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Sweetieluv

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I don't really have anyone to talk to. my fiance died on October 13th 2016. he was in a fatal truck accident  (duly with a trailer) his brakes failed and he slammed into a wall to keep you from falling off the side of the mountain in Colorado. he had just gotten his cdls and was hired on a job very quickly. my baby was a very focused get it done man. we've been together for over 6 years. every single day.  no breakups no off and on,  I mean we had our petty arguing from time to time but had a healthy relationship. I loved him more than anything or anybody.  he knew me like the back of his hand,  probably better then I know myself.  and boy, I knew that man all to well. definitely better then he knew himself.  we've been through so much together,  so much bad and so much good. I never doubted him.  he was the most loyal honest man I ever knew,  that I'll ever know. on Jan 1st 2016 we found out I was pregnant. we were so excited. he has two children now 16 and about to be 18 soon,  but I didnt have any children...I just wanted to wait til I find the man I'll be with forever, a man I love and trust fully.  and I found him. unfortunately I lost that child in march 2015 . a miscarriage. I was pretty devastated. he felt my pain as well.  but given our financial situation at the time we deff couldn't afford a baby. things don't work out as planned and we figured the world felt we weren't ready. I'm still sad about it, but I've accepted it.  the doctor saI'd we could try again when we're ready so we decided that was best to wait.  well now this happened and he gone forever. we went to the funeral and I watched them lower him into the ground.  I feel like my heart was buried with him that day.  since then I've lost my house my car had to pick up on a dime,  not my own but had to borrow money from my family to help be move back to Georgia from Texas where we've lived for the last 4+ years. to live with my sister.  I found out a few days ago over thanksgiving that I'm pregnant. we weren't trying to have a baby but we weren't not trying either.  I'm devastated . all my worst fears have come true. I lost my baby my husband and now I'm pregnant. I never wanted to be a single mother. and since he's gone I'd decided that I don't think I want to have children ever, I certainly can't phantom being with. another man.  I don't want to keep this baby . I'm terrified. I'm mentally, emotionally and financiallyunstable. adoption isn't something I think I could go through.  carrying a child to term and giving it away?  I'm certain that I'm in the early stages of pregnancy...is it so bad that I just want to take that medicine and and end the pregnancy? I haven't told anybody but my sister. shes my twin and supports any decision I make.  my mother would to undoubtedly...but I can't bare to tell her she's already grieving for him and me trying to take in my pain as if it could be taken away and I just don't want to stress her out more,  I don't think she can handle it.  but I'm totally lost.  depressed can't think.  it's so much I can't take it. I just want to take gimme to grieve, I haven't been able to yet...all the funeral stuff losing everything in my life moving I've had to no just sit or cry and finally when I'm able to I have to deal with this.  I physically can't do it anymore.  I don't want to.  I know if he was hear or could whisper in my hear he'd tell me to be smart. he wanted so much for me.  he'd tell me that now is not the time and I need to work on myself. I feel like ending it would be the best thing to do. but I'm freaking out. I miss him so much.  I can't do that with out him. I can barely go on now with out him now. 

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So sorry for your loss and what you are going through. You are stronger than you realize right now. You've had a lot of struggles in life and a miscarriage. Each of those have made you strong. You are pregnant with your fiance's child, his legacy to you, a blessing sent from Heaven. Your child will give you hope, faith, that your fiance loves you and wants you to go on. Pray to God and to your fiance. Their love and guidance will show you the way. I know how much pain you are now feeling. It's unbearable. You came to the right place, there are very caring, supportive people here who understand exactly what you are going through, feeling. This is a good, safe place to vent, rant, cry and share. Take care of yourself, and your baby. Be thankful you have your sister to be there for you. I hope you have others for support? Other family and friends? A grief support group or counselor? My heart goes out to you and your words here. Personal loss of a significant other is devastating beyond words and feelings of ending it are normal. I still struggle with this issue myself. But I know that I have our 2 pets to take care of, they are what keeps me going. I want my husband to be proud of me for going through this journey and living for him. Your fiance wishes the same for you, that's why you were blessed with his child. Prayers and hugs to you---please, keep in touch.

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Sweetie,

I am so sorry for your loss, and then to be going through all this on top of it.  I'm glad you have your sister to talk to, I hope you'll talk to your mom too, I'd bet she can handle more than you think, you'll get through this together.  Do you have a clergyman you can talk to?  I hope you'll see a grief counselor that can help you sort things out.  They say not to make any major decisions for a year, I'd say make that 2-3 years, but this is one you don't have that much time to wait.  Try not to be afraid, take a day at a time, take a deep breath, just get through today, not take on the whole rest of your life, that's too much and can make you feel overwhelmed.  I've singleparented but that was when my kids were teens, not babies, but my husband didn't help so it's hard comparing apples to oranges.  I remarried later and was really happy, with the right one, and then he suddenly died.  Like KMB, I've kept going for my pets, and thankful I have them, even though since my husband died, I have different pets now than I did then.

You should be able to get soc. sec. for your child since your husband is deceased, if you should decide to go through with the pregnancy.  

I hope you will continue to come here and post, there are some caring people here, and sometimes it just helps to air your feelings and know you're heard.  

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I have a little three year old with my husband and oh how I wish we would have frozen his sperm before he started his cancer treatment. I would have had another one of his in a heart beat. I don't plan on being with any other man but I would love to have another baby and it would have to be his. Unfortunately, he's gone and we didn't save his sperm. 

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My boyfriend was hit by a car and killed November 3. Boyfriend not even close, he was my partner, my missing puzzle piece. We made each other while.

I am 34 weeks pregnant with our first child together. A little girl. He was so excited to be a daddy... I won't lie to you, This pregnancy has been so hard since he died. I was finally starting to feel her move around, I was in the period of pregnancy where I was supposed to be the happy glowing pregnant lady... And then my world fell apart. 

Now I am just a whale, trudging along, no smiles no happiness. People who don't know will ask if I'm excited and I just kind of shrug them off. I am glad I have this gift from him. I hope that she is able to pull me out of the quicksand I find myself stuck in... But oh, it's hard. So, so hard. He won't be there during labor, or to cut the cord... He won't be there through sleepless nights... I won't see him hold his child and love her. I won't get to see him play his guitar and sing her lullabys. No family pictures. Nothing... But I can only hope and pray that she will have his gentle temperment, his soft, caring eyes... And that I can get some kind of happiness seeing him live through her...

I can't tell you what you should do. All I can do is say that I'm so sorry you're in this hell, and all you need to worry about is what you think is best for you right now.

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You're not a whale, you're carrying the most precious cargo in the world!  Your BF won't be able to share in the sleepless nights, that's true, but maybe, just maybe she'll have his eyes or some mannerism or something about her will remind you of him and if that's so, I hope it brings you comfort.  Do you have family close by that can help you out?  You can tell him about her and who knows, maybe he'll be able to hear you...

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3 hours ago, KayC said:

You're not a whale, you're carrying the most precious cargo in the world!  Your BF won't be able to share in the sleepless nights, that's true, but maybe, just maybe she'll have his eyes or some mannerism or something about her will remind you of him and if that's so, I hope it brings you comfort.  Do you have family close by that can help you out?  You can tell him about her and who knows, maybe he'll be able to hear you...

Yes, I moved back in with my parents. I couldn't go back to our apartment. It was to much.  So I'll have their help with the kids, which is good because I'm afraid I might have a break down after the baby is born.

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Oh yes, I remember that now, I'd forgotten.  As hard as it might be to live with your parents, I'm glad you'll have someone around to help now and then.  

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For the OP,  I think any choice you make can be right for you.  Whether you terminate the pregnancy or go on to have the child.

I like others wished I had been pregnant with my husband's child when he died as well, but to be honest, I am not sure I have it in me to care for a baby right now.  The 12 and 18 year old are enough. That being said, a new child is definitely a wonderful distraction for someone who had already been planning one.

 

 

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I am not a woman and so cannot exactly relate. What I can tell you though... My wife and soul mate died 12 years ago on November 26 2016.

Our daughter is turning 13 in January. I can't tell you all the ways I see her mother in her. From simple geustures like waving her hair over her shoulder, when she smiles, her deviant look of determination, her kind heart, her natural ability to inspire others. She is becoming more beautiful and reminds me of her mother in so, so, many ways. She is a gift.

Best Wishes,

Tim

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We didn't get to have kids together, we met in our 40s, but he was a wonderful stepdad to my daughter and son.  I think he had a lasting effect on all of us.

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