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Tough Holiday Months


MLG23

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I hope as I write this I find all my friends on here in decent health and spirits. Holidays are always a rough time, they were when I lost my father but now to not have my fiancé too is devastating. I am curious if anyone has tips on how to mentally get through these events. I personally have always loved Christmas but I have PTSD due to this event he and I were involved in so it taints that spirit. Sending my best to everyone.

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claribassist13

MLG, 

I wish that I had something better to offer you than the words I will write. 

Much as our lives have been since we lost our fiance's, the next month or so is just something we are doing to have to endure.
The holidays are so hard. This is the time when family and love is most emphasized. We want nothing more than to be with the people we love the most. For us, that isn't entirely possible anymore. We are left with a hole in ourselves that is foreign. You learn how empty and meaningless holidays feel. You look at all the material gifts that people are giving and receiving, and you are somewhat offended. It's hard to celebrate a holiday of giving, one that we believed (as kids) held a special sort of magic. You hear tales of Christmas miracles, you watch heart-touching reunions, and you are constantly reminded of that huge hole in your heart that only seems to get bigger with time.

Your loss is still quite fresh, and I am so sorry for that.
I will be approaching the year mark soon, and I can tell you that it isn't any better.

My advice?
We are responsible for carrying on our fiance's memory now. Think back on holiday traditions that you shared. Engage in some of them if you want to. Maybe you go out and volunteer your time instead. Whatever you do, be sure to surround yourself with support, and don't shut yourself away. He would not what you to do that. Try to do something in his name, even if it seems like nothing at all.
That is what I am going to try to do this holiday season. I'm going to do what I can to honor my fiance and the holidays and values that he loved so much.

I hope that you can find a bit of peace as the holiday season approaches. If nothing else, please continue to reach out to us!   

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I think it helps to have a plan for the holidays, maybe even a plan B if you find you're not up to Plan A.

I also think it helps to get out of yourself, to focus on others, like Claribassist said.

Here's an article on this very subject:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/getting-through-the-holidays-when-you-are-newly-bereaved_us_582c7767e4b0466f4579334f?

And this one has tons of links with ideas, suggestions:

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/11/coping-with-holidays-suggested.html

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Thank you very much for the advice, the doubling up on plans and doing something that I at least see as being in his name are great ideas. Thus far I have planned a mini getaway with my best friend which should be some fun. 

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