news and in the papers again. it is just part of the grief process. I just really wish he would visit me again in a dream to say he is ok and happy where he really is in the afterlife and give me advice so i would know that was real, a real afterlife message a true sign, and that he was ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted January 9, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2017 Glad to hear you got some positives about ur dear Tommys giveing his life for a friend. of course it seems it is the very sensitiveneds of our sons are the verry qualities that they lost their lives for. Yet. We will always want them back. I feel even the dream u have can be taken as tommy trying to say he's. Ok. I know our sweet sons sure want us to be happy. It truly are the ones left behind that are the suffering ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted January 10, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2017 true that Rainie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted January 18, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 how are you doing rainie? Losing children is catastrophic on the soul and losing your mum must be so hard too for you. Mothers are such a vital piece in lifes puzzle and to find she has gone must leave you very empty. I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Posted January 18, 2017 Author Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 How is it going for u this week dear friend. ???? i am ~ u know living each day as well as I can. I am one day closer to Heaven and my sons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted January 18, 2017 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2017 That does not sound as if you are doing so well are you ok? We all lose hope at times and the future can look very bleak esp for you with the recent loss of your mum which I am sure brings back a lot of "stuff". be kind to yourself. What family support do you have? i look at the writings of several of the threads on this site. It makes me realise 1) there are people worse off than me, 2) people whose grief is newer and I would never want to go back into that abyss, 3) quotes that members post sometimes have a message in them for me and how I'm feeling that particular day 4) there is light and hope for a future. I hope you find some hope rainie it sounds like you are struggling at the moment. You mention Heaven so I guess you believe in God and prayer, so use that belief to help hold you up in times of difficulty ok? I am not a beleiver but am a spiritualist so will ask for the peace in Nature to soothe your soul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.